Matt (00:00:21):

Welcome to One Week Rental, a movie podcast where we spend a week with a movie and we take you along with us on our journey. I’m Matt Stokes, but you can call me Matt Matt, the movie Elf.

Laci (00:00:30):

And I’m Laci Laci, the other elf.

Matt (00:00:33):

Yeah. Would you say you’re a nostalgia blossoming into a film snob?

Laci (00:00:39):

I would say it, but not as well as you just did. I am blossoming against my will but also to my delight.

Matt (00:00:45):

And I am a recovering film snob trying not to be so obnoxious and strident and sing like that movie.

Laci (00:00:53):

You’re doing a good job too, because you only brought up It’s a Wonderful Life 3000 times. This is an obvious

Matt (00:00:59):

Movie

Laci (00:00:59):

You can bring up. Yes. What’s that? Oh, it’s black and white.

Matt (00:01:02):

Every week we dive deep into a different movie. We spend the week with it. We watch it multiple times, research it, read interviews with the people who made the movie.

Laci (00:01:11):

So you get the idea we are one week experts and we discuss what works about the movie, what doesn’t work. We do some irresponsible psychoanalysis of the people who made the movie and we discuss the characters.

Matt (00:01:23):

And we assume if you’re watching or listening to this show, you don’t mind the movie being spoiled. We assume you’ve seen the movie or you don’t care. If we spoil the shit out of it, which we are going to do with Elf today.

Laci (00:01:33):

And spoiler alert, elf spoiled the shit out of us. And just so you know, we come from a place of love with all the movies that we cover. Even if we didn’t like it, we still never regret having watched it. We certainly could never make a movie of our own.

Matt (00:01:48):

That being said, we have been called negative. You guys are too negative. You’re nasty. You’re obnoxious.

Speaker 3 (00:01:54):

Boo.

Matt (00:01:55):

And these things aren’t true. Now don’t worry, we are all in favor of Elf and our two guests who we have on this episode like Elf Two, but we’re not experts. We’re just here because we like talking about movies and if you’re watching or listening, we assume it’s because you like hearing people talk about movies. If you disagree with anything we say, let us know in the comments. We like having a discussion.

Laci (00:02:15):

We have no aspirations of ever working in Hollywood or of making a movie and that is why we feel perfectly comfortable being a hundred percent honest with everything we say.

Matt (00:02:24):

Meaning we talk shit.

Laci (00:02:26):

We talk. Yeah. We spoken word shit.

Matt (00:02:30):

And we spoke in word shit about each other because Laci and I are married to each other. Yes.

Laci (00:02:33):

So everything is preconsensed to this preexisting shit show has always been and always will be.

Matt (00:02:39):

So we spent the week with Elf, the 2003 movie starring Will Ferrell and we are delighted to bring on our friends AJ and Christie from the In Love With Horror Show to discuss.

Laci (00:02:48):

Another married couple also trapped in the hell that is podcasting.

AJ (00:02:52):

What up, what up?

Matt (00:02:54):

Let’s start our discussion by saying how many times each of us before viewing it to prepare for this show, how many times have we each seen Elf?

Christie (00:03:03):

Ooh, I don’t know. Eight times maybe. That’s the right answer. AJ. AJ.

AJ (00:03:10):

I’ve probably seen it maybe like 20 times maybe.

Matt (00:03:15):

Wow. Okay.

Laci (00:03:16):

Wait, did AJ pick this movie?

Christie (00:03:18):

Yes.

Laci (00:03:18):

He’s a super

Christie (00:03:19):

Fan.

Laci (00:03:20):

Yes. Okay.

Matt (00:03:22):

Laci, this is a big movie for you, right? I

Laci (00:03:25):

Did not realize how big until I realized how many things I say on a daily basis from this fucking movie. So I’m going to say 12.

Matt (00:03:32):

Okay. This was only the second time I had seen it all the way through. I did review it from my high school newspaper in the movie theater.

AJ (00:03:40):

No worry.

Matt (00:03:42):

I’ve seen bits and pieces of it on TV since, but this was the first time seeing it all the way through since then. So three total times now because I watched it twice. But this is a huge movie for so many people. I mean, this is one of the Christmas classics from this century, which I feel like there aren’t a lot of.

Laci (00:03:59):

That’s true. It’s hard to become a Christmas classic, though everyone’s trying.

Matt (00:04:03):

But that might just be because we’re old and we don’t absorb new things.

Laci (00:04:07):

We are the classics.

Matt (00:04:32):

Okay. The history of Elf, where did this modern Christmas classic come from? It feels like it was just handed down from the mountains. It’s always been here. But this is like one of those movies. Again, I reviewed this movie for my high school newspaper, so I feel like I was on the ground floor like, “Oh, it’s a new Christmas movie.” Here’s where it came from. The screenwriter, David Berenbaum wrote it in the ’90s. Original star who was attached to it. Who wants to guess who the original star was? You

Laci (00:05:00):

Told me earlier.

Matt (00:05:01):

Oh, damn it.

Laci (00:05:02):

Oh, Christie. I know.

Matt (00:05:04):

Go ahead. It’s

Laci (00:05:05):

Jim Carey.

Matt (00:05:06):

It was Jim Carey, yes. What do we think that would’ve looked like?

Laci (00:05:08):

When did The Grinch come out?

Matt (00:05:10):

Oh, 2000.

Laci (00:05:11):

And this one was what?

Matt (00:05:12):

03.

Laci (00:05:13):

It’s just too close together. It’s a green, tall guy. It would’ve been the Jim Carey show. It

Matt (00:05:18):

Would’ve been a very different movie. It would’ve

AJ (00:05:20):

Been super different. Definitely not as good in my opinion.

Laci (00:05:23):

Wait, when did Yes Man come out because he already did a Zoe Da Chanel. How many times he got a Zoe Door?

Matt (00:05:29):

2008. But Jim Carey, what he is not is like a sweet. He’s not or vulnerable.

Laci (00:05:36):

No. Truman show is his most vulnerable and even then he’s cunning and mischievous. He’s not the right kind. He

AJ (00:05:46):

Doesn’t have that innocence, the sweet innocence that he can tap into. Will Farrell can.

Matt (00:05:51):

A

Laci (00:05:51):

Childlike face that Will Ferrell can muster is masterful. Yeah.

Matt (00:05:57):

It’s machild is what is what you describe Will Ferrell as. Oh,

Laci (00:06:01):

That

Matt (00:06:01):

Doesn’t

Laci (00:06:01):

Sound nearly precious

Matt (00:06:03):

Enough.

(00:06:03):

That’s what he plays in his roles is the man child. And I think it all starts … Well, I mean, old school was earlier this year. But okay, so David Berenbaum wrote the script in the early ’90s. Apparently it was a much darker idea for a movie. We did the Santa Claus last year with Tim Allen, which also had a similar trajectory, starts as a much darker comedy and then they get sort of … Then they family friendly fy it. But I think what’s interesting about this movie and the Santa Claus is you can kind of see the remnants of the darker movie lurking everywhere, which I’ll point out when we get to them. Please do. Yeah.

AJ (00:06:38):

I want to hear that.

Laci (00:06:39):

And interestingly enough, I doubt this is interesting. I always confuse the endings of each of those movies. And when I’m watching the Santa Claus, I’m waiting for the slay to land and then the lady reporter to be like, “There, Santa.” When the fuck?

Laci (00:06:57):

Spirits. You live in a world with actual Santa. This is never going to stop pissing me off. You believe if presidents, they happen at your house. This is why we need a script, Matt. Okay, go. All

Matt (00:07:11):

Right. David Berenbaum said he was interviewed in 2024 in the Marionite, his student newspaper about writing the script. He said, “What if … ” So he was very inspired by the 1964 Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer special. As was John Favreau. That was what they wanted this to feel like. And what Barrenbaum said was, “What if instead of being a reindeer with a red nose as a misfit, he was a six foot three guy who was adopted and didn’t know it, living in the North Pole, and he was a misfit.” It goes on to say Tom Hanks and Big was sort of what he had in mind when he was writing the script. “Loved Tom Hanks’ performance as a child in a big city trying to fit in. I sort of used that as a paradigm. I had finished the script in 96 and I did not really know Will Ferrell at that point.

(00:07:57):

“But at that point, that’s when Jim Carey gets attached, but it doesn’t go anywhere. It then gets picked up and a different star gets attached. I couldn’t find out who that different star was.

Laci (00:08:05):

Sorry to interject with the most lazy question ever, but how tall is Jim Carey? And you don’t even know, but when you picture Jim Carrey in your head, he doesn’t read a short, but you don’t think of him as that tall guy. 6’2″. But wouldn’t you agree Will Ferrell, maybe because he was always paired with Sherry O’Terry

Matt (00:08:23):

And- They’re like the same height.

Laci (00:08:24):

Thank you so much for interrupting. But because he was always paired with Sherry O’Terry, who I think is my size in the SNL skits, I think of Will Ferrell as a giant. I just think he works better for a big, tall man for

Matt (00:08:40):

Me. He just reads as bigger. I mean, he’s not here.

AJ (00:08:42):

Yeah. Yeah. He’s got more weight on.

Matt (00:08:45):

What is our relationship with Will Farrell in general, everybody?

Laci (00:08:48):

Best friends.

Matt (00:08:49):

Your best friends with him? Will Ferrell movies.

AJ (00:08:53):

Oh man. Well, I think one of my favorites is Talladega Nice. Oh yeah.

Laci (00:08:58):

Ricky Bobby.

Christie (00:08:59):

That’s a great one.

AJ (00:09:00):

Love Ricky Bob.

Laci (00:09:03):

That one was a little bit of a sleeper and I think its reputation has lasted and become bigger because I feel like it followed two amazing movies. So I feel like when it came out people were kind of like … I don’t know. I just remembered it. I didn’t hit the thing.

AJ (00:09:23):

Man, I loved it. When that movie came out, my family and I, we watched that shit. Man, we watched that shit all the time. Ricky Bobby.

Laci (00:09:31):

Because people talk about that one now I find way more than old school, which I thought was amazing.

Matt (00:09:40):

Anchorman, it was the giant hit at the time and then it just only lasted. Maybe it’s like these movies have lasted on home video and streaming and people just watching them over and over and over again and quoting them constantly. The

Laci (00:09:52):

Ricky Bobby one though is the one I hear people quote the most, which is crazy.

AJ (00:09:56):

It’s got a lot of great lines.

Matt (00:09:58):

My favorite is Stepbrothers because they’re so sweet. They are so sweet. This is always my boring reaction to comedy. Like, no, it’s sweet. That’s nice.

Laci (00:10:05):

You just want to be best friends with your brother and that’s cute.

Matt (00:10:07):

Yeah.

AJ (00:10:09):

Step brothers is … Yeah, that is a good one too though. I do like stepbrothers too.

Laci (00:10:12):

And it’s got a perfect straight man in it, right? You got to have that, I always forget his name, but he was also in Cabin In Woods. No. Cabin in the dad. Richard Jenkins. I might be Richard Jenkins.

AJ (00:10:23):

Isn’t Stepbrothers the Catalina Wine Mix

Laci (00:10:26):

One? Yes. Yeah. No, you’ve got it perfectly straight. Christie, what’s your favorite Will Ferrell?

Matt (00:10:31):

She said Talbot Knights.

Laci (00:10:32):

Oh, did she? Yeah. Does he rub you the wrong way in anything or are you a Will Farrell guy? Girl, Gail.

Christie (00:10:41):

I’m not a huge Will Ferrell fan.

Laci (00:10:46):

I don’t usually find middle ground with that. A cast can make him more palatable if he’s not the main focus, but I am full throttle. Will Ferrell can do no wrong. That is amazing.

Christie (00:11:00):

I believe that.

Laci (00:11:02):

I’ve absorbed him into my personality too. I wanted to be on SNL and I didn’t want to be Sherro Terry. I wanted to be Will Ferrell.

Matt (00:11:10):

Elf is going to be the thing he’s best remembered for weirdly. Well,

Laci (00:11:13):

Then it’s just like country music. If you make a country music album, I don’t care who you are, that’s the thing that fucking takes off and you’re remembered by it because it’s the most stupid people listen to it. And Christmas, because you play it every single year, it’s the cheat code to fucking be in a country music, do a line dance, line dance. Line dance country, step in.

AJ (00:11:39):

She’s speaking facts about the country music because everyone seems to be switching to

Laci (00:11:42):

Country lane.

AJ (00:11:42):

Oh, that’s true.

Laci (00:11:44):

Dumb drunk white people like to fucking dance and they don’t know how. You tell them the steps in a song and now they’re happy.

Matt (00:11:51):

That is nice. I do appreciate that. We just want some instruction.

Laci (00:11:54):

Put your beard down. And to be told I’m doing a good job. I’ll shake it to the left. Don’t slap your wife and talk to your children. Now talk to your children.

Matt (00:12:04):

So you are like Mariah Carey All I want for Christmas is you. That song might be the song from the 20th century that endures long. It’s just because there will always be Christmas.

Laci (00:12:13):

Because you need that

Matt (00:12:14):

Christmas

Laci (00:12:15):

Feeling.

Matt (00:12:16):

Yes. So this More Than Anchorman might be the role he’s best remembered for. But yeah, it ends up with Will Farrell. He’s partners with Adam McKay at the time. They rewrite the script and they are the ones who bring aboard John Favreau to direct. But Will Farrell, Hollywood had been trying to make him happen as a leading man for a little while. A night at the Roxbury was five years earlier. It was not a hit. Movie.

Laci (00:12:42):

I’ve probably seen it the most of any Will Ferrell

Matt (00:12:44):

Movie. Wow. Okay. Never. It just

Laci (00:12:45):

Became one of my goodnight movies. That’s always what happens.

Matt (00:12:48):

Yeah, I think we’ll probably cover it one day. I’ve never seen it. But it didn’t really happen for him until earlier in 2003 when he’s the third lead in old school, but everybody agrees he’s the best part of old school. And then this movie comes out, Matt Stokes reviews it for his high school newspaper, gives it a positive review. It’s destined to become a new Christmas classic. I called it at the time.

AJ (00:13:08):

What was your rating system for that paper?

Matt (00:13:13):

Yeah, I did four stars. I did Roger Ebert Rules because Roger Ebert is the only movie critic I knew about at the time.

Laci (00:13:19):

Dick Rider till he does.

Matt (00:13:20):

So I gave it three and a half out of four stars. She said Dick Writer.

Laci (00:13:26):

This man loves a crotchety white man. He loves … No, that’s not true. You love crotchety men. You said Danny Glover is one of your family. I love Danny.

Matt (00:13:33):

I always record, what about Danny Glover? What about that one black

Laci (00:13:35):

Guy I like?

Matt (00:13:37):

Well, because when we’re listing my favorite actors, we’d send a notice like, “You seem to really like old grumpy old white man.” And then I’m like, “But Danny Glover though.” Danny Glover, you win. I have a type. I love a really grumpy old man. Even when they weren’t old, I liked them when they were young too.

Laci (00:13:54):

There’s some people who have always seemed old.

Matt (00:13:57):

Dan Glover

Laci (00:13:58):

Has always been

AJ (00:13:59):

Old. Yeah. He’s been the same age forever. Yes.

Matt (00:14:01):

Yeah. Elf. Will Farrell. I mean, this is one of those movies where it’s like this has a great cast. I think it’s really well directed, but this is all on Will Farrell’s shoulders. Actually, I think James Khan too is underrated in how this works, but-

Laci (00:14:14):

I was surprised at how much of it he’s in.

Matt (00:14:17):

But this is like a superstar. A superstar is born performance because everything comes from Will Ferrell in this movie and he’s outstanding in it.

Laci (00:14:28):

He makes you believe that he’s winning these people over every step of the way. They give you just enough reality of him in the small doses annoying the shit out of random people, but if you’re around him enough, he’s infectious. Yes, you buy it up.

AJ (00:14:45):

Yeah, he is. Because you get that feeling that everything’s from such a good place. He’s like, “This dude’s so genuine.”

Laci (00:14:51):

Sure. Yes. And I hate to sprinkle autism on it because I can’t help myself, but that is how there’s this earnest good heart. I don’t mean anyone any wrong. And I’m saying things that are true. At least I think they’re true. Tell me a role and I’ll follow it. It’s just something so that’ll get me every time.

Matt (00:15:15):

And that’s why I think James Khan is so interesting because he’s not playing this like a What About Bob movie or something where he’s like, everybody loves him except for the grump. He’s just quietly annoyed like, “Oh, come on. “

Laci (00:15:27):

Yes. I had completely rewritten history not realizing he buys in fast and he’s moderately sweet with the nickname. He calls him Bud.

Matt (00:15:39):

Comes

Laci (00:15:39):

Out.

Matt (00:15:40):

He just can’t be bothered right now. It’s

Laci (00:15:42):

A bad time. I can see it. The 80s, 90s business dad really wants to emerge, but they made it sweeter and it works.

Matt (00:15:53):

So old schools earlier in 2003, Elf late 2003 makes him a bonafide superstar movie star. Then they bring on John Favreau. John Favreau at the time, let’s see, let’s see, John Favreau. He said- Wow.

Laci (00:16:09):

Look at him.

Christie (00:16:10):

He’s so young

Laci (00:16:11):

Looking.

Matt (00:16:12):

That’s it. We’re looking at a screenshot from Swingers.

Laci (00:16:14):

He’s barely annoying me. Look at him.

Matt (00:16:16):

Annoying? Okay.

Laci (00:16:17):

No, no, I like him, but he kind of smells his own shit. You make a cameo in all your movies.

Matt (00:16:24):

Calm down. Catch cock.

Laci (00:16:25):

Calm down.

Matt (00:16:28):

He started his career doing improv in Chicago alongside Amy Sedaris, who plays the secretary in this

Laci (00:16:34):

Movie. You have

Matt (00:16:35):

To tell me. So he said to Rolling Stone in 2013, “Our goal even then was to make a movie that could be a part of the Pantheon. The fact that it’s in Christmas rotation is the highest honor that movie can have. ” So this started with him saying, “I took a look at the script and I wasn’t particularly interested. It was a much darker version of the film. I liked the notion of being involved with Will in his first solo movie after SNL, but it wasn’t quite there. I was asked to take another look at it. They were looking for somebody to rewrite and possibly direct it. And I remember reading and it clicked. If I made the world that he was from as though he grew up as an elf in root off the red nosed reindeer, one of those rank and bass specials, Christmas specials I grew up with, then everything fell into place tonally.

(00:17:17):

So for a year I rewrote the script. I turned it into more of a PG movie from a PG13. He was a darker character in the script I had read originally. The character became a bit more innocent and the world became more of a pastiche of the Rankin Bass films.”

Laci (00:17:31):

So the elving world was more of blue collar or something in the original. Because I mean it is glaring how much those elves love to work in this movie. I’m just like, capitalism, capitalism, capitalism, capitalism. So it’s interesting. So they were more like gnomes, drinking when they clock out for the day.

Matt (00:17:57):

Yeah. In fact, San is like, “All right, another Christmas behind us, let’s start preparing for Christmas next year.” And they are delighted. Yes.

Laci (00:18:03):

Well, right.

AJ (00:18:03):

Yeah. They’re like,

Laci (00:18:04):

Yay. Fuck thank you, Bezos. More packages. Yes.

Matt (00:18:08):

Yeah. They get to pee in a bottle every 18 hours and they love it.

Laci (00:18:11):

And they drink it and it tastes delicious.

Matt (00:18:12):

And what does Will Farrell say? I slept a lot last night. I slept 40 minutes. He does. He’s a Bezos factory worker.

Laci (00:18:18):

There are a million. I wrote them all down.

Matt (00:18:20):

Okay, good, good. I love this. Because you said, “Oh, Matt, I have a read on this movie.” I was like, “Let me guess. It’s about childhood trauma.” And you’re like, “No, it’s not capitalism.” And I was like, “Sir, I’m listening.”

Laci (00:18:30):

That’s all I have to do.

Matt (00:18:33):

John Favreau as an actor has a small role in the 1993 movie Rudy, which Vince Vaughn is also in. That’s where they became friends. And then they made swingers. John Favreau wrote Swingers. They start Swinger’s big hit and a big movie for some of the douchiest men you’ll ever meet. I do like that movie

Laci (00:18:50):

Though. I

Matt (00:18:51):

Like that movie too. And

Laci (00:18:52):

Then- Were you guys into this Favro sphere made in Swingers when it … Yeah, it was.

AJ (00:18:58):

Never seen either of those films.

Laci (00:19:01):

Swingers is worth watching. I don’t remember if Made’s very good. It’s just Swingers part two in my head.

Matt (00:19:05):

Made is the first movie he made as a director. He made as a director and then that got him to Elf. But at that point, he is a comedy director and I feel like the movie … Elf is very well directed comedy movie, but you can tell right away how interested he is in the special effects and the technology. The stuff that would lead him to go down the Disney live action animal rabbit hole that he stuck in.

Laci (00:19:30):

What?

Matt (00:19:30):

He directed the jungle book in The Lion King. He

Laci (00:19:33):

Did?

Matt (00:19:33):

Yeah.

Laci (00:19:36):

Oh my God. I thought he was Judd Apatow, which is just now. Okay.

Matt (00:19:42):

Ow.

Laci (00:19:43):

John Favreau. Got it. Yeah. I mean, I knew it. You know what I mean?

Matt (00:19:46):

You knew

AJ (00:19:47):

It, but you didn’t.

Laci (00:19:47):

I did a switch a rule.

AJ (00:19:51):

I recently realized that he directed The Lion King, that live action remake. I was like, oh shit, I didn’t realize he did that. That was so fucking random.

Matt (00:19:58):

I didn’t realize it had a director. I thought it was just AI. Some corporate mandated just generated slop. Yeah.

Laci (00:20:06):

Yeah. He’s trying to recreate some kind of childhood. I don’t know. I guess he’s

Matt (00:20:11):

Chasing

Laci (00:20:11):

A dragon.

Matt (00:20:11):

There are directors like James Cameron who are like, “I’m obsessed with the technology and I want to find out how to make it work in the movies.” So

Laci (00:20:18):

That’s Favreau then? He’s on record is saying he’s waiting. Every time new technology comes,

Matt (00:20:24):

He wants to show. Yeah.

Laci (00:20:25):

No, no, no, this time.

Matt (00:20:26):

He also, I mean, he makes Elf and it’s a big hit and then he makes one more movie Zethura, which is very good, but it was a flop. That’s a good one. Yeah, it is really good. It’s a good one. It’s like the unofficial sequel to Jumanji.

Laci (00:20:37):

Oh yeah, yeah. Yep. It is good. I remember.

Matt (00:20:39):

And then he gets put in charge of the MCU. He directs Ironman and from then on he is just only … And then he gets put in charge of Star Wars. He’s

Laci (00:20:47):

Only doing- It’s the fucking May. Now I remember.

Matt (00:20:48):

Exactly.

Laci (00:20:49):

I’m on the right timeline now. Okay.

Christie (00:20:51):

He knew the right people.

AJ (00:20:53):

Oh yeah. Disney corporate slave

Matt (00:20:55):

Now. So he said, “Part of the pitch to make it a rank and bass world and not a big CGI extravaganza. Part of it is my aesthetic. I like the techniques and technologies used when I was growing up. I like motion control, models, matte paintings. It feels timeless. And stop motion is my favorite.”

Laci (00:21:10):

Okay. I was going to add, that is real stop motion in the beginning. And it looks wonderful. And you can tell the budget’s not there. Here it is for five minutes and then- I’m not saying it looks bad. I’m saying that they weren’t totally buying in. He probably wanted it a little bit more.

Matt (00:21:24):

But it tells you right away what kind of movie you’re in.

Laci (00:21:26):

Absolutely.

Matt (00:21:28):

I love it so much. It’s my favorite stuff in the movie is the first five minutes, not surprisingly. But I know you

Laci (00:21:32):

Would love the credits.

Matt (00:21:34):

And he said he had to fight very hard to make sure there’s no CGI in this movie. There’s a little bit of CGI, but he’s like, “I want to do this the way they would’ve done this in the ’60s.” And it does look like the Rudolph special. It does. James Kahn, 63 years old at the time. I mean-

Laci (00:21:49):

He’s a fucking smoke show.

Matt (00:21:51):

I love

Laci (00:21:51):

Him.

Matt (00:21:52):

Yeah, I fucking love James Kahn. And I think the reason as a high school student, I was so excited for this movie was because of James Kahn because I’m like, I’m like 16 and really smart because I love The Godfather. And the guy from The Godfather’s in this movie. Oh,

Laci (00:22:05):

I instantly though of fucking the firm.

Matt (00:22:07):

He’s not in the firm.

Laci (00:22:08):

Yeah, that’s why I thought.

AJ (00:22:09):

Oh yeah, you’re on your film snob.

Laci (00:22:13):

Yes. Your

AJ (00:22:14):

Film snob in high school.

Matt (00:22:16):

But the most basic kind of film snob. You know it’s a good movie, The Godfather.

Laci (00:22:20):

To be fair, we only had the library. So it was hard to be too knowledgeable of things and be smart.

Matt (00:22:29):

I guess.You

Laci (00:22:30):

Went in a different eye on the library than we did or I did. That’s all.

Matt (00:22:35):

If you weren’t capable of talking to other people, then yes. Because if you could talk to them- Who just got

Laci (00:22:41):

Insulted me?

Matt (00:22:42):

No, me, me. Oh,

Laci (00:22:42):

Good.

Matt (00:22:43):

Because if I could talk to other people who knew about movies, I could maybe learn more things. But it was just like, oh, okay, the most important movies are The Godfather, Gone With Wind.

Laci (00:22:53):

You didn’t want to learn more things. You wanted to be the person who knew the most in the conversation. If you had seen another movie snob at your school, you would have turned

Matt (00:23:01):

Around.

Laci (00:23:01):

No.

Matt (00:23:01):

Terminator and terminator vision target on that person for termination. No, I agree. That’s why I said that’s capable is the word I said. I was not capable.

Laci (00:23:10):

Capable of sharing.This is why these things go on and on.

Matt (00:23:14):

James Khan. Famously, after his movie star run in this Events, he retired from acting for a while and then was very open about having to come out of retirement for money. And from then on, he seemed to only take jobs for money. Yes. I mean, he is like the scariest guy of all time. I don’t know. I mean, even in their quotes, John Favreau and Will Ferrell talking about it. Quotes. Talking about what it was like to work with him, they’re like, “Yeah, I mean, it was kind of tough. He’s kind of a tough cookie, but we got him there eventually.”

AJ (00:23:50):

Well, hey, there’s one movie I like where he does not get a chance to play tough and that’s misery. I fucking love that movie.

Matt (00:23:57):

And what I learned is he took the role in misery because he’s like, “You’re telling me I can lay down the whole time? Okay.”

AJ (00:24:04):

You get a paycheck.

Matt (00:24:05):

Yeah. This was kind of an unusual role for him to take. He was not necessarily a comedic actor. Will Farrell said that James Conn was annoyed with him the entire time on set, wasn’t here for all the improvising, all the nonsense. Kind of a Tommy Lee Jones on Batman Forever when he told Jim Carey, “I shall not sanction your buffoonery anymore.”

Laci (00:24:27):

So it’s not as much acting as you think then. It’s just a lot of him like, “All right. There you go.

AJ (00:24:33):

Yeah. I’m actually sick of this guy for him.”

Matt (00:24:37):

So he said that James Kahn would say to him in between takes like, “I don’t get you. You’re not funny.”

Laci (00:24:43):

What?

Matt (00:24:43):

Oh my

Christie (00:24:44):

Gosh.

Matt (00:24:44):

But that’s what makes his performance so funny.

Laci (00:24:47):

But to say it to his fucking face. God, that might be why Will Farrell’s so on fire too, because he’s triggering his golden retriever, people pleaser. “You will like me, Danny. How can I even make you … Oh, man. I hope he got him to laugh even just one time. Oh, I hope it’s-

Matt (00:25:04):

You’ll like where this story goes. Oh,

Laci (00:25:05):

Thank fucking Christ. All right, come

Matt (00:25:06):

On. Okay. On the messy podcast with Christina Applegate and Jamie Lynn Siegler in 2024, Will Ferrell said,” James Khan may he rest in peace and we had such a good time working on that. “He’s

Laci (00:25:17):

Dead?

Matt (00:25:18):

Yeah, he died in 2022.

Laci (00:25:20):

You have to tell me these things.

Matt (00:25:22):

Ugh, sorry. I’m sure I did tell you at the time. Laci, James con died.

Laci (00:25:26):

Yeah, then you got to tell me.

AJ (00:25:28):

And you had to find him the podcast. That sucks.

Matt (00:25:31):

God, of all places to find out.

Laci (00:25:34):

I find out the same thing multiple times all the time. I

Matt (00:25:37):

Got bad news for you about John F. Kennedy.

Laci (00:25:40):

No.

Matt (00:25:43):

So he says,” We had such a good time working on that movie. He would tease me. We’d be in between setups. He was like, “I don’t get you. You’re not funny. You’re not funny.” And I’m like, “I know I’m not Robin Williams.” He’s like, “People ask me, is he funny?” And I’m like, “No, he’s not funny.” I love that the whole time he’s not acting. He’s truly annoyed with me. Will this guy shut the fuck up? Jesus. So I literally drove him crazy in that movie just acting like that kid.

Laci (00:26:11):

Is some of it improvising like him jumping across to the …

Matt (00:26:14):

Oh yeah. Buddy

Laci (00:26:14):

The elf, what’s your favorite color? I still do that.

Matt (00:26:16):

Yeah, because I have a quote from John Favreau where he explains like, “Yeah, everybody was improvising except James Kahn.”

Laci (00:26:21):

Okay, see, but so that’s what I was waiting for because I thought Favreau was the one who does the movies where you get to see the behind the scenes.

Matt (00:26:29):

The boopers. Oh, the bloopers? No. Yeah.

Laci (00:26:30):

Where do those go?

Matt (00:26:31):

No, but he does have that appetal like everybody, just go, just go.

Laci (00:26:35):

I love that.

Matt (00:26:37):

He said, “We were walking out of the theater at the premiere and we walk out together and he was like, I take it as the best compliment because it’s coming from James Kahn.” He’s like, “I got to tell you, I thought everything you were doing while we were filming was way too over the top. Now that I see it in the movie, it’s brilliant.”

Laci (00:26:53):

There it is. Goosebumps. Delivered.

Matt (00:26:55):

Yep.

AJ (00:26:56):

So that one part in the movie where he fucking yells at buddy, that was him legitimately.

Christie (00:27:04):

No,

AJ (00:27:05):

That makes sense because the delivery was incredible.

Matt (00:27:08):

And that is where it’s like, yeah, this is James Con from The Godfather. This is James Conn from all the James Khan movies coming out where he is like, “I’m going to fucking murder you and throw you in the river and no one’s ever going to find you and your kids or forget you ever lived.”

Laci (00:27:19):

Oh my

Matt (00:27:20):

God.

Laci (00:27:20):

Sounds good.

Matt (00:27:21):

John Favreau said about James Khan. He said, “He would always give me a hard time about it being called Elf.” Why is it called Elf? I think he was embarrassed about the title.

Laci (00:27:29):

What about dad?

Matt (00:27:30):

He was very familiar. He was very familiar to me being from Queens. I’m Jewish and Italian and he’s Jewish and everybody thinks he’s Italian, so there’s a familiarity. Will is a very generous, disarming person. Con always felt like he was being treated right on the set. Will and I were kind of starstruck by him, but Will would bust his balls a lot, which was fun too. Will gave him as a rap gift. He wrote a note that says, “Great working with you. “

Laci (00:27:53):

Tell me it was the Teddy. Tell me it was the lingerie.

Matt (00:27:55):

So about the gift, he said, “The first one is a little bit slow, but the second two are really good, and it was the Godfather trilogy,

(00:28:02):

Because of course he’s only in the first one. The thing with Con is he’s got a great sense of humor. So if you could make him laugh, all the tension disappear. So we kept him laughing and he kept us laughing. It took a while to get him with the program. I surrounded him with a lot of improvisers like Andy Richter and Kyle Gass and Amy Sedaris. When I’m working with improv people, I give them the green light to just bring it and try things. So every take was different. Eventually something just clicked in Jimmy and he just went with it. He was a lot of fun.

Laci (00:28:30):

I can’t stop with the goosebump. I want to go live there. I want to go live during that movie there.

Matt (00:28:37):

Nothing better than when Will Ferrell hugs him and he hugs it back by just going … But he means it. That was

Laci (00:28:45):

Good. It’s like Dennis the Menace at the end. It’s like as soon as he hugs the little shit at the end, he’s like, ” I’m so glad that you’re not gone and dead and child murdered, but I am already annoyed that I’m still holding you.

Matt (00:29:02):

“Yep. All right. We’ll get to the movie in a minute. It was giant hit $230 million worldwide on a 30 million dollar budget, perennial Christmas classic, merchandising, et cetera. There was a Broadway musical in 2010.

Laci (00:29:17):

I saw it.

Matt (00:29:18):

What?

Laci (00:29:19):

At the Slidell

Matt (00:29:20):

Little

Laci (00:29:20):

Theater.

Matt (00:29:23):

At our local theater. Who do a great job? Slide A Little Theater.

Laci (00:29:26):

Who really do?

Matt (00:29:28):

A Stop Motion Animation special in 2014, which I didn’t know about. I’m going to make a little bonus video about the Stop Motion animated version of Elf. But here’s the best thing of all. No sequel, never got a sequel.

Laci (00:29:42):

Yes, you’re so right. You’re so right.

Matt (00:29:46):

Why was there never a sequel? I mean, this really is like …

Laci (00:29:50):

A minor miracle.

Matt (00:29:52):

And I’m saying there will definitely be a sequel one day. At a certain point, they make the dollar amount to where you cannot refuse it.

Laci (00:29:59):

Keeping It’d have to be Will Ferrell. There can’t be an actor in their right mind although I could kind of see a version of the guy that’s in, I think You Should Leave, just being- Tim Robinson. I don’t know what he would do if he’d be the dad or the elf, but you need someone that out of sync with people and so out of sync with normal wavelengths that it’s funny.

Matt (00:30:25):

But nobody wants that. What they want is they just want to see the people they know. They’re not even going to like the movie. No one’s going to like it, but it’ll make $400 million. Why was there never a sequel? It seems like lots of people give different reasons. John Favreau always like, well, there’s nowhere for the story to go. The story’s complete. It’s like, okay, but that’s true of most movies and lots of movies get sequels anyway. James Khan said it’s because Will Ferrell and John Favreau didn’t get along. And apparently both of them have kill rights and that’s why there’s never been a movie.

Laci (00:30:57):

Good on them for having kill rights. But well, maybe it’s because he was only in the first Godfather. He feels like you won’t make it into the second

Christie (00:31:04):

One.

Matt (00:31:06):

I did. James Khan said he was excited. Finally, I’m in a franchise. I can buy my kids nicer stuff and then they never made a sequel. Oh

Christie (00:31:13):

Man.

Matt (00:31:13):

And now he’s deaf. Now he’s dead. Dang. That’s the history of Elf. And now we’re going to move on and talk about … Yes?

Laci (00:31:21):

You don’t have a rich history of orphans and Christmas movies to

Matt (00:31:24):

Discuss? Ah, fuck. I considered it, but this went a lot longer than I thought it would. Well, don’t

Laci (00:31:29):

You worry, I’ve got some.

Matt (00:31:30):

Okay, good.

Laci (00:31:31):

I don’t. They’re just my thoughts. I didn’t look up anything. All right, go.

Matt (00:32:09):

Well, we open at the North Pole. With Bob Newhart, just being the most Bob Newhart you could possibly be. Little

Laci (00:32:18):

Legs.

Matt (00:32:19):

A job that only an elf can do and work in San’s Workshop. We’re no human. No human.

Laci (00:32:27):

No one else did it like this. It worked in his day. I don’t

Matt (00:32:31):

Want to- Oh, I love Bob Newhart. This is great. Yeah. You get Bob Newhart and at Asper. And

Laci (00:32:35):

Ed Asner. All of Nick at night. Give me Dick Van Dyke. Don’t tell me he’s dead.

Matt (00:32:40):

I think he is still alive. Yes. He’s like 100 years old.

Christie (00:32:43):

He can be the hell. Yeah, 9,900 year old. There’s no way that man is still alive. He’s still a locker room.

Matt (00:32:48):

I swear I saw him in a video

AJ (00:32:49):

Recently. I swear I just saw him in a video recently.

Matt (00:32:52):

Like what kind of video?

Laci (00:32:54):

Two girls, one

Matt (00:32:56):

Cup. Like a Minecraft video? Not that kind

AJ (00:32:58):

Of video. No, I think it was like one of those variety interview type video type things.

Laci (00:33:03):

Okay. Well, you got to remember, they are on top of pop culture shit because they talk about horror from a 360 angle.

Matt (00:33:12):

They

Laci (00:33:12):

Know all the magazine stuff.

Matt (00:33:13):

He is still alive. He is almost a hundred years old. Look at him. That

Christie (00:33:16):

Is insane.

Laci (00:33:18):

If anyone deserved it, it’s him. You know how many times he tripped over that fucking Ottoman and he’s still kicking?

AJ (00:33:24):

Maybe

Matt (00:33:24):

That’s what he got to do.

AJ (00:33:25):

It was actually people that did a video like six days ago on YouTube where he’s like 99 year old Dick Van Dyke. He asks his life in photos.

Christie (00:33:33):

That is insane.

Laci (00:33:35):

Perfect team. You

Matt (00:33:35):

Know what he tributes his long life to, that he was in such a loving marriage for so long.

Laci (00:33:41):

We’re going to live. There’s a couple others.

Matt (00:33:44):

That’s the

Laci (00:33:44):

King. I tried. I tried. Christie. Sonny did. She’s trying to be sweet. Man.

Matt (00:33:52):

Now we’re going to live for a long time, love, because we’re in a great relationship, but you’re going to die first, even though you think I’m going to die first. Oh,

Laci (00:33:58):

I know

Matt (00:33:59):

I’m going to

Laci (00:33:59):

Die first.

Matt (00:34:00):

Okay, good. We have this on record. So yeah, I mean the stop motion troll that’s just randomly in the Santa’s workshop. I’m just gushing with love at this movie. At this point. Oh yeah.

Laci (00:34:16):

We needed the fart joke. I hope that’s what your second wife looks like.

Matt (00:34:20):

You hear that the. Yeah. And without realizing it, I was like, oh, this is like one of those iconic movie themes, I guess, because I know instantly that’s the elf music, even though I haven’t seen this movie that many times.

Laci (00:34:33):

That is what is special about this movie. I wouldn’t have said I’d seen it a million times until I started watching it and I knew every single thing and the theme.

AJ (00:34:42):

That theme is classic.

Laci (00:34:44):

It’s because Christmas movies have a way of becoming atmosphere. I know I want to watch Christmas vacation this year and I don’t even care if I’m looking at it. I could be on my phone the whole time. I just want it there. And there’s something about Christmas, good Christmas movies where that’s what they just kind of slowly bake in.

Matt (00:35:03):

Right. And like a Christmas story where it’s like, I don’t need to watch it in order. It can just be like, oh, check in. Oh, this is the scene where they go to the-

Laci (00:35:10):

They don’t even want us to watch in order, otherwise they wouldn’t play for 24 hours.

AJ (00:35:14):

Yeah. I like what you said about the Christmas movies being like atmosphere because baby, you know all about that. She’ll put on shit in the background, just let that shit run all day long, put shit on repeat and everything.

Laci (00:35:25):

And that’s how I was too until I met Matt. As soon as I’d walk in my house, at the end of the day, I’d just turn on my TV. I’ve always been like that. And you were like, “Did you just put that TV on and you’re not going to watch it? ” And I felt so much shame in my soul. And I went, “No, I wasn’t going to do that. ” It was such a weird thing to get used to.

Matt (00:35:48):

You’re making me sound like the world’s biggest piece of shit. I was like, “You telling me you put on that TV and you’re not even going to pay attention to it. ” That’s

Laci (00:35:59):

How I received it.

Matt (00:36:01):

Yeah. Okay, probably.

Laci (00:36:02):

It was a big adjustment, but now I can’t imagine putting it on unless I’ve got a purpose.

Matt (00:36:07):

We go down to the orphanage. It is a girl, yes. And not only that, they apparently fired the boy that they hired to play this-

Christie (00:36:13):

Get

Matt (00:36:13):

The

Christie (00:36:13):

Fuck out.

Matt (00:36:14):

He’s doing a terrible job. He’s

Christie (00:36:16):

Cutting up.

Matt (00:36:17):

Twin boys that they have fired, get these boys out of here.

Christie (00:36:21):

Damn, at least they have each other. They was both cutting up.

Laci (00:36:23):

That’s right. They had to put one in the bag so the other one would crawl to it and that baby almost died.

Matt (00:36:29):

So yeah, we go to this orphanage, a nun is tucking a baby into a crib and then she just leaves the baby behind and then Santa, Ed Asner Santa comes down and the baby’s like, “That’s intriguing. Yeah. Okay.” And then very easily gets out of the crib and sneaks into Santa’s sack. That’s

Laci (00:36:44):

Why those cribs are now recalled. The dropside crib. No, that was when we were growing up. Those have killed. Those have decapitated babies.

Matt (00:36:54):

Yeah, but eventually we’re going to find out actually the kinds of cribs that you slide down are actually better for the baby because … Yeah.

Laci (00:37:00):

They need trauma.

Matt (00:37:02):

Back at the North Bowl, the baby comes out of the sack and its diaper says blue buddy diaper. So they’re like, “Hey, the baby’s name is Buddy, isn’t it? ” All right. So Bob Newhart adopts the baby and we get to see him grow up real fast. This is John Favreau’s kid playing Buddy as a child. That

Christie (00:37:22):

Looks

Matt (00:37:23):

Cool. Is that Will Farrell’s kid maybe? But no, it’s John

Christie (00:37:29):

Favros. Looks just like him.

Laci (00:37:32):

But the orphanage part of it though did get me thinking. I mean, orphans, I mean Annie, that cartoon that I like- Christmas carol. There are orphans everywhere around Christmas movies. I was just like, what is it for? Is it for gawking? Is it for or at least we’re not those fuckers? I have a couple of good friends who came up in the foster care system. So for all intents and purposes, that’s an orphan. And I think it’s shittier than that. It’s because it’s like a thing that every orphan gets one present and I think it’s to keep the need inside of the children of like, as long as I get many things, I don’t care what kind of crap it is, I want lots to open because I don’t want to be like an orphan. I think all of it is to charge the consumerism in us.

(00:38:28):

It’s interesting because in this Santa’s workshop, they’re making toys we know of an echo sketch, a light bright, a- Mr. Potato Head. Mr. Potato Head, yes. I even thought I saw Bob the fucking builder in there. He was there. Yes. And the whole thing, the magical place we actually spent our time in is fucking Bindles and he makes these amazing Lego sets that really exist and he plays the toys that are real. And anyway, the whole thing is just, it’s just like supercharging our need for like shit. It’s movie it’s capitalism.

Matt (00:39:04):

I think that it has the right sort of light touch with all of its rules. It’s making jokes about like, okay, here in class we’re going to learn how to make complex microchips or whatever because the idea is like, yeah, we’re also making the second genesises and stuff up here at the North Pole, but it doesn’t want to get bogged down in all the rules about like, wait, so people believe in Christmas, but then there’s Christmas spirit that powers the slay, but not enough. So they have to supplement it with the clausometer. And then I think at the end of the movie when they start having the like, we got to get more people to believe. That’s when I think the movie kind of … I still like it, but I think the last like 15 minutes of the movie really dragged for me because then we’re starting to get bogged down in all this like Christmas lore.

Laci (00:39:44):

I personally don’t like it at any time when any movie goes to Central Park. I don’t like it at home alone too. Oh really? Yeah, I don’t like it home 21 too. I don’t like it here. And I think there’s another example, and if I had a third, it’d sound really fucking smart right

Matt (00:39:54):

Now. Okay.

Laci (00:39:57):

Imagine there’s a

AJ (00:39:57):

Third. I like that. I like that element of it.

Laci (00:40:00):

What stuff?

AJ (00:40:01):

The Christmas spirit stuff at the end of it.

Laci (00:40:03):

Okay, AJ. Let’s dig in. What are you talking about? Why do you love Christmas spirit AJ? You

AJ (00:40:09):

Know what

Laci (00:40:10):

I’m saying? How’s it making you feel? Of course I know what you’re saying. I just wondered why that particular element, like you like the idea of people believing again or you like the horses, like you like the action part.

AJ (00:40:24):

Well, I mean, I like that part too, but then I like the optimism and the positivity around like everyone’s singing Christmas shit and everyone’s all fucking happy. I like the element of

Laci (00:40:40):

It. Everyone just buy into this. We only have one month where we get to feel like this. Can everybody just stop being a fucker? Yeah, no, I can buy that. We got that. I wanted to dig in a litle bit. I’m sorry.

Matt (00:40:51):

But that’s why Christmases also has the melancholy to it because we all know this is going to end and then everything’s going to go back to shit. In fact, it’s December one right now. Sorry,

Laci (00:41:02):

1. We only had two minutes for that feeling apparently in this podcast. Go on, Matt.

Matt (00:41:07):

I say this every year. We’re recording this is … No, but here’s the thing. When you get to a certain age, if we’re at December one, doesn’t it already feel like Christmas is over? It already feels like it’s over. We’re done. We’re done. It feels like it’s next Christmas already.

Laci (00:41:20):

That’s why I put up the tree two weeks ago because it’s like the only time this tree’s not going to bug me is in November.

Matt (00:41:25):

Right. When I was younger, I was like, Laci, you’re decorating too early. And now I’m thinking you can’t decorate early enough because this thing is going to end.

Laci (00:41:32):

People do it after Halloween. They pop it up November one. We got to get shit out of the … Yes. You got to get in the attic. It’s hot up there. You got to fluff the fucking tree like it’s a porn star. It takes time.

Matt (00:41:49):

I’ve done a total 180. I used to be on the opposite side and now you guys are totally right. You need to get that shit done as early as you can. Enjoy Christmas as long as you possibly can.

Laci (00:41:58):

It’s one of my favorite things about Matt. Every time I decorate, even if I’m doing it in front of him at the end, he always goes, “Thanks for making the house look so nice.” It’s like, “Oh, Matt. Oh, you’re welcome.”

Matt (00:42:12):

But then the thing about Laci is by December 10th, she’s like, “Can we get on with it? Can we take it down

Laci (00:42:18):

Now?” My waiter to instincts are coming in. I’m like, “You’re done with that string of lights, right?” Exactly. He’s

AJ (00:42:26):

Like, “Can we keep it up as long as possible?” You know what I’m saying?

Laci (00:42:30):

I wanted the fuck out of there.

Christie (00:42:32):

Everything goes away.

Laci (00:42:34):

You

Christie (00:42:34):

Get that warm

Laci (00:42:34):

Glove

Christie (00:42:35):

And light.

Laci (00:42:35):

I know. It

Christie (00:42:36):

Just gives you that serotonin.

Laci (00:42:40):

You’re right. But also it makes your house not look as dirty because Christmas junk is dirty. There’s just a lot of shit in your house and all of a sudden the toys laying about looks like, “Oh, it’s crazy.” I guess Santa came. He left out that Popeye’s chicken box and the happy and potatoes. Santa dairy boy, Christmas.

Matt (00:43:06):

So there’s some business about … Well, okay. The introduction of Will Ferrell, which I think is great and the set decoration, the forced perspective sets are amazing and we just pan over in the classroom and he’s sitting and he is a giant man sitting on a tiny desk and learning about the principles of Christmas and being an elf.

Laci (00:43:28):

He’s been there for 30 years. I just want to say this is an ableist society who don’t give a fuck about this man’s fucking spinal cord. He’s telling me in 30 years they couldn’t make him a bed where he fits or a chair where he’s

Matt (00:43:38):

Not going to

Laci (00:43:39):

Die.

Matt (00:43:39):

Yeah. I mean, this is what they do for a living. You build stuff. Build him a desk.

Laci (00:43:43):

Right. He built a fucking rocking horse out of a man’s fucking entertainment center.

Matt (00:43:47):

Build him a bed, build him a shower.

Laci (00:43:50):

Build him a shower. Raise it up. Six

Christie (00:43:53):

Inches. I didn’t even think about that, but you’re right. Why didn’t they do that?

AJ (00:43:59):

Fuck this guy.

Laci (00:44:01):

Yeah, Matt, is this a peak? Is this a peak at the cynicism?

Matt (00:44:04):

No. They

Laci (00:44:05):

Never wanted him to fit in. They wanted him uncomfortable and they pushed him out.

Matt (00:44:08):

No, I think it was just like, ooh, he’s sneaking into the shower. He doesn’t know that it’s wrong, but maybe we see part of her boobs or something. You know who I think … We’ll get to him. We’ll get to him.

Laci (00:44:20):

Get to the boobs?

Matt (00:44:21):

No, the element where I’m like, this seems more sinister and instead it’s just totally wholesome. It’s the little brother. He seems like he’s up to something.

Laci (00:44:30):

No, he seems like he’s going to hate Will Farrell for a much longer time. I like how everyone buys in so fast. It’s a relief.

Matt (00:44:39):

So Bob Newhart works on Santa Slay. I love my first big laugh of the movies. He’s like, “So every year, fewer and fewer people believe in Christmas and believe in Santa.” And so I had to build the clausometer to power the sleigh and he says, “We have a real energy crisis on our hands here.” And Will Farrell’s just like, “Oh.” And he’s like, “I mean, just see how low the clausometer is. ” And Will Ferrell says, “That’s shocking. I just love…” That shocking. I’d be like that far. I

Christie (00:45:11):

Do like that scene a lot when he’s talking about that people don’t believe in Santa and he’s like, “Well, where do they think the presents come from?” He’s so earnest and I just love it so much. They think that they eat the cookies too. Who’s going to eat the cookies?

Matt (00:45:27):

There’s a rumor. You’re hearing it more and more that the parents are the ones who eat the cookies. But like I said, it has a light touch.This doesn’t want to be like, okay, you’re telling me that one guy goes all around the world in one year. It’s just like, no, just accept it. Just go with it. Just go with it. It’s fine.

Laci (00:45:46):

They don’t even address it. They don’t even have a part of this movie where presents are being delivered. Oh, is this the movie that gave me the realization that there are some Christmas movies that end before Christmas?

Matt (00:45:58):

I don’t know.

Laci (00:45:59):

Because this one does. I mean, I know you see that they have a baby and all that, but this movie doesn’t go to Christmas Day. It does. And it made me realize how many movies do that. And I think that’s because everyone really does know it is a melancholy day. Yeah. Christmas day, it’s over. That day is hectic and sane and you watch all the press.

AJ (00:46:19):

But it’s like the last 30 seconds of the movie.

Matt (00:46:23):

Yeah. It’s when James Conn is playing the piano and Zoe Chanel is singing in her-

Laci (00:46:27):

But she’s singing in the New Year song.

Matt (00:46:29):

But Old Lang Zion is traditionally a Christmas song. It is both.

Laci (00:46:33):

It’s just in her register. It’s the only reason she’s fucking saying that.

Matt (00:46:39):

It’s a wonderful life, which ends on Christmas, also ends on Christmas Eve. They all sing Old Lang Zion and it’s a beautiful moment and I’m gusting tears and I’m going to make Laci watch it this year.

Laci (00:46:49):

I’ve fucking seen it.

Matt (00:46:51):

Yeah, but you haven’t seen it.

Laci (00:46:53):

Okay. I haven’t

Matt (00:46:55):

Seen it in a while either.

Laci (00:46:57):

I haven’t seen it yet.

Matt (00:46:58):

Oh, it’s so great. I’ll

Laci (00:46:59):

Let you know if it tickles my balls.

Matt (00:47:02):

It’s just one of the great American movies. I don’t know what to tell you.

Laci (00:47:06):

I’m going to trust you on

Matt (00:47:08):

This one. So there are drawbacks to being a human in an elf’s world. He sucks at making toys. He could only make 85 etches sketches. He should be up to 2,000 a day. The elf supervisor, Mingming, is played by Peter Billingsley, Ralphie from a Christmas story. How about that?

Christie (00:47:21):

Oh, cool. You know AJ doesn’t like a Christmas story people.

AJ (00:47:24):

Hold on a second.

Christie (00:47:25):

Whoa. I never said that.

AJ (00:47:27):

I never said that.

Matt (00:47:28):

It’s

AJ (00:47:29):

Just not like my preference. You know what I’m saying?

Matt (00:47:32):

It’s not your preference.

AJ (00:47:33):

That’s not my movie.

Matt (00:47:35):

No, I love a Christmas story, but I don’t know what movies I would go to war for, but that wouldn’t be what you did.

Laci (00:47:44):

It was only the premise of our fucking podcast when we first started, but yeah. That’s

Matt (00:47:48):

Why we had to

Laci (00:47:48):

Change it. We had to change it. We feel less strongly than we thought.

Matt (00:47:55):

When we talk about Star Wars and you’re like, “Stupid.” It’s not stupid. It’s

Laci (00:47:59):

Just slow and fucking Layla sucks so much fucking Quailu dick. She’s so boring.

Matt (00:48:05):

Well, her name isn’t Layla. It’s Leah, but okay.

Laci (00:48:07):

Well, she should change it so that everybody can know her. She’s tired. She is mid-nap. She’s supposed to be a girl boss in a full face of makeup. I’m sorry. Her entire fucking planet dies in front of her face and she goes like this. No.

Matt (00:48:24):

My planet.

Laci (00:48:25):

Oh no.

AJ (00:48:27):

I never heard that take

Matt (00:48:28):

Before. No, this is insane. I don’t know what movie Laci is watching. She’s not watching Star Wars where Leah takes charge.

Laci (00:48:37):

She didn’t fucking take charge.

Matt (00:48:39):

The

Laci (00:48:39):

Gun is bigger than her.

Matt (00:48:41):

Buddy says he’s the worst elf in the world. Let’s face it. I’m a cottonheaded nini muggins.

Christie (00:48:46):

Clonheaded ninimuggees. You’re not a cottonheaded nini muggets. I do like that

Matt (00:48:52):

Part. Laci put our baby for his first Christmas in a little outfit that said cottonheaded nini muggins. I didn’t know what it was a reference to because I didn’t remember this movie. It’s like, okay. Are you trying to say a slur?

Laci (00:49:06):

And then I pulled out the paper from your high school that I framed and was like, “Matt, look at your review.” No, I didn’t fucking do that.

Matt (00:49:13):

They give him some busy work testing the jack in the boxes and then he overhears them talking about how he’s not an elf. He’s a human. This

Laci (00:49:19):

Is how they’re cruel. The quote unquote special elves go to the special place where they were tortured where they’re special so they’re tortured by the jack in the box fucking checking. That is cruel. Abelist fucking elves. They don’t know

Matt (00:49:33):

That he’s tortured by it.

Laci (00:49:34):

Then why is it something the other elves don’t do? I guess because anyone can turn a crank.

Matt (00:49:38):

Because they don’t actually need them to do that. I don’t know. I’m glad you’re asking these questions.

Laci (00:49:42):

Oh, they need you to do that. I get a non jackbox. I’m upset.

Matt (00:49:48):

It’s important work. He’s doing quality control. They don’t need

Laci (00:49:51):

To- It’s terrifying him, Matt.

Matt (00:49:53):

Nothing

Christie (00:49:54):

Worse than getting a jack in the box that doesn’t work on Christmas morning.

Laci (00:49:56):

Okay. But it’s like if someone were like, “Oh, Laci, you kind of suck it at your sketches. What if you go watch the ring, every single copy of it makes sure closet bitch exists. I need you to tell me if closet bitch scene isn’t in there.” And I just be like … No, but

Matt (00:50:09):

You’re right about- Why didn’t you

Christie (00:50:11):

Tell me something about the Jack in the Box scene?

AJ (00:50:13):

What’s

Laci (00:50:13):

That? Wait, what?

Christie (00:50:14):

Tell me something about the Jack in the Box scene.

AJ (00:50:17):

Oh yeah, because he told me about this, about how when they filmed it, John Favreau had a remote control. And so Will Ferrell really didn’t know when the Jack in the Box was going to pop off.

Matt (00:50:29):

Oh my God.

Laci (00:50:30):

That’s brilliant because there is a window. There is a window in the song where you could expect it in a few … There’s three seconds where it’s like at any moment. Oh, I love that. Favreau.

Christie (00:50:43):

Yeah. Gosh, darn it. Him.

Matt (00:50:48):

Whatever you got to do to get the performance.

AJ (00:50:50):

Yeah, that’s nice. Performances.

Matt (00:50:54):

Kubrick makes you do 170 takes Favreau, remote control jack.

Laci (00:50:57):

He’s improv everything. Even that fucking jack in the box, improv. I love it.

Matt (00:51:01):

Buddy learns he’s not an elf. He runs home to confront Bob Newhart. Bob Newhart tells him like, “Yeah, your father impregnated a lady in the 60s. Then he left her. H didn’t know that she was pregnant. She gave you up for adoption. She’s dead.”

Laci (00:51:12):

Dead.

Matt (00:51:13):

Here you are. And he’s like, “Oh gosh.”

Laci (00:51:15):

She’s Jenny from fucking Forest Gump. Bitch is dead.

Matt (00:51:20):

Yeah. She engaged in the counterculture. She was against the Vietnam War, so she had to be punished. She had

Laci (00:51:24):

Died.

Matt (00:51:27):

And they show a photo of young James Kahn playing a guitar with the lady and he’s like, “I told Buddy where his father was in a magical land called New York City.” And then Buddy stumbles around the stop motion winter outside.

Laci (00:51:39):

They send him alone. Man child.

Matt (00:51:42):

But they talk him up like, “No, this can be a grand adventure for you, buddy. You can really discover who you truly are and then you won’t have to be here annoying us anymore.” Yeah, we can

Laci (00:51:50):

Finally get our numbers back up.

Matt (00:51:51):

Yeah. I’m definitely being one over to your side, Laci, about the capitalism. Your value is measured by how productive you can be. True. That’s the only way we actually value anybody. And send them

Laci (00:52:02):

Down to the-

AJ (00:52:03):

The animals are nicer to him than the others are.

Laci (00:52:05):

Right.

Matt (00:52:06):

You’re right.

Laci (00:52:06):

You can tell he goes outside and talks to them, right? Where the other elves are too busy. They don’t make friendships with the non-workers who are outside. Then he goes to New York where that’s where the real overachievers live. But no, those achievers are fucking nothing compared to the little sweatshop babies that are at the North Pole who do not sleep, who make, make, make. They are so happy to do it for father daddy fucking Christmas standup fuck. And so when this sweatshop baby goes to New York, all of a sudden now he can. He is pulling up. He can make snowballs so good. He has all these talents because he’s been amazing. When Superman comes to early. Definitely onto something. Yes. He even has a snowman. I mean, he has a Superman drift over from Krypton

Matt (00:52:55):

To- You’re right. This is kind of a Superman story.

Laci (00:52:57):

Yes, because he’s in the garbage. Well, I guess he was. They put him back in the diaper. That’d be funny.

AJ (00:53:06):

I see what you’re saying now because I thought about … We’re going to get to it, but when he goes in that mail room, he mentions, oh, this is like Santa’s workshop. So I could definitely use him with

Laci (00:53:15):

That. Yes. These men could not be more sad. These are the jobs you give to people that’s menial task, but you beef them up, tell them it’s the most important day of the year. You’re working for the most important man and working for all the good people. There’s a list and Santa gets to decide who’s on what list. Who’s going to get the treats? Oh, you better fucking do what I want or you’re ending up in the book.

Matt (00:53:38):

The bad

Laci (00:53:39):

Book.

Matt (00:53:39):

And to both of your points, we contrast the mailroom where everybody’s working their ass off, they’re doing the actual business that happens at the Empire State Building. We contrast that with what James Kahn and his people are doing. They’re just having meetings. They’re hiring

Laci (00:53:50):

Someone

Matt (00:53:51):

Else. They’re just like, “So what are we going to do with the book?” And they’re like, “I think with the book, we’re going to … I don’t know. ” Yeah, they’re not doing anything.

Laci (00:53:57):

Recycle old crap and/or hire a man. Let’s spend more of this company’s money on it. Those men downstairs, they don’t need a fucking Christmas bonus. And in fact, they’re going to get in trouble when they start dancing to Whoop, there it is.

Matt (00:54:10):

Elf is- No,

Christie (00:54:11):

It’s

Matt (00:54:11):

Crazy. Elf is the story of- That’s

Laci (00:54:13):

My first CD. 69 voice. Oop, there it is.

Matt (00:54:21):

So Buddy, he talks to Santa Sana is like, “I got to warn you about New York City. Okay. There’s like 30 Ray’s original pizzas. Only one of them is the original raise. It’s on 11th. Also, your father’s on the naughty list. Oh no.” And then we cut away and see James Kahn for the first time meeting with a nun. And he’s like, “Sorry, we had to repossess your children’s book, sister.” I mean, we’ve all missed payments on our books and gotten them taken away from us.

Laci (00:54:45):

Amen.

Laci (00:54:47):

Children love one copy of 20 copies of the same book.

Matt (00:54:51):

They

Laci (00:54:52):

All get it.

Matt (00:54:53):

Buddy hops on an ice sheet and it just floats away.

Laci (00:54:55):

And because of global warming, it’s just a tiny little rock by the time he gets to the shore. Yeah. Look, I can tell Matt’s face he didn’t even notice that.

Matt (00:55:04):

No, I didn’t. That’s what happens to ice sheets when you float on them long enough.

Laci (00:55:08):

When you go toward the fucking ozone.

Matt (00:55:10):

He’s in the candy cane forest and then he’s just in real world and encounters a raccoon. And eventually he’s just in the Lincoln Tunnel, which is funny. And Will Ferrell actually filmed this in the Lincoln Tunnel with traffic, real traffic going by.

AJ (00:55:22):

Oh shit.

Laci (00:55:25):

I love the first time he gets hit by a cab because he’s so tall. Is that like a small cab because he just falls over so perfectly stiff. Whoa. He falls over like Claymation. It’s so cute.

Matt (00:55:38):

It would be funny if they got a stunt cab. Yeah.

Laci (00:55:40):

Just something to get them just right.

Matt (00:55:42):

And like New York at Christmas time, there’s nothing better than the … Yo get some- You’re

Laci (00:55:48):

This fucking capitalist. Go on Matt. Tells about Wall Street. How pretty is it? Do they decorate the bull? Do they decorate?

Matt (00:55:55):

Yeah, of course you got to decorate the bull.

Laci (00:55:57):

Okay.

Matt (00:55:59):

Well, like Home Alone too. I know. This is just like, oh, that is when New York is New York.

Laci (00:56:04):

It is magical. But

Matt (00:56:05):

It’s

Laci (00:56:05):

Because we’ve all bought into needing lots of bags in our hands and carrying trees in the

Matt (00:56:11):

Background. That’s how you know. That’s how you know. Although most of this movie was filmed in Vancouver, but they did get a few shots of Will Farrell actually in New York. And John Favreau just pulled people on the street aside like, “Hey, you want a few bucks, you can make make money boomed.” You want Will Farrell to talk to you? And they’re like, “Yeah, okay.” And so Will Farrell just went and just yelled at a bunch of people.

Laci (00:56:32):

What about the guys? Hanging out the flyers.

Matt (00:56:34):

Yeah, those

Laci (00:56:35):

Guys. Flyer guys.

Matt (00:56:39):

I don’t know if that Santa guy was someone they found. The guy who’s dressed all in red. I was like, “Santa.” I don’t know. But his dad works at the Empire State Building, so he goes there and James Conn is being told there’s a problem with the children’s book and he’s like, “We’re going to have to reprint two pages.” And he’s like, “No, I’m not fucking taking a bath on $30,000 so kid can know what happened to a freaking puppy and a pigeon.” All they do is

Laci (00:57:03):

They look at the pitches

Matt (00:57:05):

And Buddy shows up dressed like an elf and they’re like, “Oh, it’s a Santagram.” And they go in and James Conn’s like, “Okay, sing to me or whatever. No, get on with it. Go home with it. Come on.

Laci (00:57:16):

” I have so much secondhand embarrassment for when that happens in real life to people, some kind of weird … The gift of a person is fucking strange, right? So the moment he referred to that man as dad, I would have been like, “Nope, going down the hall.” They hang on for so long during that weird interaction. But James Conn, his reaction to it ignormalizes it in a way like, “That was weird.” And he just sits down and it’s like, it’s perfect. Okay. Yeah, that was just weird. We don’t need to call the cops.

Matt (00:57:51):

No, the whole movie is just like, oh, what is this? Fucking Lf or something? Okay. Okay. Come on, come on. Be an L.

Laci (00:57:56):

That’s because New York is weird, these types.

AJ (00:58:01):

He hustling. He doing his job. He’s just an L fucker.

Laci (00:58:03):

Yeah. Every now and you’re going to run into it. And I’m sitting.

Matt (00:58:12):

So they just call security on him and security escorts them out. Wow.

Laci (00:58:15):

Y’all strong.

Matt (00:58:17):

Hey, go back to Gimbels. And Buddy sees Gimbals and it’s the most wondrous Christmas place in the world. He’s like, “I need to go there. Yeah. “

Laci (00:58:24):

And that’s Cedric the entertainer, right? That’s the … No, wait.

Christie (00:58:27):

That is not Cedric- Sorry. I always do this. They’re going

Matt (00:58:30):

To do Faisal Dirty like that. No, that’s Faison Love who’s so far.

Christie (00:58:35):

Y’all know all black people look the same. I know.

Matt (00:58:37):

No, just those two. Just those two. Need

Laci (00:58:40):

To put on different outfits so I can remember.

Matt (00:58:43):

Who’s playing the character of Wanda, which-

Laci (00:58:45):

No, in my head I’m like, “Oh, this guy’s dead. That makes me sad.”

Matt (00:58:48):

Cedric the entertainer’s not dead. You’re thinking of Bernie Mack. Yes, I think

Christie (00:58:52):

Bernie Max.

Matt (00:58:56):

Laci, come on. Rest in peace. Come on now. This is so bad. I remember I was at my cousin’s wedding when we learned Bernie Mac died.

Laci (00:59:04):

None of this is going in the fucking episode right. Oh God.

Matt (00:59:08):

He’s like,

Christie (00:59:09):

Okay, sure.

Matt (00:59:10):

Matt’s like, damn, we just relaunched and everything. Well, there it all goes. Here we go. Let’s come up with another name. Load

Laci (00:59:18):

Bearing racist.

Matt (00:59:20):

Bernie Mac’s death was one where everybody’s like, “Oh fuck, no.” He’s up there with Heath Ledger. He wasn’t that young, but it was still like everybody was like, “Oh no, I didn’t think … “

Laci (00:59:31):

When a comedian dies too, it’s always extra sad because you don’t think, like John Goodman or Will Ferrell, it’s just like a happy person died. Yeah.

Matt (00:59:42):

That can happen.

Laci (00:59:43):

That can happen.

Matt (00:59:44):

All right, Gimbals. Gimbles has been out of business since 1987.

Laci (00:59:47):

I wish I had a time machine.

Matt (00:59:49):

You can go back to Gimbles?

Laci (00:59:50):

No, to before this conversation.

Matt (00:59:52):

Yeah.

Laci (00:59:53):

All

Christie (00:59:53):

Right. Oh, it’s okay, Laci. Forgive you. Thank

Laci (00:59:56):

You, everyone. Take

Christie (00:59:57):

Care everyone. You’re still invited to the pick out.

Matt (01:00:01):

Yeah. Yeah.

Laci (01:00:01):

Those don’t exist. What is his name?

Matt (01:00:06):

Fays on Love.

Laci (01:00:07):

That such a good

Matt (01:00:08):

Name. He’s great. And he’s playing a character named Wanda. The part was written for Wanda Sykes. She dropped out and they’re like, “Eh, just keep the name tag.”

Laci (01:00:15):

I think I knew that.

Christie (01:00:17):

I’m glad that that did not go through.

AJ (01:00:18):

Yeah, because

Christie (01:00:19):

Faye’s not killing-

Laci (01:00:20):

Not a Wanda Sykes. Yeah, because he in an entirely different way is completely buying into the world he’s in. He’s the most buddy thelf like person.

AJ (01:00:35):

Meets buddy and he runs up. He’s got his high water pants on. Yeah.

Christie (01:00:39):

Perfect.

AJ (01:00:40):

You know what I’m

Christie (01:00:40):

Saying? I guess those were her pants too.

AJ (01:00:43):

Shit. We’re paying for more wardrobe.

Matt (01:00:46):

You’re right. He is kind of the buddy of this world because he’s happy to go back and forth with Buddy like, no, it’s not the North Pole or yes it is. But he’s

Laci (01:00:52):

Completely bought into Bendles. He’s completely bought. Gimbels? Yeah. See, I can tell the things wrong. He’s trying to be a

AJ (01:00:59):

Good manager. He’s trying to do his job good.

Laci (01:01:01):

Right. He doesn’t want to get replaced. This isn’t just a Christmas job to him. He’s going to run the fuck out of this toy store. He wants things to go really well. He’s just all in.

Matt (01:01:12):

You’re right. In a contagious way. He is afraid corporate is sending somebody down because when you work for these companies, you’re always being surveilled. Your job is always under siege. You have to fucking take a shower at this job. That’s crazy. Laci’s onto something folks. Fucking

Laci (01:01:28):

Fine. I’m on one.

Matt (01:01:29):

Yes. Okay. The production was going to … Again, Gimbals went out of business in 1987. Gimbles was like Macy’s versus Gimbals, that was the great department store rivalry. The

Laci (01:01:39):

Little bear, right? And they’re known for a stuffed animal. Gimbal’s

Matt (01:01:42):

Fucking- Something. Sure. The production was going to use Macy’s. No,

Laci (01:01:46):

It’s a little fucking weird clown. All right, go on.

Matt (01:01:49):

The production was going to use Macy’s, but Macy’s required … They got script approval and they said you have to delete the scene where Artie Lang is playing Santa. And he says, “I’m not really Santa because Macy’s corporate line is the Santa that we use in our stores is the real Santa.” That’s

Laci (01:02:05):

Disgusting.

Matt (01:02:06):

And so the production said, “That’s okay. We don’t need to use Macy’s.” So they just license the name Gimbals from some guy who owns the Gimbal’s trademark. That’s so

Laci (01:02:15):

Smart.

Matt (01:02:16):

And they just dressed up a department store in Vancouver to be Gimbals.

AJ (01:02:20):

Crazy. That’s crazy.

Matt (01:02:24):

Movie magic. That’s what it’s all about.

Laci (01:02:26):

Yeah. Thank you.

Matt (01:02:28):

He goes … All right. We’re 10 minutes into the movie. Fuck my

Laci (01:02:31):

Life.

Matt (01:02:39):

The meets Faye on love who assumes he works there and he’s like, “Why are you smiling?” He’s like, “Smiling’s my favorite.” He’s like, “Work’s your favorite now. Make work your favorite.”

Laci (01:02:46):

Okay. There

AJ (01:02:47):

You go. Capitalism.

Laci (01:02:49):

So he’s like, okay, yeah. But he loves rules, right? That’s why Buddy’s the best because he’s a new rule. Got it. Work’s my favorite. And workers already his favorite.

Matt (01:03:00):

So Buddy, we meet Zoe De Chanel as Jovi. She works there and Buddy immediately starts harassing her. I mean, in his way. I’m so excited to see another human who has my affinity for Elf culture. And she’s like, “Hey man, leave me alone. I’m just trying to get through the holidays.” And he’s like, “But the holidays are the best.” And yeah, Zoe De Chanel. She’d been in stuff, but this was her first really big role in movies. And what do we all think of Zoe? Zoe Da Chanel in general and here as Jovi.

Christie (01:03:30):

She doesn’t-name. Her name

Matt (01:03:32):

Is Jovi. It’s a bad name. Oh, I

Laci (01:03:34):

Like it

Matt (01:03:34):

Because

Laci (01:03:35):

It’s like Jovial. Oh, I liked it.

Matt (01:03:37):

Hey, Jovi.

Laci (01:03:40):

I thought it was purposely kind of elf-like.

Matt (01:03:44):

It’s

Laci (01:03:44):

Weird.

Matt (01:03:44):

Oh God, that’s a good point. God damn it. I don’t like when Laci makes me like a movie more. You’re right. That’s true. And in the end when she dresses as an elf, that was her destiny to be an elf.

Christie (01:03:54):

I mean, she really went in. That elf outfit was super cute at the end. I loved

Laci (01:03:58):

It. I can tell that you do want to know why. You want to look to the left, Christine.

Christie (01:04:06):

It is cute.

Laci (01:04:09):

The shoes though. I would trip all day long upstairs on those shoes with the … It doesn’t matter. They seem like a hazard.

Matt (01:04:18):

There’s a pretty big age gap. I think there’s 16 years difference between these people, but- But his childlike wonder- His childlike wonder. Jovi’s into childlike stuff, it works for them.

Laci (01:04:30):

She’s disillusioned by her giant apartment in New York City. Again, Matt hates it. Matt hates it when minimum wage workers have the biggest apartments.

Matt (01:04:42):

It’s not even big. It’s just an apartment in Manhattan. It’s

Laci (01:04:45):

Decent. It’s got more than one

Matt (01:04:47):

Room. But she’s like, “Yeah, but my water got turned off.” It’s like, okay, well, move to New Jersey.

Laci (01:04:52):

And wash her hair for 20 minutes.

AJ (01:04:54):

All her money went to everyone.

Matt (01:04:56):

Yes, exactly.

Laci (01:04:57):

Yeah.

Matt (01:04:58):

So I guess like Laci, you’re saying the point of her character, she’s supposed to be disillusioned, but Buddy brings out the magic in her, but that’s not really in the movie.

Laci (01:05:07):

It’s not. I mean, they don’t have enough, they don’t flesh that out. I don’t think they need to. But the way I buy in is that she’s not from there. She’s not a New Yorker. She probably went there for opportunity or whatever, or maybe to be a singer. Who fucking knows? And she probably has a little small townness in her, but she’s used to all the fucking guys trying to grab her tits or whatever happens in New York and he doesn’t want to do that case closed.

Matt (01:05:33):

Okay. So she leaves, the store closes and Buddy decides he’s going to stay behind in the store because he needs to make it more Christmasy. And like we said, this is kind of a Superman tale

Laci (01:05:43):

Because that- It’s not a decision. It is like a moral imperative. He just saw Santa three days ago. He just got here. What fuck is he so excited about? But to him, Santa is God and Santa will not. I mean, that store is already beautiful, but no,

AJ (01:06:00):

No, no, no.

Laci (01:06:03):

It’s not enough. He needs to know I didn’t sleep last night. He can tell when I’m rested and he hates it.

Matt (01:06:10):

But yeah, he’s a mediocre elf at the North Pole, but down here he has fucking superpowers.That’s

Laci (01:06:14):

What

Matt (01:06:14):

I’m saying. There’s a good interview with the production designer, Rusty Smith, where he’s like, he and John Favreau just went through department stores and we’re like, okay, you can make … Everything has to be decorations he could have found in the store to make stuff out of, like cotton from pillows and paper and stuff.

Laci (01:06:30):

And I love all the … Because when you’re a kid and I mean, I made that way into my teenage years are those green and red loops out of construction paper because they have an impact. And so when he discovers the rapping station, I’m just like, yes, now you can do anything with paper and it makes sense. Brilliant.

Matt (01:06:54):

So we meet James Kahn’s family. We meet Mary Steenbergen as his wife. And then this kid, Michael, played by the child actor, Danny Tay, who does a fine job, and I know this is weird to say about a kid, but this kid looks like a scumbag. This kid’s face looks like he’s up to something. I don’t know. I feel like he’s bringing porno magazines to school. He’s building bombs. I always get that vibe from this kid. What is this kid up to? He just

Laci (01:07:21):

Looks Italian, Matt. You’re just fucking racist.

Matt (01:07:25):

I’m Italian, so it’s okay. I mean, I’m a quarter Italian. I’m a quarter Italian. You are Sicilian. Sicilian bias that Sicilian is not Italian. Sicilian is Italian, despite what my grandfather said. But he had old country racism, Sicilians against Italians. It’s complicated. Okay, hold on. I just think it seems like this kid should have been younger. He should have been like six or something.

Laci (01:07:49):

No, this totally works for me. No, it’s so much more impactful because he’s just the right age where he still cares that his dad is not around, but he’s about to crest over. He’s talking video games, talking boy shit with his boys. If you’re going to catch him and he’s not going to need tons of therapy, it’s right now.

Matt (01:08:07):

Okay.

Laci (01:08:07):

Yeah. He needed Buddy.

AJ (01:08:09):

I think I’m glad that- I think that age is good. I wouldn’t want to be too young.

Christie (01:08:14):

No. I think also he would have initially brought into him too immediately, I think. Because even when he interacts with the little girl at the doctor’s office, she doesn’t

Laci (01:08:24):

Like- Exactly. That’s

Matt (01:08:25):

True. That’s true.

Laci (01:08:26):

You need a little resistance.

Matt (01:08:28):

But I’m glad somebody, I’m glad Christie’s here to back me up that he looks like a scumbag. He’s unsettling. Oh, he

Christie (01:08:32):

Does. He has a weird face. I was like, look at his face. I said that at least twice.

Laci (01:08:37):

It’s the little bags under his eyes. He looks like a little old man. He just looks like he’s been up at night graffitiing, but it helps that the first outing they have is him teaching Buddy older guy stuff, but not in a weird way. He’s still talking about it like he’s a teenager who understands girl code. I don’t know. They handle it just right. So it’s not weird that he’s walking around with a 40-year-old man and they’re believable brothers somehow, like really fast.

Matt (01:09:06):

So we’re back at Gimbals. Will Ferrell hear some singing and it’s Zoe De Chanel. She’s taking a shower at work.

Laci (01:09:11):

Washing her hair for 15 minutes in the same exact fucking location.

Matt (01:09:15):

Singing baby, it’s cold outside in that Apple commercial voice of hers that Laci needs.

Laci (01:09:20):

It’s just crooning for women. Everyone can do it.

Matt (01:09:23):

Go ahead.

Laci (01:09:25):

I really can’t stay. Anyone can do

Matt (01:09:30):

It. Laci hates crooners.

Christie (01:09:34):

I was going to tell AJ how I was reading where they were like, “Oh, there was no music until they cast her because of her considerable musical talent.”

Matt (01:09:45):

I mean- No, she is talented. She has a good voice. It’s just the Zoe De Chanel.

Laci (01:09:53):

It

AJ (01:09:53):

Doesn’t sound bad. It’s fine. There’s dynamics to it.

Laci (01:09:59):

Exactly. It is one note.

Matt (01:10:01):

I call her, I said Apple commercial. There’s an aesthetic. We could also call it Starp CD you’d buy at Starbucks. She just has a voice that was in a billion commercials. Okay. Yeah. Pleasant and non-threatening.

Laci (01:10:14):

Pleasant and talk singing. Fun.

Matt (01:10:18):

So she’s singing Baby It’s Cold Outside and then Will Ferrell just joins her in singing it. And then she’s like, “Hey, what the fuck are you doing in the shower pervert?” And he’s like, “I didn’t know. I don’t know. I’m just a dumb baby.”

Laci (01:10:28):

I like that he’s respectfully mortified and covers it because he doesn’t just not know he’s not supposed to be in there. He doesn’t know that in there she’s naked, which is weird because he showers, but he’s like, “Oh, my eyes. Boom, sick.” And then he runs into the lockers. I love it. Yeah,

AJ (01:10:46):

That’s a good point. He does take a shower. I didn’t think about that. Didn’t even cross my mind.

Laci (01:10:53):

But he plays it like showered. Like are elves never nudes? Because maybe we don’t se him from the waist down when he’s in the shower. Maybe he’s in his clothes. I think that’s

Matt (01:11:02):

Right. I think you’re right. His elf

Laci (01:11:04):

Shower.

Matt (01:11:05):

I think you’re right. Yeah. You don’t want to smell the North Pole. Oh my God.

Laci (01:11:09):

Are you making a dick joke?

Matt (01:11:10):

No, just wet clothes all the time.

Laci (01:11:12):

Oh, I thought you meant the north. He did say you

AJ (01:11:14):

Were that costume his whole life.

Matt (01:11:17):

Exactly. That’s right. Never took it off. So it’s later that day, I love that he’s sleeping in the window display and James Conn passes it by. But this is shot. I love that it’s shot in a way that you feel like this is part of a montage where he’s like, “All right, what the fuck is this? ” And then just moves on with his day, but the camera lingers and then Will Ferrell notices him.

Speaker 3 (01:11:37):

Dad.

Laci (01:11:41):

You can just tell Buddy’s dealt with a lot of disappointment. Elves are just taught to take your beatings and keep going. Take your beatings, keep going. Daddy is always daddy and you love him and he’s the very best dad in the whole world.

AJ (01:11:56):

Go to a retriever. It’s like Matt said.

Laci (01:11:58):

Yes.

Matt (01:11:59):

Yes. Everything just continues to support the evidence that like, well, my dad’s the best.

Laci (01:12:05):

Did you see his cashmere coat?

Matt (01:12:07):

Did you see the way he ignored me?

Laci (01:12:09):

It’s

Matt (01:12:10):

Because I’m a fucking worm.

Laci (01:12:11):

He must be baking me into a man probably.

Matt (01:12:14):

So it’s later at work. Zoe Dachnel confronts Buddy about being a pervert and he’s like, “Hey, I don’t know. Yeah, I didn’t know you were naked. Why are you showering at work?” She says, “Well, they shut my water off, so I have to show up for work early.” And then Artie Lang is playing Santa and then Buddy gets mad at him for being an imposter. He pulls in his beard off and they get into an enormous brawl and all the kids cheer. And I love when kids cheer violence. That’s one of my favorite things to

Laci (01:12:39):

Say. Yeah. I’ll never not be upset about how many logo things got … Logo. Lego. Lego things get destroyed though. Buddy just made those. Bothers me.

Matt (01:12:51):

Only extensive use of CGI in the movie is the kids are composited in because they couldn’t have this giant fight with kids present. They’re crashing into Legos and stuff. Some kids are going to get hurt. Big Giant Arty Lang and big Giant Will Ferrell tumbling everywhere.

Laci (01:13:05):

Yeah. Or they’re going to go Lord of the Flies and join in.

AJ (01:13:10):

That actually would be funny because it’s like a fake sentiment.

Matt (01:13:14):

Oh man, that’d have been so much better. Yeah. They’ve been

Laci (01:13:16):

Jumping on. Because in Gingle all the way, I mean, it doesn’t get much bigger than fucking Arm Schwarzenegger. Are you saying that those kids aren’t really there when they’re fighting in the store?

Matt (01:13:24):

Probably not. I don’t know.

Laci (01:13:26):

Different time.

Matt (01:13:27):

Buddy goes to jail, uses his one phone call to call James Kahn comes to get him.

Laci (01:13:32):

I love though that they don’t make a point to make him such a magical elf that he even makes friends here. He doesn’t. He just sits there. That

Christie (01:13:39):

Would’ve been

Laci (01:13:40):

Good. He does not fit in here, but I love the point of whenever … There’s no swaying over a New York cop. They’re just dicks. They’ve seen it all, whatever the fuck it is. All they’ve been doing is being mean to him. So he’s like, “I told you they said so many times you weren’t going to come that you weren’t real. I told the officer.” It’s a nice touch that those cops and they don’t need to be warmed over and see their soft side. We could just move on.

Matt (01:14:08):

It’s probably, he’s actually been in this jail so long that he has exhausted himself and can no longer talk. Maybe. We missed 18 hours of him just harassing all the inmates.

Laci (01:14:17):

Aw.

Matt (01:14:19):

So James Conn confronts him. He’s like, “Hey, how the fuck do you know who my wife is or that lady from the 60s?

Laci (01:14:27):

Ask me who I fucked in college. I don’t know. I don’t know their names. If I saw a picture of them … That was my in between boyfriend time. There’s five guys out when you were fun. No, it wasn’t fun. I was very sad, lonely. I was a serial monogamous looking for my next four year stint. It doesn’t happen overnight. You got to fuck a couple guys.

Matt (01:14:50):

Yeah, no, I understand. Same for me. I think it’s a good idea to get the world’s fastest DNA test from John Favreau because they just need to get this out of the way. No, no, he’s your son. We just pricked his finger and I could tell you.

Christie (01:15:02):

That was

Matt (01:15:03):

Crazy. All doctors have DNA testing labs on site.

Laci (01:15:07):

This guy’s clearly a pediatrician. What is this

Christie (01:15:10):

Off? There was so much crap on the walls of his dad golfing. I was like, this does not sanitize. He’s pediatrician. Right.

Laci (01:15:21):

This has to be a real doctor’s office because this being a set doesn’t make sense. It’s too much.

Matt (01:15:27):

So I think he’s lying. He didn’t do a DNA test. This is like in the show Atlanta when they’re like, “You should have just lied because we don’t actually send your urine off for drug testing. We don’t have the money for that. ” Yeah. He’s like, “He’s probably your son, so I’m just going to tell him he’s your son.” Yeah, he’s your son. He’s your son. And here’s what you got to do. The reason he’s acting crazy is because he’s sort of regressing to a state of childlike wonder. Just bring him to your house, let him see you have a wife, you have a kid, you have a life, and he’ll kind of snap out of it and be normal. And he’s like, “Oh, okay, that makes a lot of sense. All right. I’ll take him home. Take him home to Mary Steenbergen.”

Laci (01:16:03):

Who wouldn’t want to go home to her?

Matt (01:16:05):

No, I know. Who has nothing to do with in this movie.

Laci (01:16:08):

They give her nothing to do. But I always love

Matt (01:16:09):

Her in life. She

AJ (01:16:10):

Was a nicest wife. So

Laci (01:16:12):

Nice.

Christie (01:16:12):

Until he’s like, “You got to babysit.” And she’s like, “Oh, hell no. I ain’t either.”

AJ (01:16:17):

She had a budget meeting in mind. You know what I’m

Laci (01:16:19):

Saying? And I appreciate that she has a job because with the apartment they’re living in, you can just expect it’s because of the dude, but it’s like, no, this is a double income.

Matt (01:16:28):

No, and they’re barely making it. Yeah.

Laci (01:16:30):

Yes, he’s about to get fired.

Matt (01:16:33):

But it’s weird. Every time I watch this movie, I think that when she’s like, “Walter, oh my gosh, it’s so wonderful you have another son.” I always think like, oh, a joke is coming, right? It’s like, “Oh, you piece of fucking shit.” But no, she means it.

AJ (01:16:46):

She means that shit. She’s

Matt (01:16:47):

Super

AJ (01:16:48):

Nice.

Matt (01:16:48):

It’s so wonderful. Oh, great. Yeah.

Laci (01:16:51):

You get a lot of mileage out of the lady being dead.

Matt (01:16:55):

I guess. I knew you were quite a cat in the 60s.

Laci (01:17:00):

One other, with a body count of mat two.

Matt (01:17:03):

Now you know there’s more. There’s more buddies out there. All

Laci (01:17:06):

Right, fine.

Matt (01:17:08):

Buddy pour syrup on everything is funny because he likes sugar and stuff.

Laci (01:17:12):

I can’t believe you skipped all the gum stuff.

Matt (01:17:14):

Yeah, I did on purpose. Oh,

Laci (01:17:15):

Sorry. It’s hard.

Matt (01:17:18):

The gum freaks me out, guys. It’s like I can’t- A phobia. Truly, when he’s eating the gum off the thing, I put a pillow in front of my face and I know the sound cue when it’s safe for me to look again.

Laci (01:17:29):

Like the way I am with the nun movie, tell me when she’s … Just tell me when she’s gone.

Matt (01:17:34):

Yeah.

Laci (01:17:36):

And this

Matt (01:17:36):

Is-

Christie (01:17:37):

We were walking somewhere. I don’t remember where we were. Oh, maybe you remember where there was a wall of gum. It was art in Seattle. Like art. People just put … No, it wasn’t art because it might’ve started out that way. There’s a whole

AJ (01:17:52):

Corridor in one of the areas of Seattle where the entire wall of the building on both sides is covered in gut.

Laci (01:17:59):

Imagine when it rains.

Matt (01:18:01):

I’m never going back to- So

Laci (01:18:02):

It’s sticky.

Matt (01:18:04):

We went to Seattle. I regret it now. I don’t even want to be … I don’t like knowing that I was in the same city as that.

AJ (01:18:10):

Go there next time, the gum wall. Go check it out. Oh! Go leave your- No,

Christie (01:18:15):

It’s even funnier. The people taking pictures up against the gum wall.

Laci (01:18:20):

Oh, this is like saying there’s a roach wall for me. That’s how bad this is for Matt. It truly is opiate. It’s getting

Matt (01:18:27):

Worse. As I age, it’s not like it’s improving.

Laci (01:18:30):

Because you’re not working on yourself.

Matt (01:18:32):

I need to work on myself. You’re right. Let’s talk about the gum.

Laci (01:18:34):

You

Matt (01:18:35):

Should. Okay. Again, I think the remnants of the darker script are in the interactions with the family. I think Mary Steenberg could be way more normal and human about this situation. I think that James Khan can be way, way more annoyed with him. I think that it could have been, like I said, what about Bob? He could have been, what’s his name? Richard Dreyfuss in that movie. Does anybody else not understand how insane this is, how insane this guy is?

Laci (01:19:03):

Only one of them could have been this. Otherwise, you don’t have a movie. One of them has to be the steam … I mean, it’s nice that they’re all kind of nice, but you need at least one overly sweet woman. And what about Bob?

Matt (01:19:16):

But James Kahn’s approach is like, he’s too annoyed to be annoyed. Or he’s too checked out of his life to be annoyed by this elf bullshit. Too distracted. He’s

Laci (01:19:26):

Just about logistics. I got to get to work tomorrow. How are we handling

Matt (01:19:29):

This?

Laci (01:19:30):

I don’t want the house to be destroyed. How are we handling that?

Matt (01:19:33):

His brother Michael is a little embarrassed by him because Buddy chases him after school like, “Michael, I love you. You’re my brother and I love you. Did you enjoy peeing your pants last night? No.” Michael has not warmed up to him, but he will warm up very fast because these Central Park punks just start hurling snowballs at them. These

Laci (01:19:52):

Grown men. These grown men, totally not on the production team of this movie. These are huge adults that are throwing those balls from the bridge.

Matt (01:20:02):

Just a billion snowballs. But then Will Ferrell unleashes his talent for making and deploying snowballs. This wins his brother’s affection. And I think, again, you can see the edge of your movie here. I think like a PG-13 movie, this would’ve been a little more violent, especially when Will Ferrell thurls the snowball across the park at the kid and knocks him down, which is hilarious.

Laci (01:20:21):

We need pink snowballs.

Matt (01:20:23):

Yeah. We need to just see a little bit of blood.

Laci (01:20:25):

Pink with blood.

Matt (01:20:27):

So they go to Gimbals because Buddy wants to show his brother how much fun he is, unlike their dad. He’s like, “Isn’t our dad the best dad in the world?” And Michael’s like, “No, our dad sucks. He never wants to do anything fun. No, just dreadful.” And they say this as they’re just jumping up and down on the elevator. And then they go and they see Jovi and Laci said, “Yeah, he’s kind of like Casey Affleck in American Pie. He’s like giving him the book that tells you how to perform Conolingus on a woman. That’s kind of what he’s doing here. This is what you do. You ask her out on a date you say you want to go eat food. You want to go eat food with me. ” And then you’re in and it works. It works. He asks Jovi out on a date and it works.

Laci (01:21:08):

Well, it’s nice for a man to be the manic pixie dream man for what, right? Because usually it’s Zoe DeChanelle who would be the one that’s like, “Windsey and mister calling up stuff, fixed your life.”

Matt (01:21:20):

That’s true. That’s true. It

Laci (01:21:21):

Flips it.

Matt (01:21:23):

It’s true. And this was the first … Yeah, they didn’t know that about her yet. Instead, she is the one who’s warmed one over by like, “Oh, he loves Christmas trees and revolving doors. Ooh.”

Laci (01:21:33):

We can blame this movie for releasing it in her. This bitch is singing at the end of the movie in public for the news.

AJ (01:21:41):

Yeah.

Matt (01:21:41):

We

AJ (01:21:41):

Even got her on the cuts. I mean, damn.

Laci (01:21:44):

Do they? She

Matt (01:21:45):

Does. What song is it?

Laci (01:21:46):

Oh, see, this is the joy of streaming

AJ (01:21:47):

Movies. It sounded like her then on the credits there. It sounded like-

Laci (01:21:51):

I don’t even hear the credits when we rent the movie because the screen

Matt (01:21:55):

Shrinks.

Laci (01:21:56):

Straight to the next movie.

Matt (01:21:57):

Do you want to watch Stranger Things season five? This isn’t Netflix.

Laci (01:22:01):

Right. Oh, I watch it on Max.

Matt (01:22:05):

The thing with James Conn … Yeah, you’re welcome. The thing with James Con at work is he needs to get a new book. They need a new book proposal out by Christmas Eve. Apparently the way this works is you have in- house authors. I don’t know. I honestly would like to watch a movie about the world of children’s book publishing. I feel like that could be a dark comedy that I’d like to see.

Laci (01:22:25):

I’ve always wanted to work for something like a shoebox, like greeting cards, the edgy greeting cards. I think I can make a lot of edgy greeting cards.That’s what it reminds me of. You’re just saying sentences all day.

Matt (01:22:40):

And he takes Buddy to work because Mary Steenbergen has a budget meeting, so she’s not taking him to work. So he goes to work. They dress him in normal clothes. He’s trying to act like a real person, but he’s annoying his dad too much. So his dad’s like, “Hey, I want you to go down to the mail room.”

Laci (01:22:56):

That’s fun to say. Francisco.

AJ (01:22:57):

Francisco.

Matt (01:23:00):

And he sees the mail room. This is an enormous operation and employs hundreds and hundreds of people for the entire Empire State Building. This is where the actual work in this building is happening. I also would love a movie just about this mail room. I love mail rooms.

Laci (01:23:13):

Matt loves a mail room.

Matt (01:23:15):

I just think mail is neat. Numatic tubes, come on.

Laci (01:23:19):

Oh, get me a pneumatic tube. I’ll watch a whole movie about that. Go into the bank, put it up the sucky thing.

Matt (01:23:25):

Fucking

Laci (01:23:25):

Love a tube. Love it tube.

Matt (01:23:28):

So James Conn is meeting with Andy Richter and Kyle Gass. Kyle Gass is the other guy, Intenacious D. The guy who Jack Black permanently severed ties with when he made the same joke about Donald Trump that every single person in America made.

Laci (01:23:43):

Wait, wait, because Jack Black loves Donald Trump?

Matt (01:23:46):

No, Jack Black’s got his eye on the … Jack Black, the Tenacious D, he ended Tenacious D severed his ties with Kyle Gass because when Donald Trump, the attempted assassination of Donald Trump happened, Kyle Gass made a milk bar two inches or whatever. Made the joke that everybody made. And Jack Black was like, “I am appalled. This is not what I stand for. ” And yeah, no more. Jack Black’s got his eyes on the prize on the bag.

Laci (01:24:11):

Because he knows he’s a litle sleeper. But he makes movies a hit and he’s kind of been under the radar in a way because he’s like kid movie magic.

Matt (01:24:23):

He really is.

Laci (01:24:24):

He’s Black Magic.

Matt (01:24:26):

Jack

Laci (01:24:26):

Black.

Matt (01:24:27):

Yeah. Like Minecraft, that movie was enormous.

Laci (01:24:30):

I still won’t see it. I

AJ (01:24:31):

Watched it and we took the kids to watch that and I got to admit, he made me laugh a few times with Minecraft. I am even going to lie.

Laci (01:24:38):

See, I like him. I love Minecraft too much to go watch the Minecraft movie, but I do love Jack Black too. I’m starting to feel a little weird about him now that you’ve told me this, but that’s okay.

Matt (01:24:49):

But I mean, you don’t have to like the people to enjoy their work.

Laci (01:24:51):

I like liking people.

Matt (01:24:52):

Yeah.

AJ (01:24:54):

Makes it better.

Laci (01:24:55):

I think so.

Matt (01:24:56):

So I love that their big idea is let’s bring in Miles Finch. And James Conn’s like, “So let me tell you, you’re my two top writers, you come in, your pitch to me is, let’s bring in somebody from the outside.”

AJ (01:25:07):

I like it.

Matt (01:25:10):

They call up Miles Finch. We just hear his voice. “I’ll give you five hours tomorrow, not a minute more.” That’s my Peter Dinkler’s impression is just Dr. Evil.

Laci (01:25:18):

Yeah, you’re lucky it’s not a mini me impression. Oh my God, Matt, you’re getting close.

Matt (01:25:23):

S500 to receive me at the airport. I need the interior of that car to be 71 degrees, exactly. And they’re like, “Oh, we got to cut this phone call short because your son is leading a dance party down in the mail room. Whoop, there it is. ” Yep. Just having a lot of fun down there.

AJ (01:25:40):

They was getting it down there.

Matt (01:25:41):

That mail

Christie (01:25:41):

Room scene.

AJ (01:25:42):

They were turning all the way up.

Christie (01:25:44):

He goes to the guy who’s like, “How’d you get here?” He’s like, “Work release.” He goes, “Hmm.”

Matt (01:25:52):

I love when they get drunk together and they’re just laughing.

Laci (01:25:55):

He’s laughing. No one listens to me. Has he not been served

AJ (01:25:58):

In the coffee?

Matt (01:25:58):

Yeah,

Laci (01:26:00):

Right. I love him. He’s

Matt (01:26:01):

Like, “My dad’s 490 years old and the other guy’s just laughing. I’m 490.” And then Will Farrell’s laughing too. And

Christie (01:26:06):

Then

Laci (01:26:06):

Tickle Pi.

Matt (01:26:07):

Yeah. And this guy wants to do it.

Christie (01:26:09):

Yeah, he does. I love it. When he goes, “I’m 26 years old.”

Laci (01:26:17):

And Wild’s totally … Yeah, you are. You are 26. And Will Farrell’s 30 in this movie.

Christie (01:26:24):

Yeah.

Matt (01:26:25):

So Miles Finch arrives and guys, the joke is he’s a little person. Can you believe it?

(01:26:31):

I mean, this is almost everybody’s introduction to Peter Dinklage at the time that we did the same year he had a movie called The Station Agent, a great movie that I think is the first time he broke out as a dramatic actor, but still eight years before Game of Thrones. But I think when Game of Thrones started, they’re like, “Oh, that’s the guy from Elf.” And I know that he’s very game for this because the joke is just like, “Hey, you’re a little person and they think he thinks you’re an elf. Isn’t that funny?” But they have the right approach is like, “Well, no, you’re going to play this as high status and no nonsense and you are not going to play this as a joke whatsoever.” And it’s all the funnier because of it.

Christie (01:27:13):

Yeah.

AJ (01:27:13):

It’s super fun.

Matt (01:27:15):

And they start-

Laci (01:27:16):

Look at you, which I still stay to anyone that’s smaller than me and open my arms.

Matt (01:27:27):

I love that they start pitching him their stories. Andy Richter is like, “Okay, it’s a tomato that lives on a farm. No tomatoes, too vulnerable.”

AJ (01:27:35):

I like, when he said the asparagus one, he’s like, “What about asparagus who are … ” What are you saying? The smell of their pea, and then he’s like …

Matt (01:27:47):

Yeah, just

AJ (01:27:48):

With him. Hilarious.

Matt (01:27:52):

And then, of course, he’s like, “I’ve got five or six genius ideas here in this book. I’m very excited.” And then when they finally

Laci (01:27:57):

Read it- When he puts his … I’m sorry, this just stays in my mind the way he puts his hand down on the book. I’m sorry. It’s just one of those visual ticks of mine that I’m like, “He’s going to do it. He did it. “

Matt (01:28:08):

And then of course the joke is when we find out what the ideas are, they’re the exact same ideas that Danny Richter and Kyle Gass had. But then Will Ferrell comes in, he’s like, “Oh, it’s an elf like me. ” And he’s like, “Yeah, it’s very funny.” I imagine, I guess Peter Dinklage in real life probably has to shut down people this way too, and then he loses it and jumps on him and it’s hilarious. And this is where- He’s angry off.

AJ (01:28:37):

And he was like, “I’ve got a house in LA and whatever, whatever. And each house has a 70 inch plasma screen

Matt (01:28:46):

TV.” For 2003, that was a big deal.

AJ (01:28:49):

Hell yeah. Plasma,

Matt (01:28:51):

Come on. We’re still calling him plasma. There’s plasma screen TV. Plasma. I was looking up, is this based on anybody? No, it doesn’t appear to be. Who was the titans of children’s books at the time? I don’t know. Just a creation for this movie. But this is where James Kahn kicks Buddy out of his lie, “Get out of my life forever. I don’t care that you’re my son. I want you gone.” Sad.

Laci (01:29:16):

So sad. But at least there are people in the room that are like, “That was me. ” They

Christie (01:29:23):

Were.

AJ (01:29:23):

They were all like, “Damn.”

Laci (01:29:28):

It doesn’t last for very long though. I know the movie has to have the arc, but I’m glad it’s brief.

Matt (01:29:36):

So Will Ferrell goes to their house, leaves a note on their edge of sketch like, “I’m sorry, I’m out of your lives forever.” And he puts his elf clothes back on-

Laci (01:29:44):

And then goes to kill himself? What the fuck?

Matt (01:29:47):

I watched this movie twice in two days to prepare for this. The second time is when I noticed, wait a minute, he’s on that bridge to jump off and die.

Laci (01:29:54):

Yeah, he doesn’t fit in here. He doesn’t fit in anywhere anywhere.

Matt (01:29:58):

Yeah.

Laci (01:29:58):

That’s fucking great. Him.

Matt (01:30:00):

But that’s also what happens in It’s a Wonderful Life. Gus, I’m going to go kill myself on this prayer.

Laci (01:30:05):

I guess I’m not going to fix myself as a human. I guess I’m just the worst guy in the world.

Matt (01:30:09):

Oh, but you get it. When you watch It’s Wonderful Life, you’ll see.

Laci (01:30:11):

All right.

Matt (01:30:12):

No choice.

Laci (01:30:13):

Big fucking promises.

Matt (01:30:14):

I’m more death than alive. It’s Christmas Eve, so they’re having the big pitch meeting and then Michael, who has found the anchor sketch note, barges into his dad’s office and he’s like, “Dad, buddy’s gone. We got to go save him.” And he’s like, “Hey, Pal, get out of my office.” No,

Laci (01:30:30):

He doesn’t.

Matt (01:30:31):

Oh, the

Laci (01:30:31):

Boss guy. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Matt (01:30:32):

No, no. James Kahn says like, “Hey, we’ll deal with this afterward.” And he’s like, “No, you always say that you don’t care about your family.” And James Kon is just like, “You’re right. Hey, boss, fuck you. “

Laci (01:30:42):

First, the boss tells him to leave. The boss tells him to leave. And James Khan actually stands up for his son, “You don’t tell my kid what to do. You don’t talk to my kid.”

Matt (01:30:51):

Yeah. I think the sort of queen’s brawler comes out of him like, “Oh, no, no, no, you don’t talk to my kid. No, no, no. You talk to me. You do not talk to my kid.” Yeah, that’s what sets him

Laci (01:31:01):

Off. The kid’s like, “I knew you were in the mafia, dad.

AJ (01:31:06):

Yes.” The kid was like, “Up yours. Eat your pizza.” And James Conn’s like, “Hey, all right, come come.” This is

Matt (01:31:13):

My son. So again, I think I really love the movie, but I feel like the last 15 minutes are kind of a drag, but I know everybody disagrees with me. It’s the

Laci (01:31:23):

Slowest part of the movie, but it has to

Matt (01:31:25):

End

Laci (01:31:26):

Somehow.

Matt (01:31:26):

No, but it feels like the story of the movie is over, but we haven’t aten up enough time. So what can we do now? Okay. Santa shows up and his sleigh is malfunctioning so Buddy has to help fix it, but they deploy the Central Park horse riders of the apocalypse and okay, the news crew is gathering around. There’s not enough Christmas spirit. We ain’t Christmas spirit to get up. Okay. Everybody’s sing.

Laci (01:31:48):

It’s just

Matt (01:31:49):

Too

Laci (01:31:49):

Much

Matt (01:31:49):

Shit going

Laci (01:31:49):

On. Was that Mike from fucking Veep? Yeah. Anyway, who’s telling the reporter that she’s got a nice mouth or whatever.

Matt (01:31:57):

I just love the reporter who’s just reporting Christmas Santa and Central Park. Oh,

Laci (01:32:06):

I guess really jerked me off, huh, Jerry?

Matt (01:32:08):

This is so

Laci (01:32:09):

Fucking stupid.

Matt (01:32:10):

But then they cut back to the New York one anchor who is condescending like she just came in from Buffalo. I don’t know what they think news is up in Buffalo, but here in the city we only take the hard hitting stuff like this amateur footage of a Sasquatch from Central Park that just came in of an elf and yeah, he’s posed just like the Bigfoot pictures. Oh,

Laci (01:32:29):

So everyone

Matt (01:32:29):

Knows

Laci (01:32:29):

Reporters get to pick the story they cover.

Matt (01:32:32):

Right. So yeah, Buddy reunites with Santa and he’s like, “There’s no Christmas spirit. The darn thing won’t fly anymore. Can you help me fix it? ” Okay. And then James Conn and the little boy meet up with him and like, “Oh, Santa’s real. You were telling the truth, buddy. There is a Santa Claus and everything. Wow. Okay. Got to fix this thing. Got to get people’s Christmas spirits up.” But the kid asks Santa, asks Ed Asner Claws like, “Well, can’t we just put you in front of a TV crew and be like, I’m Santa. I’m really Santa.” And he’s like, “No, no, no. It doesn’t work that way.” But the kid’s like, I’m- Well,

Laci (01:33:08):

It’s like Jesus. You got to do a couple of miracles that people hear about. The word spreads, then it’s faith. But with Santa, it’s like, yeah, you can see me these guys, but not too many yous can see me. No visual. No visual proof.

Matt (01:33:22):

We

Laci (01:33:23):

Got to

AJ (01:33:23):

Make them

Matt (01:33:23):

Believe it. It’s too easy if I have to show up.

Laci (01:33:26):

They got to hear a rumor.

Matt (01:33:27):

Yeah, but Michael’s still like, “Okay, well I’m going to go get a TV crew though.”

Laci (01:33:30):

Yeah, I don’t give a fuck. I’m already on the nice list. I already got my goddamn skateboard. It’s jokes on you, Santa. I’m going to break your rule.

Matt (01:33:36):

And the way he convinces people that Santa Israel is like, I know what everybody wants for Christmas because that’s the actual Christmas spirit is acquiring stuff that you want. Yep.

Laci (01:33:45):

And brand name stuff. You didn’t want just any skateboard. You wanted a real huff board. And you didn’t just want any engagement ring. You wanted a ring from Tiffany’s. It’s all about the consuming.

Matt (01:33:57):

Makes me sick. But it’s not doing enough. So Zoe De Chanel has to get on the horse carriage and start singing.

Laci (01:34:07):

Okay. But let’s really- Let’s really break that down. Did that do fucking anything? That did nothing. I mean, a whole slay came after. I think that would have done it just I guess the singing made sure that the children and Buddy weren’t decapitated because it made the sleigh lift just in time.

Matt (01:34:24):

Just

Laci (01:34:25):

Another. When dad started singing.

Matt (01:34:26):

Yes.

Laci (01:34:27):

All right,

Matt (01:34:27):

Fine. But she’s singing the song that only has one verse and one chorus. So they just repeat it over and over and over again. It’s a song

Laci (01:34:34):

That never ends. It just goes on.

Matt (01:34:39):

And it works. But like Laci said, it’s when James Khan finally gives in and starts singing and James Kahn actually does have a good singing voice. He was in a musical with Barbara Streisand in the 70s. Yeah,

AJ (01:34:50):

The mom

Matt (01:34:51):

Was,

AJ (01:34:52):

She could not sing at

Christie (01:34:53):

All. She couldn’t get shit.

Laci (01:34:57):

I love hearing normal people sing though. Yes, I agree. It makes me feel really superior. I agree. It’s just like when I see an orphan get one present and I get five, I feel super superior.

Matt (01:35:07):

And the Christmas slay takes off. Everybody’s happy. Everything’s good. All right, great. Rangers.

Christie (01:35:17):

The Central Park Rangers.

Matt (01:35:20):

And the

Christie (01:35:21):

Best part of

Matt (01:35:21):

It. Bob Newhart’s the best part of the movie. Bob Newhart’s narration comes back, he’s like, “So that’s how we saved Christmas, I think that’s how we saved Christmas.” And James Conn is playing piano for real because he’s a talented musician and Zoe DeChanel’s. And now we see how happy and successful everybody has become. And as we all know, success in this world is a success in business. He started his own publishing line. Now he is an entrepreneur. Exploiting, he is appropriating Buddy’s story and commodifying it. Your life story we shall now mass produce into a package for children. Can you actually buy the Elf book? I’m sure you could. But

Laci (01:36:00):

He like calls his shot too, right? Because then you have Buddy doing a reading at Bindals or again, Bulls, whatever the fuck his name is. And there’s like a big giant cardboard cut out of him. The kids are wearing elf hats. It’s like this movie is going to create so much fucking merch. I’m so goddamn excited. And it did. Yeah. Yo called it and it happened.

Matt (01:36:21):

Right.

Laci (01:36:21):

Way to go, Favreau.

Matt (01:36:23):

No, that’s why he’s right at home at Disney. That does where his destiny belonged.

Christie (01:36:27):

They do have an illustrated version of the book available to purchase. The

Laci (01:36:31):

One that you see in the movie though, does it look like that? Is

Christie (01:36:35):

Similar? I don’t know what the inside looks like.

Matt (01:36:38):

If not, that was a terrible mistake. You should be able to just buy … Buddy and Jovi are now married. They have a baby of their own. She’s dressed as an elf and they sit on Bob Newhart’s lap and that’s the end of the movie.

Christie (01:36:52):

Papa.

Matt (01:36:53):

That’s that.

Christie (01:36:55):

Papa. I love an epilogue.

Laci (01:37:00):

I do too. I do too. I’m a sucker for one.

AJ (01:37:02):

Yeah. Christie likes full closure. I feel like this is.

Christie (01:37:05):

Yeah,

Laci (01:37:06):

I do. I don’t want to know that they just had a nice night. I want to know that their life is good. Yes.

Christie (01:37:12):

I want to know the details.

Laci (01:37:14):

There’s so many movies where it would be impossible to have an epilogue.

Christie (01:37:18):

We were watching, what was it? The Crimson Peak movie and it just kind of ends and then AJ’s like, “Well, what happens? Do they get married?” You like an epilogue too. Yeah.

AJ (01:37:28):

I agree.

Matt (01:37:31):

I’m the total of this. He’s against it. He’s against it. And the best part about old movies, if you watch a movie from the 30s, 40s, 50s, basically through the 70s, movies just ended. It’s like, all right, story over, that’s that. Because you can just fill it in your head.What happened to them? Did Faizon Love get to keep his job at Gimbles or did corporate replace him? We need to know.

AJ (01:37:54):

Well, he was dancing at the end of that part. Maybe he got to keep his job.

Christie (01:37:57):

I love that part. What did he say when he was like- He’s like, “Come on, “

AJ (01:38:01):

Or something like

Christie (01:38:01):

That. Come on y’all or something.

Matt (01:38:05):

I like all the cutaways to little kids in their bedrooms on Christmas Eve watching some news.

Christie (01:38:09):

Watching the

Laci (01:38:09):

Tube TV of your news. Oh,

Christie (01:38:11):

That’s so good. And the little girl, she’s like, “Thank you, bud.”

AJ (01:38:17):

The little kid, I forgot he said he won it, but he’s like, “Yes.”

Christie (01:38:20):

Or the little black kid. Yeah.

Matt (01:38:23):

But again, all that any of this means is that, yeah, I get the present I want. This is not a movie where it’s like, no, Christmas spirit is actually just about being together.

Laci (01:38:35):

No, this is a movie about people being at work at a bar and alone in their room as a child.

Matt (01:38:40):

God, you’re right. None of it is

Laci (01:38:42):

About

Matt (01:38:42):

Family. You’re right. Yes. The most sincere I will get is that I think the important thing about life is just having connections with people and being together and having … That’s the only thing that actually has- You did connected

Laci (01:38:54):

Work, all right? Shut up.

Matt (01:38:56):

And the reason people feel so melancholy about Christmas is because that’s when we are supposed to do it. It’s when we are supposed to … It’s basically when we invite more socialism into our capitalist lives and then we know it’s going to end and also it just doesn’t measure up to the idea we have in our head. That’s why Christmas is sad. But this movie, it has a point of view, which is like, no, the consumer’s Christmas is good actually.

Laci (01:39:16):

Because at least you get your stuff.

Matt (01:39:18):

Right, exactly.

Laci (01:39:19):

You have that forever.

Matt (01:39:37):

So final thoughts and star ratings. Let’s go with AJ Elf Superfan first. What are your final thoughts? What are your star ratings out of five for Elf? Out

AJ (01:39:45):

Of five?

Matt (01:39:47):

Out of five. Me

AJ (01:39:47):

Personally, I like everything about the movie. I think it’s, for me, it’s a Christmas classic. This is the movie that I watch every Christmas. I always put this movie

Matt (01:39:56):

On.

AJ (01:39:56):

It still makes me laugh. I’ve seen it probably about 20 something times since it came out. So for me, I’m going a four out of five.

Christie (01:40:06):

Four out of five? That’s

AJ (01:40:09):

High.This shit’s really good to me.

Matt (01:40:12):

Well, I give it four out of five and I thought I was being too low.

Laci (01:40:15):

I also gave it four out of five. I thought I was being too low. I’m

Christie (01:40:19):

Not a super fan of this movie. Yeah, almost at four and a half.

AJ (01:40:22):

Almost like four and a half.

Christie (01:40:23):

Top tier Christmas movie for me is Polar Express. On Lord, Christie. I love that movie so much. And she ain’t playing

AJ (01:40:34):

No games

Christie (01:40:34):

On.

AJ (01:40:35):

I’m talking about during December, it’s once a night. Polar Express at least once.

Matt (01:40:38):

Once a night. My God.

Christie (01:40:40):

Wow.

Matt (01:40:41):

Do you sing the hot chocolate song?

Christie (01:40:43):

Every time. What about the- Well, not every time, but because sometimes I’m like, Laci, I just put it on and just let it play. So those times I don’t sing it. But when I’m actually paying attention, I definitely sing it. I almost have it on my Christmas playlist.

Matt (01:40:56):

You just got to see those little goblin children in the terrible motion capture.

Christie (01:41:01):

Well, yeah the animation that they do is not good at all. I was watching it recently and I was like, why do their eyes look like they’re blind?

Matt (01:41:12):

Tom Hanks is playing children. He did the motion capture for many of the children in that movie.

Laci (01:41:17):

Well, they just didn’t have a budget for it. Are they already paying him a lot?

Matt (01:41:20):

No, they had a budget. Robert Zemeckis is his like John Favreau. He’s like, “I want to play with cinematic toys. I want to see what I can do with the technology. Tom Hanks can play a child.”

AJ (01:41:29):

I’m one of those odd people. I actually like the super weird animation that’s like that. When they did that shit and they did Beo Wolf and they did those movies, I actually kind of strangely like- But

Laci (01:41:39):

You like it before it turned into something good? You mean?

AJ (01:41:44):

You

Laci (01:41:44):

Like the early technology.

AJ (01:41:45):

Yeah.

Laci (01:41:47):

Okay. Well, if you go watch Toy Story one, it is insane how much better it got, even just that.

Matt (01:41:56):

No, but there is charm. I mean, I spend most of this podcast talking about how shitty CGI is, but the older you get and the further away you get from it, you’re like, “Ah, it’s charming.” It’s

AJ (01:42:06):

Got some nostalgia to it.

Laci (01:42:08):

Yeah. And we watched Cabin in the Woods a little while ago. And so at the end, every monster is released out of those elevators and because you’re so used to seeing CGI monsters, they still all read as monsters because you’re like, “No, that’s what it looks like in the movies.” And it does feel like, aw, look at you being a ghost. Yeah.

Matt (01:42:29):

You’re my ghost.

Christie (01:42:29):

But I would’ve given this movie three and a half out of five. I think it’s okay, y’all. I think y’all stretching that off on nostalgia a litle bit. Oh,

Laci (01:42:37):

For sure. I think so, for sure. I think so.

Matt (01:42:41):

Okay, fine. I’m three and a half because I talked to- Oh, what the

Laci (01:42:44):

Fuck, Christie?

Matt (01:42:45):

I was going to bump it up to four because of Laci talked me into it, but I haven’t-

Laci (01:42:50):

I still did that. I still did that.

Matt (01:42:51):

I have no nostalgia for this movie, but I do think the cast is outstanding and this feels like a ’90s movie in the best way, in the way where every single role is played by somebody you recognize. They just fill out the cast with comedians and improvisers and I love the way it looks. I think Favreau is very good at directing comedy. Everybody’s on the right wavelength and I love the way it looks. I just think the script kind of has a lot of threads that aren’t developed anywhere enough and then it feels like the movie has nowhere to go in the third act. But love everyone. Love Will Ferrell. Love James Kahn and okay, four stars out of five.

Laci (01:43:32):

So editational.

Matt (01:43:34):

She’s charming too. I

Laci (01:43:38):

Didn’t hear any women come out of your mouth. So Mary Steamberg and take a big steam and dump out.

Matt (01:43:42):

I love Mary Steenbergen, but she has nothing to do with this movie. Yeah,

Laci (01:43:45):

You’re right. You’re right.

Matt (01:43:46):

Everybody see Melvin and Howard, her Oscar winning performance. Oh,

Laci (01:43:49):

Okay. I’ll go see that.

Matt (01:43:51):

Yeah. Laci, what about you?

Laci (01:43:52):

I’m on my way. I said four.

Matt (01:43:54):

Okay.

Laci (01:43:54):

And it’s still four.

Matt (01:43:56):

Four. All right.

Laci (01:43:57):

Yes.

Matt (01:43:58):

In Love with Horror is the name of the show that Christie and AJ, our lovely guests do. Tell everybody what you guys do, where they can find you, et cetera.

AJ (01:44:10):

No. What? You made me do a lot of

Laci (01:44:12):

Jobs.

AJ (01:44:13):

You do

Laci (01:44:13):

This every time. You do

AJ (01:44:15):

It

Laci (01:44:15):

So

AJ (01:44:16):

Well. I do not.

Matt (01:44:17):

I’ll take it from here. I’ll take it from … Okay. So in love with horror. They do horror news, horror movie reviews, horror game, horror live streams where they give all the latest news about horror, TV, movies, et cetera.

Laci (01:44:33):

They go to comms.

Matt (01:44:34):

They’re lovely people and I find it very useful because there’s always shit happening in horror and I can’t keep up. But they help me stay on top of everything. A lot.

Christie (01:44:42):

I appreciate that, Matt. Yeah. Wait, what the fuck? I really like talking about other movies other than horror movies sometimes. So this was cool.

AJ (01:44:50):

Yeah, this was … I agree. It was really cool to be. I’ll talk about something outside of horror.

Laci (01:44:53):

Well, we always enjoy you so you can definitely come back and talk about any old sappy shit you want. The anti-horror.

Matt (01:45:06):

December, is there anything in horror happening in December 2020? The TV show is really big right now. Is there anything else going on?

Christie (01:45:15):

Well, I don’t guess you count this as horror. Frida Nights at Friday’s two comes out in December.

Laci (01:45:20):

I didn’t see the first one.

Christie (01:45:22):

I think that’s it, honestly.

AJ (01:45:23):

Yeah, I think that is the last big release for horror.

Laci (01:45:28):

I feel like, yeah, I guess they blow their load earlier in the year.

Matt (01:45:32):

Yeah. Well, all right. Well, let’s end here then. Everybody name your favorite Christmas horror movie.

Laci (01:45:37):

Wasn’t there only one?

Matt (01:45:38):

Oh, there’s a lot.

Laci (01:45:40):

I guess scrooged.

Matt (01:45:41):

Is that horror?

Laci (01:45:42):

I’d say it’s horrific. It’s good to shout.

Christie (01:45:45):

You know what? I just watched that recently and that is horrifying.

Laci (01:45:48):

I thought so

Christie (01:45:49):

Too. That was crazy. Also, that movie does not … That doesn’t stand up as far as the stuff that happens in that movie. Oh

Laci (01:45:58):

No, it does not. It’s boring. I used to love that movie and I watch it and I’m like, this is not … I watched it with Matt. I’m like, “Oh, I remember this being good.” Yeah. I just remember it actually scaring me though. And we shouldn’t.

Matt (01:46:13):

I love the original Black Christmas. That’s just one of my favorite horror movies, period, but I think it’s just also such a cozy movie. Just Christmas vibes. Yeah. You’re out of control in that movie.

Laci (01:46:24):

I can’t think of any. I mean, I didn’t really love … I don’t have an answer.

Matt (01:46:31):

Okay.

Laci (01:46:31):

Okay. I’d have to … Can I answer Thanksgiving?

Matt (01:46:34):

Sure.

Laci (01:46:35):

Okay.

Matt (01:46:35):

Yeah, that counts. Thanksgiving. You won’t or survive Thanksgiving. Those ends are … And that’s that. Thank you guys so much for being on the show. We love talking to y’all. Yeah.

AJ (01:46:47):

Thank you all so much. This is super dope.

Matt (01:46:48):

We love this. Everybody check out in love with horror. The links, all the links you need are in the description. Follow them wherever they are. If you’re already following them, unfollow them and refollow them. Give them a review on iTunes. Buy their merch. You know what to do. You know what

Laci (01:47:02):

To

Matt (01:47:02):

Do. Thanks guys. Merry Christmas. We love y’all.

Laci (01:47:05):

Bye guys.