Twilight (2008)

Matt (00:00:20):

Welcome to Load Bearing Beams, and happy Valentine’s Day, everybody. Valentine’s Day. Very important day for Laci and I. Well, let me introduce it. I’m Matt Stokes. I’m alongside my sparkly shimmery boyfriend who is

Laci (00:00:33):

Laci Roth. I am boyfriend. That’s

Matt (00:00:35):

Right.

Laci (00:00:36):

And Mary,

Matt (00:00:36):

You would stand by my bed for months before we knew each other, watching me sleep,

Laci (00:00:42):

Tying your shoelaces together,

Matt (00:00:44):

But in a nice way. It was. Okay.

Laci (00:00:46):

Your boners were adorable. Little human boners. Yes,

Matt (00:00:50):

They You

Laci (00:00:50):

Amuse me.

Matt (00:00:51):

You got to love when you find out somebody’s been watching you sleep for months. The things fucking crazy. The things they heard

Laci (00:00:56):

Farting. Yeah, constant farting. Okay, but Bella sleeps like the sexiest teenager you’ve ever, she could be painted by a person. What?

Matt (00:01:06):

She could be painted like a person.

Laci (00:01:07):

You know what I mean?

Matt (00:01:08):

Let’s bring in our esteemed guest because we’re finally doing it. We’re finally tackling the big one. We’re finally tackling the Twilight Saga, and we have a pair of excellent, excellent guests from the Fix and Fixation podcast. We have Courtney and Rose. Hello. Welcome to the show.

Laci (00:01:23):

I need my soundboard. Hey guys. Hey. Hey.

Matt (00:01:26):

Thanks for us. Yes. We put together this mega crossover for this occasion, Valentine’s Day, to talk about the greatest love story of our time. I think so. Twilight. Yeah. For those who don’t know Fiction Fixation, please, please tell everybody.

Rose (00:01:39):

Well guys, hello. So our podcast is Fiction Fixation, and basically every episode we do a full recap of a different movie.

Laci (00:01:47):

I feel I’ve watched it, your podcast. You don’t have to watch the movie to listen to the episodes. I want you to know that I’ve listened to a bunch of episodes where I’ve never

Courtney (00:01:57):

No, it’s full of. Don’t take us too seriously. It’s full of dark humor. We’re millennials, so we apologize for that in life in general. But yeah, it’s full of dark humor. We like to say that we’re delightfully unsophisticated like

Laci (00:02:17):

Hooters.

Matt (00:02:18):

You did the Brendan Frazier mommy movie, a k the greatest movie ever made. What else? How do you choose what you’re going to cover? What

Laci (00:02:26):

Going

Courtney (00:02:26):

To cover Courtney? It’s very eclectic, so it is actually very scientific. It’s whatever the fuck I feel like doing. So sometimes I’ll start watching a movie and I’ll be like, Hey, I think this will be great. I’m going to do this. So then I’ll start it and it’ll be like 10 minutes in and I’m like, fucking boring. No. So it’s whatever we’ve kind of vibed with at the time. Our episode that we just recorded last week was a psychological thriller because we were spiraling.

Rose (00:02:58):

Yeah. We were in a dark mental space and we said, we want to go deeper. Can

Laci (00:03:03):

You tell us what it is that’s

Rose (00:03:04):

Really, yes, it was Alice Darling. Oh,

Courtney (00:03:11):

Do you know that? No.

Speaker 5 (00:03:12):

No, I don’t. We don’t know.

Courtney (00:03:13):

Oh, it’s Anna Kendrick. It’s about an abusive relationship where her boyfriend is really subtly abusing her emotionally and mentally, and she’s a nervous wreck. Yeah. It really highlights a lot of ways that covert narcissist get away with

Laci (00:03:34):

Shit. Yes. It sounds like my first marriage. I’m going to watch it. Okay, we’ll bleep. Why are we bleeping that first marriages suck unless you get it right first time

Matt (00:03:42):

All first marriages, not this specific one.

Laci (00:03:44):

Well, if you marry when you’re 25 or younger, I think they usually fail.

Matt (00:03:48):

Not if you’re Stephanie Meyer who married at 21 to a man who were, which she

Laci (00:03:52):

Was four. She met him when she was four. That’s cheating. Look, wow. A lot of Lords just dropped. Basically. He’s Edward.

Matt (00:04:01):

No, he’s Jacob and she’s Esme.

Laci (00:04:04):

Don’t make me confused. Wait. But that’s what we can’t figure out is how much older he is than her. We just know they’ve known each other since they were four. But the way it was worded is he’s known her since

Matt (00:04:14):

She was four. Four. Yes. And his age is, I did a lot of Googling of Mr. Christian Meyer, AKA poncho, and I can’t find his age

Laci (00:04:22):

Then. That’s on purpose. That is a lot of money going into scrubbing the fuck out of the fact that they had a very weird Edward Bell.

Courtney (00:04:28):

You know what? Challenge accepted. I will find his age.

Matt (00:04:31):

Okay, good. Okay, good. Yeah, but I did a lot of Googling. I googled once and scrolled, scrolled. Scrolled. Okay. Can’t find it.

Laci (00:04:38):

Okay.

Matt (00:04:38):

But I did look at pictures of him. How old would we say he is? I didn’t,

Laci (00:04:41):

He the worst person

Matt (00:04:42):

To figure didn’t, I didn’t want to get into weird skull shaped science. Right.

Rose (00:04:46):

Okay. Watch him be like 200 years old.

Matt (00:04:49):

Yeah.

Laci (00:04:50):

Maybe

Rose (00:04:51):

Lucky is a vampire. That’s

Laci (00:04:52):

What I’m, yes. That’s Matt’s theory. It’s this entire story is a way of making her feel okay about her problematic relationship.

Matt (00:04:59):

Well, I mean, who says it’s problematic? I don’t know. It works for them.

Laci (00:05:04):

Okay.

Courtney (00:05:05):

The only time a large age gap is acceptable is one of them is immortal.

Laci (00:05:09):

I think so. Yeah. I mean, he can’t help it.

Courtney (00:05:11):

It’s nice. He can’t

Laci (00:05:12):

Help it. Yeah,

Matt (00:05:13):

He can’t help it. I feel like that’s the thing that’s an underexplored thing in this series is

Laci (00:05:18):

He can’t help it. Oh no, I’m dying now.

Matt (00:05:20):

I mean, none of the cultural references are going to be the same. How do you relate to somebody who’s a hundred years younger than you, but

Laci (00:05:25):

Also why do you want to a 17-year-old? They’re the most boring ever.

Matt (00:05:29):

He should be dating like a 70-year-old something.

Courtney (00:05:32):

Listen, no, 17 year olds are not the most boring because everything is tragic in the end of the world. Everything is so deep when you’re 16 and 17, even 18. Nothing is boring ever because everything is such a big deal.

Matt (00:05:46):

But the older I get, the less time I have for any of that shit. Exactly. If I was 117 years old, I’d just have no time for any of that nonsense.

Laci (00:05:54):

I would be completely annoyed.

Courtney (00:05:55):

Well, that’s why they’re not allowed to make immortal children because the immortal children, they don’t learn and develop emotionally. So Edward is actually mentally stuck

Speaker 6 (00:06:08):

At 17. That’s

Rose (00:06:10):

So if Bella stays mortal, there’s going to be a point in time where she’s going to be like, oh my God, this guy is so immature. Yes.

Matt (00:06:17):

Okay. Exactly. There we go. It’s all okay. It’s good.

Laci (00:06:21):

I will try to remember my point about what, if it’s coming. We’ve got a big point coming, but I have this feeling where I say everything before we even fucking start the podcast, so I’m not going to do it.

Matt (00:06:31):

Alright. I’m

Laci (00:06:32):

Not going to do it.

Matt (00:06:33):

Well, I want to get to everybody’s history with Twilight, but first I want to plug our Patreon. We have Patreon, patreon.com/ load-bearing beams, and coming up next week we have our big 150th episode, spectacular, where we’re finally

Speaker 5 (00:06:46):

Not on Patreon.

Matt (00:06:47):

Twilight’s one of the big ones. The other big one is Spice World. We’re finally covering Spice World now for our bonus episode on Patreon coming out February, you can hear Laci and I talk about the Spice Girls 1997 VHS cassette, one Hour of Girl Power.

Laci (00:07:01):

Fuck yes. I’m going to orgasm. That sounds

Matt (00:07:03):

Great. We are going to be maybe doing a commentary or maybe just thoroughly discussing and dissecting, let’s

Laci (00:07:07):

Do both.

Matt (00:07:07):

Patreon.com/load bearing beams.

Laci (00:07:09):

Okay.

Matt (00:07:10):

Okay. And now all of our histories with the Twilight.

Laci (00:07:13):

So glad you have this photo here.

Matt (00:07:16):

I think I’m probably the newest convert to Twilight of all of us.

Laci (00:07:23):

You’re gendering us. I’m just saying you’re making some assumptions.

Matt (00:07:27):

I am making some assumptions. How long has everybody been a fan of Twilight?

Rose (00:07:31):

I started reading the books, I don’t know how long they had been out, but I was 17 when I read the first book. I was 20.

Matt (00:07:38):

Well, what year are we talking about?

Rose (00:07:41):

Oh gosh, I don’t even like 2003.

Courtney (00:07:44):

I read them in 2007. Right when the movies, the first movie came out, my friend’s like, you have to read these. And yeah,

Laci (00:07:55):

I did the same thing,

Speaker 6 (00:07:56):

So

Laci (00:07:56):

I was correct.

Matt (00:07:57):

Then

Courtney (00:07:58):

Midnight Premieres Baby, midnight premieres all of them.

Matt (00:08:02):

Okay, well, I’ll go first because again, I’m the newest convert. Laci. Laci was the only Laci and I have been together for about 15 years. It is the only thing she gets nerdy about is Twilight. And so I knew she had this big thing that I’d never experienced. The Twilight Zaga. I had a very, that’s not for me, that’s lady stuff.

(00:08:21):

Finally, in 2018, we had been doing Load Bearing Beams for about a year, and we talked about doing Twilight and always we set our goals too high and we’re like, we’ll read all the books and watch all the movies and have one probably 45 minute episode talking about all of it. And so I get started, I read the first book. I think this is really poorly written and really annoying, but then I watch the first movie and 10 minutes in I’m like, oh wait, this is funny. Not funny like a comedy, but this movie knows what it is. And I think the first movie made me realize this is all operatic and over the top, and that lets me kind of get into the tone of what all of this is trying to do. So

Laci (00:09:00):

It is the essence of a 17-year-old.

Matt (00:09:02):

Well, so I watched all the movies. I think the movies are really fun. I think they’re a lot better than the books, but I have some, I’ve read all the books too, and I have a lot of affection for all of it. So that’s my history. Who wants to go next?

Courtney (00:09:17):

I read all the books and then I had to wait for Breaking Dawn to come out, and I actually went to a midnight release party for the Breaking Dawn book. And this is a highlight of my life, and it sounds terrible now as a 30 5-year-old to be saying this, but I’m not ashamed of it. I was 18 or 19 at the time, and I whipped this shit out of some 12-year-old little girl who thought she was going to beat me at Twilight Trivia. Fuck that little bitch. That sounds

Laci (00:09:53):

Right.

Courtney (00:09:54):

So

Rose (00:09:55):

Physically or mentally right. Did you mentally her

Courtney (00:10:00):

In Twilight? I beat her in the trivia game. Gotcha.

Rose (00:10:03):

You see,

Courtney (00:10:04):

Context

Rose (00:10:04):

Is important when you’re confessing to a crime.

Courtney (00:10:08):

I went to all of the midnight premieres. I had a Team Edward shirt for the first one, and then, no, sorry. We had Cullin baseball jerseys the first one.

Matt (00:10:16):

That’s great.

Courtney (00:10:18):

And then I had a Team Edward shirt made for the Breaking Dawn part two release. And yeah, I obsessed. I used to have the posters in my first apartment. My husband and I had posters. They were mine. He just allowed them to exist.

Matt (00:10:39):

I went to so many book, well, basically every Harry Potter book you

Laci (00:10:42):

Already did yours.

Matt (00:10:42):

I went to the book release and I battled. I physically battled a smaller child just to get a copy. When Barnes and Noble ran out of the fifth book, me and my friends went to the Kmart across the street and there was another kid running to get the one copy. I just, well, I did. I mean, I sped walked and got ahead of him and got it by the seventh Harry Potter book, I realized we can just download the audiobook from iTunes at midnight, and that’s what we did. It wasn’t as fun. It wasn’t as magical.

Courtney (00:11:11):

I also went at midnight to get my copy of the seventh Harry Potter book, and then I stayed awake for 36 hours reading it.

Matt (00:11:18):

My girlfriend at the time did that so she could get ahead of me and I really resented it.

Laci (00:11:22):

Oh, do you know that both of them are authors as well? That’s how they bonded over.

Matt (00:11:28):

I did know that.

Laci (00:11:29):

You did know that. Now you know it twice.

Matt (00:11:31):

Yeah.

Laci (00:11:31):

Since you brought Harry Potter. I did want to have fun with my dyslexic confusion in that I know that fan fiction is associated with Twilight, so I always forget what the, I think, okay, so Twilight is fan fiction of 50 Shades of Great and No

Courtney (00:11:52):

Other way around.

Laci (00:11:53):

I know. And then I’ll go, wait, no, Twilight is fan fiction, Harry Potter. Those three things are connected for me and I do not know why. It’s a weird sandwich and I don’t always know where to put the cheese and the meat and the bread.

Matt (00:12:04):

Well, watching the first Twilight movie and reading the first Twilight Book, it really clicked for me. Of course, 50 Shades of Gray.

Laci (00:12:11):

You have to

Matt (00:12:12):

Did this. This is just the story of a woman who wants to get domed. So 50 Shades of Gray is just let’s make the subtext text. Let’s make you not have to do any of the work to see what’s really going on.

Laci (00:12:22):

It’s also Harry Potter.

Matt (00:12:23):

Also Harry Potter. Yes. If you know how to read

Courtney (00:12:26):

It. I never heard that. Never heard. Who wants to get Domed? Did Harry Potter? Oh

Laci (00:12:30):

No, I just like to say that

Matt (00:12:31):

I was kidding. Snake and Mcgon.

Courtney (00:12:33):

Okay,

Laci (00:12:33):

Snake.

Courtney (00:12:34):

That’s, and

Laci (00:12:35):

I watch

Matt (00:12:35):

Never Please D Me.

Laci (00:12:38):

You just want to do that fucking accent.

Courtney (00:12:40):

I’d let them both dob me at the same time.

Matt (00:12:43):

Absolutely. My God.

Laci (00:12:44):

The Snape train.

Courtney (00:12:47):

Oh

Rose (00:12:47):

Lord.

Matt (00:12:48):

Okay. Rose, what’s your history with Twilight?

Rose (00:12:51):

Oh, I thought I had said, I mean, I read it when I was really young, but I did want to add that I think I was 17 when I read Twilight and I felt seen. Yes, me

Laci (00:13:05):

Too

Rose (00:13:05):

Felt seen. And so it’s interesting when people say the book is not very well written, and you can get into the technicalities and the story devices and all these things, but ultimately Stephanie Myers communicated the story effectively enough for it to resonate with the demographic that it needed to. So yeah, it hit for me at 17. I was like, oh my God, this is exactly how I feel.

Laci (00:13:28):

Especially the second book. The second book, people give that one shit and they don’t want to watch the movie, but it’s like, no, that one is the one that makes everything else pay off. And it’s probably the only one that’s really relatable to actual people who don’t have a vampire that is in love with you. That kind of hurting is reserved for teenagers who don’t have a lot of mobility yet. You’re just this thing and you think you have an identity and then it goes away and you think you figured out the rest of your life and you’re like, oh, that doesn’t actually happen that way when you’re this young. But you think it does idea of I’m going to meet my true love now. As soon as I started having crushes, I always thought it was possible I’d meet the one. And there’s something about that book that’s like, yes.

Matt (00:14:14):

Yeah, I think she’s a very, very bad writer.

Speaker 6 (00:14:19):

And

Matt (00:14:19):

Yes, obviously I’ve read it at age 30, so I’m like, boy, cut it out with the adverbs lady. But even looking past that, you do get to something very essential about how devastating it feels makes you ill to fall in love with somebody when you’re that age. She really captured something

Laci (00:14:37):

And then you and I weren’t able to be together when we fell in love until it was okay to be together. So that was a special circle circumstance. There was a treaty we had to get. He was Edward to the right President in Power, but I’m saying when there’s something to stop it and when it’s so new, I don’t know, she just perfectly encapsulated that. So my history, I’m not a reader. I’m dyslexic, but someone gave me the big fat book and I was like, all right, I’ll open that EW book smell. And then I read it and I couldn’t get enough of it. And all of them were already in existence. So I read all of them and it was a big deal for me. Carried the book around and was like, I hope someone asked me about it. Anyway, I’m reading things now and then the movies came out and of course I was a little bit, it took the movies a little while to feel like the books. I was so intimately world building in my head what these people look like. And I remember Rosalie being particularly a let down. She just in the book is this goddess, and then she’s just a typical blonde in the movie. But anyway, pretty much everyone else lived up to my thinking of it.

(00:15:49):

And then the movies became more important to me. I just find them a big a release. I can’t explain and I didn’t know I was a nerd.

Courtney (00:15:58):

They’re my comfort movie.

Matt (00:16:00):

Well, that’s what I wanted to ask you two about, because I know Laci likes the movies being book readers first. How did you feel about the movies when they came out and do you feel differently now?

Rose (00:16:10):

No, I always feel like the books are just a different experience. And I talk about this all the time. They’re obviously two different mediums and it’s impossible to feel like yes, perfect. Exactly. No, no. You’re always just kind of like, oh, I wish they had done more of this or done more of that. But overall, I remember enjoying the movie. I didn’t have any huge issues with it.

Laci (00:16:34):

I also didn’t understand about wigs yet. If I’d known they were all wearing wigs, I think I could have gotten past a lot of the distraction of these beautiful things that all look, I’m like, why do they have such bad hairlines? Is that a vampire thing and a forks thing? And then I understood, I think you guys told me about the wigs when we did the live together, and that was the first time I understood,

Courtney (00:16:54):

I think that when the movies first came out, I still have this tendency is to where I like my trash,

(00:17:01):

Just leave me with my garbage and I’ll be happy. And I still have that for things that are really nostalgic. So these movies came out and I’m just eating it up and I’m like, yes. Oh my God, it’s amazing. Now, as an adult, it is comforting. It’s my comfort movie. I put it on in the background when I need something to make me feel better or I need noise. But now as an adult, I’ve been able to really separate to where the book is. The book in the movie is the movie, and it’s more like a based off the book, not an interpretation of the book.

Matt (00:17:43):

It’s funny though, learning about the production of the movie, and when I read all the books and watched all the movies, they really, really emphasize this has to be super faithful to the books. And I can’t think of a book to movie adaptation for a franchise that’s closer than this. It’s very close. That literally just takes what’s in the book and picks it, puts it on screen.

Laci (00:18:04):

I can hear the words in my head and they’re not totally aligned with the script, but I don’t know. I can feel the book at the same time. I just do want to just make sure the audience understands. I did go to Forks Washington. I did get a high school Forks shirt. I still have it. A can’t Fit in it from the actual high school. They sell ’em to strangers. We did go to the cafe or the diner that’s there, and they do have a salad bar that features goldfish instead of croutons.

Matt (00:18:32):

That’s right.

Laci (00:18:33):

It was amazing.

Matt (00:18:34):

But this is where I discovered this was pretty early in Laci and I’s relationship about a year in, and Laci had mentioned she liked Twilight, but once we go through forks and she nerds out, I’m like, oh, this is way more Well,

Laci (00:18:44):

The places are in the places

Matt (00:18:45):

Important to you than I realized.

Laci (00:18:47):

I think I didn’t realize it either. I should have taken that cut out with me though.

Rose (00:18:52):

No, I was going to say it is a very faithful adaptation, and yet it serves the movie because sometimes when movies try to stick too strictly to the books, they’re doing it to pander to the fans and then it just doesn’t work for anybody else. And I felt like if it worked really well for the movie, ultimately, and I think this is important for anyone who is watching Twilight, it’s camp. This movie is camp. And what I mean by that is that it takes itself so endearingly serious and that’s what makes it unintentionally funny. As Matt mentioned, it is just kind of funny, but in a very endearing way. Like wow, they’re very serious about this.

Matt (00:19:29):

Oh, see, I don’t think it’s unintentionally funny. I think it knows the level it’s pitched at, and there’s really legitimately funny moments, especially with the other high schoolers and with Billy Bur as Charlie, who I just think is so wonderful in all of these movies and is so key to making you understand what kind of story you’re watching. And he’s just like the dad off to the sides. There’s some vampire shit or whatever going on. I don’t know.

Laci (00:19:53):

But it’s exactly what Courtney was saying with that. These years of your life, everything is so turned up and so important. You’re living your milestones. You’ve heard nothing but what you’re going to experience as a teenager, especially your senior year in high school, that it’s like, God damnit, if all these moments are ruined and you’re going to fall in love and then you feel it infatuation, they’re new feelings and it’s just you feel like the first person to have ever. It’s like when you have an orgasm on accident and you’re like, oh, I’ve never had one before until just now. Everybody should have one of the, anyway, that’s all it is in this book captures it that way and doesn’t just capture it brings you back there. I feel like a school girl when I read the shit and that’s how the movie feels. I’m like, oh,

Courtney (00:20:44):

If they could find a way to bottle teenage angst,

Laci (00:20:50):

Jet fuel,

Courtney (00:20:52):

I would literally bathe in that shit.

Laci (00:20:54):

I shouldn’t say oil, the essential oil angst.

Courtney (00:20:59):

Honestly, I missed the way everything was so urgent

Speaker 5 (00:21:06):

When

Courtney (00:21:06):

I was 16 and 17. I miss that now at 35. I’m just like, okay, we live in a depressive shithole society. Why do I care? I’m

Laci (00:21:23):

Too aware.

Courtney (00:21:25):

I’m too aware of things now. I want to go back to being ignorant and having everything in my life, being the center of my life and being that oblivious.

Matt (00:21:39):

Any person though can only actually handle feeling like a teenager for the amount of time that you’re a teenager. It’s just too much.

Courtney (00:21:44):

It’s too much.

Matt (00:21:45):

You have to grow out of it because it’s just too much for anyone to feel.

Courtney (00:21:50):

No, see, I raw dogged my teenage years with no Lexapro. I have Lexapro now.

Laci (00:21:54):

That’s true. I did too. I think I can handle it. Yeah, they’re right. Oh man. Me without depression and teenager, that could be a whole fucking new thing, so Right. I didn’t get on, not until my dad died did I get on the LAN antidepressants. Well,

Matt (00:22:07):

Let me ask one more question before we get to the history. This movie is, well, do you guys have a favorite movie in the series? Do you think of them as individual movies or are they all just one piece?

Rose (00:22:18):

I think the first one might be my favorite. I feel like it’s the most atmospheric and really poignant. I think

Courtney (00:22:28):

Eclipse is my favorite.

Laci (00:22:30):

I’m not good with the names of the That’s the third one. The third, okay. I think. Okay, so the fourth one is the one with the body where she’s pregnant the whole fucking time. That’s

Matt (00:22:39):

The one where she’s on a honeymoon for 90 minutes and they’re on Wait,

Laci (00:22:41):

But which one is when they fuck the third or the fourth?

Matt (00:22:43):

The fourth.

Laci (00:22:44):

And that’s my favorite. That’s the worst

Matt (00:22:46):

One though.

Rose (00:22:47):

That is

Matt (00:22:48):

Objectively the worst one. I just love that. That is, we’re making two movies out of this shit. Don’t shut up. We have to make two movies. It doesn’t matter. If nothing happens,

Laci (00:22:56):

Then I’d probably go 1, 3, 4, 2. I don’t know. Two has a special place, but it is a different mood.

Matt (00:23:05):

I think that the first one is my favorite. It’s the one with the most personality. I think Katherine Hardwick, because I watched her movie 13 and then watched this and I saw how much she brings and how different this movie looks than the others and how different it feels. And then I read a lot of things that suggested that some in entertainment said, Hey, let’s cut that shit out. This needs to be more normal.

Laci (00:23:24):

Right. Well, they definitely, oh, no. Yes, and they definitely made

Matt (00:23:28):

Edward, they made Robert Patson tone it down. Right.

Laci (00:23:31):

Because all of his weird shit was intentional.

Matt (00:23:33):

Hey, can you be more boring from now on?

Laci (00:23:36):

Unless,

Matt (00:23:37):

Yeah. And I think that’s a shame. What makes this movie so special?

Laci (00:23:40):

I loved how weird and jumpy and kind of awkward, but hot. I know. I’m hot. It’s meant to lower you.

Matt (00:23:46):

Yeah,

Laci (00:23:47):

I’m

Courtney (00:23:47):

Hot. My body, he acts like, okay, listen, this is going to sound terrible for the analogy, but I think we’re all going to vibe with it. Edward and Twilight, the movies acts like Elon Musk.

Laci (00:24:02):

Okay.

Courtney (00:24:05):

His mannerisms the way he kind of is awkward in talking.

Laci (00:24:08):

Well, he’s on the spectrum.

Courtney (00:24:11):

I’m Edward. He’s

Laci (00:24:14):

Throwing Storm Me now

Matt (00:24:15):

Throwing, he can’t place the accent.

Laci (00:24:18):

Right, the accent because he’s a British actor doing American, but he’s 140 years old. So you’re like, is this on purpose? I’m not tracking. He’s Madonna. Just a muddled.

Courtney (00:24:28):

It is weird. And it’s like, oh, did you just arrive on Earth?

Laci (00:24:33):

Right.

Courtney (00:24:33):

Is this the first time you’ve interacted with somebody because it fucking looks weird. They

Matt (00:24:37):

Both play it as if they’re aliens.

Laci (00:24:39):

Yes. And it is the first watch that is the description where I feel like Bella is on the spectrum. I mean, there’s tons of loner stuff and liking that her dad is quiet. He’s quiet too. He seems it. And I mean that in a loving way. They definitely read autism.

Matt (00:24:54):

Yeah, absolutely. Read it. And I’m sure Stephanie Meyer did not intend that, but you can certainly read it that way.

Rose (00:24:59):

I think it’s more in the performance. It’s just how they chose to perform it. I don’t think it read like that in the book at all.

Laci (00:25:05):

No, Uhuh.

Rose (00:25:05):

I don’t think it read. So

Laci (00:25:07):

She just seemed lonely in the book. Not uncomfortable.

Matt (00:25:09):

There’s just nothing on the page to play. She has,

Laci (00:25:12):

They don’t say, her only

Matt (00:25:13):

Personality trait is she’s clumsy. Right.

Laci (00:25:15):

And she cracks odd joke.

Rose (00:25:20):

Well, and people make fun of how twitchy Kristen Stewart played this character, as if that wasn’t all of us at 16, 17.

Laci (00:25:30):

I did not really. Yes. Sorry.

Rose (00:25:32):

I try to have a conversation with my 17-year-old nephew and literally I feel like I’m talking to Kristen Stewart. Teenagers are just so awkward.

Matt (00:25:40):

They’re weird. Yeah.

Rose (00:25:41):

When you’re talking to adults,

Matt (00:25:43):

I know. No, she gets it just right. And the best thing by far about this series is they got basically the two best actors of their generation somehow,

Laci (00:25:52):

Who actually had a relationship, which is always my favorite when that happens.

Matt (00:26:22):

The history of Twilight

Courtney (00:26:23):

D us with the history, Matt,

Matt (00:26:25):

Jesus. So this,

Courtney (00:26:26):

It’s

Laci (00:26:26):

A

Matt (00:26:28):

Story starts of course in 1826.

Laci (00:26:30):

Oh, you’re taking us all over the fuck back.

Matt (00:26:33):

Okay. We are in Western New York, and a popular activity in the area is called glass Looking. And in this a wealthy benefactors finances a small expedition, we go out looking for treasure in the hills of Western New York. And this is of course a grift, but one of the more prominent grifters of these treasure hunters. At the time, a 20-year-old man who we’re looking at on the screen gets arrested in Bainbridge, New York and is accused of being a disorderly person and a fraudster. But this was just the beginning of a long and storied career for this young man, Joseph Smith, who claims to have received his first vision from heavenly Messengers at age 14 in Western New York would go on to locate golden plates buried in the hills from which he transcribed and composed the Book of Mormon. Why does this have to do with Mormonism? The book of Mormonism, which of course tells the story of the early Israelites who left Jerusalem to move to America around the year 600 bc.

(00:27:29):

And then Smith then took his followers, they left out to find a new Jerusalem somewhere in America, eventually ending up in Missouri where Joseph Smith dies. And then his followers under the leadership of Brigham Young, eventually immigrate to Utah. They settle permanently. They joyfully celebrate their polygamy. The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is founded Blossoms today has more than 17 million adherence. And it is into this church that on Christmas Eve of 1973, Stephanie Morgan is born into a large Mormon family. And at the age of 21, she marries Christian Meyer and becomes known as the thing. We all know her now as Stephanie Meyer.

Laci (00:28:06):

Okay. Wait, that’s all you had to say was she was Mormon. Yeah, he was definitely 50. And she, okay, I can say that. I can say it if I want. Come

Matt (00:28:12):

At me. Yeah. You understand the reason I said it is funny.

Laci (00:28:15):

Okay. No, that’s amazing. Yes.

Matt (00:28:17):

And there is a great article that I will link to in the description. I’ve always known this theory that Twilight is about the story of the founding of the Mormon church. And I was always like, I don’t see it, but I read this article that really opened my eyes to it. Basically this guy, John Granger, he’s like, Carlisle Cullen is Joseph Smith, and this is about a son of Joseph Smith having,

Laci (00:28:41):

What are you doing right now?

Matt (00:28:41):

Having a romance with some girl who they then convert to Mormonism and apparently

Laci (00:28:47):

You can even see, and once you break the seal, that girl’s no good, you got to seal her back up or Yeah, the virginity stuff just makes much more.

Matt (00:28:56):

Sure.

Laci (00:28:57):

Well, I mean, I always knew it was religious, but damn it, it’s the seal of freshness. I say if you seal that shit up, you need to let it breathe.

Matt (00:29:06):

No, I’ve always known, obviously this is a conservative Christian story, and that’s okay. It’s okay to conservative art, often conservative art is very interesting. But I didn’t know about the Mormon specifics.

Laci (00:29:20):

I’m saying that adds a little bit of darkness to it for me, because I went through the whole WW JD bracelet thing, and then the idea of a promise ring. I mean, there’s always that wave of we’re going to be virgins until we get married. Shit, that happens at some point during high school. So I know these teens,

Courtney (00:29:43):

If we’re going off of this sort of narrative, okay, I’m sticking with Matt’s sort of timeline here with his ideology on this. If that is the case, does that mean that the vegetarian vampires like vampires are Christians and then vegetarian vampires are Mormons?

Matt (00:30:03):

You got it. Exactly right. Yes. That is exactly the case. And in this, yes, and the vori are the evil Catholic church.

Laci (00:30:10):

Yes. That makes sense.

Matt (00:30:12):

And I don’t know what the werewolves would be because then the’s a thing in

Laci (00:30:15):

Pagans

Matt (00:30:17):

In Mormonism, native Americans are important to Mormonism because the idea is that they are the descendants of the ancient

Laci (00:30:24):

Israelite. So Jewish people are to

Matt (00:30:26):

Christians in Twilight. There are actual Native Americans. So I don’t know how that, anyway, this author says, this series ends when they bring this South American indigenous vampire who represents proof that vampires and humans can breeded or whatever. And the guy says, this is a Mormon fantasy that we will get proof that Native Americans are descended genetically from ancient Israelites. And that was the one that really kind creeped me out. Bella here is like a modern American woman who realizes I can find happiness in the Mormon church. I can get married young, have a lot of hot sex, and live my happy life with a very big extended family

Rose (00:31:07):

And live

Laci (00:31:08):

My eternity.

Rose (00:31:10):

I didn’t, so I knew the Mormon touches, but I thought they all had to do with celibacy and all of that. But that actually the whole vegetarian vampires being Mormons. Yeah, that’s interesting.

Matt (00:31:26):

And you see the Cullins, they don’t talk to any of the other kids at school. They only hang out with each other, which is very much, I mean, a lot of religions do that, but Mormons, you could see them. They have the Mormon table at school.

Laci (00:31:41):

Right? Well, and they always talk about it as though to not, but to get close to any of these people are to accidentally make relationships with somebody that you might have to eventually explain why you disappear after four years or whatever it is. But getting close to anyone, it won’t work. Then you’d have to tell your secret

Speaker 6 (00:32:02):

Or

Laci (00:32:03):

Really hurt that person. Excuse me. Hot train. I can’t take this. Who’s the person in the middle?

Matt (00:32:08):

Stephanie Meyer.

Laci (00:32:09):

Get out of here looking good, Steph.

Matt (00:32:11):

My attitude,

Laci (00:32:12):

She pretty, yeah.

Matt (00:32:14):

Well, the previous screen

Laci (00:32:15):

That doesn’t look like her, she’s at the bar is her

Matt (00:32:17):

Appearance in the first movie sitting at the bar of diner

Laci (00:32:20):

Typing.

Matt (00:32:21):

She’s writing her next hit novel, the host. Probably my attitude towards Stephanie Meyer without really knowing anything all about her is like, oh, she’s some conservative crank. But I’ve read a lot of interviews with her recently and listened to some, and I got to say, I kind of like her.

Laci (00:32:36):

Okay,

Matt (00:32:37):

So this is, sorry guys. There’s going to be me reading a bunch of quotes.

Laci (00:32:41):

Let me just say though, she loves a person with an angular long face. Look at this group. They’re like Easter Island over here. Those are some long faces. They’re hot.

Courtney (00:32:50):

She bones could all cut through stone.

Laci (00:32:52):

Look at that.

Courtney (00:32:53):

I’ve never seen Stephanie Meyer look more hot than she does in this picture.

Matt (00:32:57):

Yeah, know.

Courtney (00:32:58):

Gorgeous.

Matt (00:32:58):

Yeah. The hotness is rubbing off on her. No, she’s a good looking woman. There

Rose (00:33:04):

We go. Looking woman.

Laci (00:33:06):

Whoa. Real peace.

Rose (00:33:06):

Whoa. Matt, what happened there?

Laci (00:33:08):

He hit puberty sweating.

Rose (00:33:10):

This

Matt (00:33:11):

Is from a 2013 profile of Stephanie Meyer in The Guardian by Kira Cochran. So quote, I ask whether she’s anti-abortion. Well, I think it’s the fourth book. There’s a subplot about should we abort this vampire baby that’s going to kill you? No. And it’s like, well, clearly she’s, it’s my baby. Okay. So this journalist ask her quote, I ask whether she’s anti-abortion, and she says, you know what? I never talk about politics because that is one of my pet peeves. When people with any measure of celebrity get on their soapbox and say, you should vote this way. First of all, celebrities don’t know anything about real life. They live in an ivory tower. I lived in the real world for 30 years enough to know I’m not in it now. So honestly, that’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever heard a famous person say to acknowledge, you shouldn’t even go to me for my political advice. I don’t live in the same reality you live in. I have no idea how people live their lives anymore. I used to be a real person, but now I’m a billionaire, and I just wish more people would be that candid.

(00:34:14):

Yeah,

Laci (00:34:14):

Right.

Matt (00:34:16):

And also it’s clear, but she’s not.

Laci (00:34:19):

Yeah.

Rose (00:34:19):

What really clever ways to, not enough to give up the bag. Listen, the book speaks for itself. But that was a good response from her because I think so many times celebrities and famous people, they’re just dying to still be relatable. And it’s like, stop.

Laci (00:34:33):

You’re

Rose (00:34:34):

Not relatable.

Matt (00:34:35):

Yes. You can’t be.

Laci (00:34:36):

She could have bust out her hometown story in that moment if she went, I used to be friends with a girl that it’s like, that’s very boring, and you don’t get to have both. So acknowledge your privilege point and don’t engage with this conversation. Check. Great. You’re not trying to have both.

Matt (00:34:54):

Yeah. Just saying that makes me think you’re probably more of a real person than most celebrities. Okay. So she grew up in Phoenix, attended college at BYU. The Mormon University got her BA in English literature, but said she never considered becoming a writer professionally when she had her first child, she decided she wanted to be a full-time mom. And then there’s the famous origin story of Twilight. She tells it all the time. I’m quoting again from the Kira Cochrane guardian article almost 10 years ago as a young mother in Arizona. She had a dream about an average teenage girl and a beautiful male vampire sitting in a meadow, lost in conversation about the difficulties of their relationship. The specific problem was that if they became too close, if they gave into the girl’s intense desires, he’d heard and potentially kill her. Meyer wanted to remember the story, but was struggling with her small son’s.

(00:35:41):

Restless needs, relentless needs. So began writing it down for safekeeping. It was the first story she had ever put to paper. A modest woman, a committed Mormon, she loved books, had always conjured up stories, but had previously thought the idea of writing anything herself would be presumptuous. That story became Twilight, the first of four books in as saga that has sold more than a hundred million copies, blah, blah, et cetera, et cetera, quote. So that’s had the dream, started writing it down, and then went out to her sister who encouraged her, will take this seriously, try to actually write it. And that dream, she turned into what is chapter 13 of the book, which is the sequence where Edward, it goes into the sun. Look, I sparkle and starts explaining everything. And I would say the best scene in the movie, the best sequence in the movie, I think the most captivating. And then she finished the book, wrote to a bunch of literary agencies. It worked. She got a three book deal for $750,000 and it was off to the races. Alright. The film writes, but before the book was published, the first book, first book is published in 2003, right?

Laci (00:36:56):

I’m riveted. I don’t know.

Matt (00:36:58):

Okay. The film rights were sold to Paramount before the book was actually published, and they wrote a draft of the screenplay. And here’s a quote from Stephanie Meyer in 2008 describing that draft of the screenplay. So this is a screenplay. They work up before the book has come out before anybody knows what this is going to become

Laci (00:37:16):

The first book. Right. Okay. So they’re that. I mean, they know right away. It’s a parallel project.

Matt (00:37:21):

Yeah. So it’s interesting. Tons of books get optioned for movies and then never go anywhere.

Laci (00:37:27):

It’s

Matt (00:37:27):

Like we’re just going to,

Laci (00:37:29):

I just want the option.

Matt (00:37:30):

Yes. And then somebody will write a script, and the script they wrote was nothing like the book. So this is what Stephanie Meyer said, quote with the movie thing. They came to me about six months before Twilight came out, and I knew that it could go either way. And actually statistically it goes the bad way more often. But what pulled me through was the idea that if I could just see it on the screen with one scene, right. Preferably the Meadow scene. That was what I really wanted and I felt it was worth the risk. It was touch and Go. There was another script. They could have filmed it and not called it Twilight because it had nothing to do with the book. And that’s kind of frightening. When Summit came into the picture, they were so open to letting us make the rules for them. Like, okay, Bella cannot be a track star. Bella cannot have a gun or night vision goggles and no jet skis. Are you okay with that? And they were so cool. Yes. In the original draft, Bella is a track star. She has night vision goggles. She likes jet skis.

Rose (00:38:23):

Wow.

Matt (00:38:24):

The project,

Rose (00:38:26):

Hopefully someone burned that with fire because

Matt (00:38:29):

Oh, I’d love to see it

Rose (00:38:30):

Put in a museum,

Matt (00:38:32):

Some in entertainment purchases the project and turnaround. Now Twilight Mania has taken off. So they make the pitch, Hey, we’ll do whatever you want. We’ll be as faithful as you want. They go ahead. Summit is a production company that’s trying to ramp up into being a full fledged studio. And on the success of Twilight, they’re able to, well, basically they leverage getting purchased by Lionsgate to direct, well, first they hire a screenwriter, Melissa Rosenberg. She writes all five of the movies. And they hired to direct Catherine Hardwick, who was 52 years old at the time. She was a very successful production designer in Hollywood. She did production design for Tombstone Tank Girl, three Kings and Vanilla Sky. So just one of the most successful production designers in the industry. And then in 2003, she had her directorial debut 13. Has anybody here seen 13?

Rose (00:39:25):

Yes. I watched it a long time, probably when I shouldn’t have watched it. It was kind of a disturbing film. Yes.

Matt (00:39:32):

I watched it for the first time two nights ago. It is. It’s an excellent movie. It’s really great. But it is very, very punishing to watch, especially, we have a 14-year-old, but I was like, my 14 year old’s good. Not going to turn bad like this bad girl. So the story with that movie is Katherine Hardwick is in a relationship with a man who has a daughter. The daughter is Nikki Reed. She stays close to this girl even after she breaks up with the dad. But that girl has sort of troubled family life. And at the age of 13, Nikki Reed and Katherine Hardwick together write a screenplay about her life, which gets turned into the movie. Nikki Reed in the movie plays The Bad Girl Best Friend, and Evan Rachel Wood plays the movie version of Nikki Reed. Nikki Reed is also in the Twilight movies as Rosalie.

(00:40:22):

And this movie makes a lot of money. $10 million on a $2 million budget. Holly Hunter gets an Oscar nomination. It’s a great movie. And it was so interesting to watch this back to back with Twilight and see how many through lines there are stylistically, thematically, how much they look and feel and sound alike. Like 13 is shot documentary style with handheld cameras. It’s shot digitally. Twilight is on film, but the first Twilight has so much handheld camera, the camera’s moving constantly. So it was just so interesting to look at the movie that way. So she followed that up with Lords of Dog Town story about some skateboarders. It was a box office flop, but it’s sort of a cult classic. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (00:40:59):

I remember liking it.

Matt (00:41:00):

And then she gets hired for Twilight, but then not brought back for the sequel. And she said at the time, they had a crazy production schedule. They released one Twilight movie a year for five straight years, and that would be very, very difficult for anybody. So she said she just couldn’t do it right in just basically a few months. So they get Chris White for the next movie. They get David Slade for Eclipse, and then Bill Condon does both breaking Dawns.

Laci (00:41:28):

Are they worried about the aging of the actors or to do it so fast?

Matt (00:41:34):

I think it’s We got to get while the getting’s good.

Laci (00:41:36):

Yeah. And they just probably think the audience won’t know the difference if it’s shit.

Matt (00:41:41):

I mean, the history of ya is like, these things move really fast.

Laci (00:41:44):

The

Matt (00:41:44):

Audience moves on very fast.

Laci (00:41:45):

I don’t know. I feel like this really stuck. I feel like this caused a bunch of ya. That was very fast.

Matt (00:41:51):

The Hungry Games kind of took over Twilight by the end, and then the Hunger Games burned out really quickly too.

Laci (00:41:57):

I think it lives on forever. I can name those two things. See?

Matt (00:42:02):

Yeah. Yeah. I’m just saying this is how they were thinking about it. Harry Potter’s kind of an anomaly.

Courtney (00:42:08):

I think that they did the movie so fast because they didn’t want the actors to look older. I think that’s why they did the Twilight Series so fast.

Laci (00:42:18):

It had to be part of it.

Courtney (00:42:21):

With Harry Potter, there was a huge gap where they stopped filming when the boys were going through puberty and stuff like that. They actually stopped filming just because their voices and shit were unreliable.

Matt (00:42:34):

Yeah. They’d still get two years between movies for that. And those were, I think the Twilight movies look worse the farther they go along. This first movie has very little CGI, it’s shot in real locations. I think it looks really good as they go along. There’s way more green screen and way more CGI because there has to be, because we got wolves. We got a deadline.

Laci (00:42:55):

Oh, right. Plus the wolves.

Matt (00:42:56):

Well, yeah, that too.

Rose (00:42:58):

It’s interesting that the director made these grittier movies and because you could argue that that influences there in Twilight. It’s a very atmospheric movie, even though it’s all about angst, but it does have this edgy feel that kind doesn’t really click with what it actually is. But you’re like, man, this feels like something edgy is happening. You buy

Laci (00:43:19):

Into it a lot of murder. I mean, people are dying and you’re dealing with family dynamics of custody and shit. And I mean, I feel like it is kind of, teenage years are fucking garbage Plus add murder.

Matt (00:43:32):

Yeah. 13 is so good at observing what real teenagers are like. But she’s also great at observing kind of a working class family and a parent who’s not perfect but is trying her best. I see a lot of similarities between Charlie and between Holly Hunter in 13. And I think that she really brought a lot to the table for the whole series, even if she only worked on the first movie. Just briefly about the actors. Kristen Stewart was 17 when they produced this movie. Laci. She’s five foot five. Thank

Laci (00:44:00):

You.

Matt (00:44:00):

First big role was in panic room. David Fincher’s panic room. Jody Foster and David Fincher said they could tell right away this kid’s something special. She did a lot of stuff like ahora in the land of women and into the wild. And then twilight’s the big one in 2008, Robert Pattens and meanwhile 21 years old at the time of production.

Laci (00:44:22):

Fucking is he a goddamn wiggle?

Matt (00:44:24):

He’s a wiggle. Yes. He

Laci (00:44:25):

Looks like he’s in the Wiggles. He looks insane.

Rose (00:44:28):

Matt, that picture. You did him dirty. Come on. He

Matt (00:44:31):

Did it to fuck me. I searched Robert Pats in 2001.

Rose (00:44:36):

And then you picked the ugliest picture with the most heinous haircut. Looks Buck Wild

Matt (00:44:42):

Born two very wealthy parents in London in 1986. Laci didn’t know he was British.

Laci (00:44:47):

So

Matt (00:44:47):

When I pointed out in the movie when his British accent slips out, she’s like, why are you talking fly me before Twilight? The only roles he had were Vanity Fair,

Laci (00:44:57):

The Wiggles

Matt (00:44:58):

With Reese Witherspoon. But he got cut out of that movie and then Harry Potter and the gobbled of fire playing Cedric dig degree.

Laci (00:45:04):

And

Matt (00:45:04):

Then he gets in Twilight. And basically both of these actors after the Twilight Franchise have done a great job using their star power to get art house movies made to work with some of the most interesting directors.

Laci (00:45:15):

They knew they needed to shift.

Matt (00:45:17):

Yeah. Yeah.

Laci (00:45:18):

You immediately have to break out of that

Matt (00:45:19):

World. They wanted to run away from that kind of fame. And Robert Pattinson is listed.

Courtney (00:45:23):

Nobody hates on Twilight. Like Rob Patson saying Twilight.

Matt (00:45:27):

Oh, I think he had a bad time, not just with the fame, but with being told, Hey, stop being weird in the movie.

Laci (00:45:35):

Yeah. He was really trying to do something and now you can tell them that he actually was fashioning himself after a young Nicholas cage that that was. And when you know that, then you can see it while you’re watching the first one. And for them to be like, you’re doing a lot of acting, if you could just not, you’re the face, my man. You’re the face.

Matt (00:45:53):

And as the series goes along, Edward really, really falls into the background In the last movie, there’s a part where they make you think he’s dead. And I didn’t know that At the end of the first movie, the final movie, spoiler alert, they have a big battle that turns out it’s just a vision and Edward dies. And I’m like, yeah, that makes sense. Edward can die. How little it seems he matters anymore. Anyway, that’s the history of Twilight. Alright. The Twilight saga of course opens with a deer getting hunted.

Laci (00:46:42):

But why?

Matt (00:46:43):

Because of course the deer and the vampire

Laci (00:46:46):

Is she’s a lamb, not a deer.

Matt (00:46:47):

She’s a deer, but also she’s a lamb. And then we meet Bella and we get to hear her. Finally, I can’t bring myself to regret my decision to leave Phoenix. You’re

Laci (00:46:55):

Going to do this? Yeah.

Matt (00:46:56):

Okay. The way they talk about Phoenix, it now makes sense that Stephanie Meyers from Phoenix, I can’t leave the giant sprawling metropolis of Phoenix.

Laci (00:47:05):

It’s gorgeous.

Matt (00:47:07):

I’m

Laci (00:47:07):

Going there in a month. I’m excited.

Matt (00:47:09):

She goes over to Forks, Washington because her mother married a new man and she wants to go live with her dad. But also it seems like her mom maybe tricked her into it without necessarily Well, I kind of read it as I guilt

Laci (00:47:25):

Guilted

Matt (00:47:26):

Her into it. Yes. Hey, it was her decision. She wanted to do it.

Laci (00:47:29):

Well, I mean, she married a baseball player who travels in You’re newlyweds and Yeah, I think can she seems like an open book kind of mom. I can kind of relate to that. So yeah. No, I’ll stay here with your stupid ass. No, that’s fine.

Courtney (00:47:43):

Well also, look, Renee is this wild free spirit who seems very extroverted and Bella’s probably here. I could probably go live with my dad and just be left the fuck alone.

Laci (00:47:57):

Yeah, yeah. She’s a hover and that is not Bella’s style.

Matt (00:48:02):

And I think they have a thing about she had a baby very young and probably before she was ready and now is like, but now I get to have fun and live my life. So yeah, you may not be ready to move out, but I’m kind of done with you. So can you go live with your dad?

Laci (00:48:16):

Oh, and in your senior year of high school, what a dick. Fucking, I’m just saying don’t move anybody. That

Matt (00:48:21):

Junior year of high school, she’s a junior. Well junior, she goes to prom as a junior. I’m a junior. Edward’s a junior.

Laci (00:48:27):

Shut up. Fuck. Whatever. Semantics go on.

Rose (00:48:31):

It’s still a big change. But Bella and her dad definitely are more of a vibe together

Laci (00:48:37):

And very, yes.

Rose (00:48:38):

Along the same lines.

Matt (00:48:40):

So this is where we meet Billy Burke as Charlie, who I think is the MVP of the entire series. This guy rules. He plays this character so well and he’s such a welcome kind of undercutting of the operatic like over the top teenage emotion of the whole thing. But what I love about this movie especially is the way you see their relationship grow over the course of the movie without them saying anything to each other.

Laci (00:49:05):

Yes.

Matt (00:49:06):

It is all basically in silence so that at the end of the movie, when she has to break his heart, your heart

Laci (00:49:11):

Breaks

Matt (00:49:12):

For him.

Laci (00:49:13):

Yeah. The proximity, how long they’ll stay in a room together, how much they’ll talk about anything personal. It just slightly builds.

Matt (00:49:23):

Yeah, I love it.

Laci (00:49:24):

She’s squeezing the fuck out of that cactus by her tit. Can you move it? She’s going to get cactus tit.

Matt (00:49:29):

I love that he’s showing her room is your, this work lamp works pretty good, I guess.

Rose (00:49:35):

Yeah. The dynamic is really relatable though. I think it’s really relatable for a teenage girl to feel really awkward around her dad and for her dad to just want so deeply to connect but not be too overbearing. You could see he’s walking that line where he’s so deeply wants her to be comfortable, but also wants to not be overbearing.

Laci (00:49:56):

And this particular thing, it’s just kind of, it’s a coincidence. But I went to my dad’s every summer for two weeks, very different environment from my mom. And then there was a gap because I don’t know, I decided I didn’t want to fucking do that at some point around 13. So like 13 to 17. I didn’t go at all. And then I started visiting them again. And Grand Isle is a very small community, so people in flannel shirts would walk up like, oh my God, you’ve grown. Look at your tits. Mean it was just not the tits and there’s not many people there, so it’s easy to be really good looking there. You just have to have all your teeth. And I did had everyone. And so it was just like, you kind of become this. I’m not a celebrity, it’s just everyone’s going to say hi to you when you go to the one place to eat the one place to grocery shop. Anyway, so it’s well observed

Matt (00:50:50):

And to now know these people are all aware of me and have been talking about me when I’m not here. So there’s even more of a spotlight on me. A person who doesn’t want to be looked at or noticed.

Courtney (00:50:58):

Well see, I don’t think she was a huge topic of conversation until Charlie found out she was coming. And then I think Charlie being proud, excited. Dad was telling everybody like, Hey, my girl’s coming home. She’s not just coming for a week in the summer. She’s coming to live here. She wants to spend time with me because she loves me. My daughter loves me.

Matt (00:51:20):

Yeah. The movie doesn’t hammer that home. But you get that sense. He meets Jacob’s dad who then says, Charlie won’t shut up about it.

Laci (00:51:28):

Well, and Charlie’s not a talkative person, so even if he brought up three times, it’s like, shut up already.

Rose (00:51:34):

I love that. I love how they showed us how he acted in front of her, which is very nonchalant and whatever. I’m not a clingy dad. But then we get hints that actually he’s been freaking out and so excited and lining everything up so that she has a perfect time. And I found that very endearing.

Laci (00:51:50):

The truck, the new tires, the bedspread. I mean, he’s very prepared. He’s just keeping it chill.

Matt (00:51:58):

But the crucial thing is he always has a can of Rainier beer. Now let me ask you the book, book Experts. I read that alcohol is never mentioned in the books because Stephanie Meyer, a hardcore teetotaler. So that is something that Catherine Hardwick brought to this is a dad like this would be constantly be drinking beer. Of

Laci (00:52:16):

Course, yes. But they don’t ever say beer or drinking. Well, it’s Rainier. They call it Vitamin R. They just have it.

Matt (00:52:23):

They

Laci (00:52:24):

Don’t ever talk about it.

Matt (00:52:25):

Okay.

Courtney (00:52:26):

Well see. Also, even at Bella and Edward’s wedding in the fourth movie, I don’t even see champagne. I don’t even remember them talking about champagne in the book. Like, oh, we did a toast or nothing like that. It’s even in situations where it’s very kind of almost expected for something like that to be involved. Just nothing.

Matt (00:52:51):

Stephanie Meyer was brought on as a producer in the fourth and fifth movie, so maybe she put her foot down and said, no, there will be no champagne at this wedding.

Laci (00:52:58):

That is a bummer though. You don’t have the need to eat, drink, sleep or anything. What a perfect body to just do a lot of drugs, but no, and you don’t drink. So where would it go? You don’t have the plumbing I guess, but just a lot of time on your hands. Snack it at all.

Courtney (00:53:15):

Canned vampires get drunk.

Laci (00:53:18):

I don’t think so because they don’t take,

Courtney (00:53:21):

Honestly, if they did a line of Coke, would it you anything?

Laci (00:53:27):

I mean it seems, I feel like this needs to be looked into. I can’t think of any.

Courtney (00:53:31):

I’m I’m email Stephanie Meyer and ask her

Laci (00:53:33):

Please. I can’t think of any vampire movies where they do substances. Only have seen vampire movies where they treat blood as the substance, even though it’s the length thing they eat. But in Lost Boys, when they drink blood, they’re just like fucking, yeah. So blood, different types of blood.

Courtney (00:53:55):

I feel like in Vampire Diaries they can get drunk and Vampire Diaries in the originals

Laci (00:54:01):

And see or read whatever that is.

Courtney (00:54:04):

Oh,

Rose (00:54:04):

It’s a TV show. It is so good. Is it? Oh, it’s like Twilight but better. Okay, don’t say that. What could be better? Don’t say that. To me,

Courtney (00:54:17):

The originals is so much better, the Vampire Diaries. But you really have to watch Vampire Diaries to understand the originals. It’s a spinoff series.

Matt (00:54:28):

I get the feeling that the Twilight Series is for people who don’t vampires that much though, because it’s not

Laci (00:54:36):

A lot of self hating. They’re

Matt (00:54:37):

Not really that much of vampires

Laci (00:54:40):

And they’re very ashamed of it,

Matt (00:54:43):

And it’s like every vampire story will be like, forget what you know about vampires. We don’t do the garlic thing. We’re not afraid of crosses. Oh, blood. Yes, we do drink blood

Laci (00:54:52):

And reflection in the mirror. Forget about it, but

Matt (00:54:55):

It’ll add new powers. I shimmer and I have super speed and I can fly and read mines and everything. This

Laci (00:55:02):

Is, you’re right, right. There’s no vampire lore to these vampires except for the blood part. And they don’t do that.

Matt (00:55:07):

They’re superheroes. Basically.

Laci (00:55:08):

They

Courtney (00:55:08):

Kill animals. Have you seen the theory floating around that the Twilight vampires are actually go more along with fa lore than actually vampire lore? What kind of

Matt (00:55:24):

Lore? Yeah. I feel like maybe if Stephanie Meyer were more of a nerd, she would’ve just made,

Laci (00:55:29):

Oh yeah, you guys, there’s a book series. Was it you guys talking

Matt (00:55:34):

About a code of Thorn and Roses, which I did read the first book.

Laci (00:55:37):

Thought

Matt (00:55:38):

It sucked.

Courtney (00:55:39):

I hear it’s real hot.

Matt (00:55:40):

It was not hot.

Courtney (00:55:41):

I

Matt (00:55:41):

Want

Courtney (00:55:42):

Hot. How do you hate everything? I love,

Matt (00:55:44):

I’m sorry. Wait, I love Twilight. He’s I love Twilight.

Laci (00:55:47):

That’s too little Too late, Matt.

Matt (00:55:50):

Okay, now on minute two of the movie,

Laci (00:55:55):

If you want to needs a pee break, let me know. Then I won’t have to be the one that calls for a pee break. I’m always the one.

Matt (00:56:00):

It’s pretty surprising that we meet Jacob before we meet Edward in the movie, but now we meet him and his dad played by Gil Birmingham and Jacob played by Taylor Launer. They come over, they say, here, we got you a truck. She’s like, oh, this is a great truck. Because she’s just kind of a working class gal.

Laci (00:56:17):

I know. We have to endure his long hair. I always remember that, but then I’m always like, okay, move that bus. When are we going to hate it? When are we going to cut it? Cut it. I didn’t realize it’s not in this movie.

Matt (00:56:27):

Yeah,

Laci (00:56:27):

Yeah.

Courtney (00:56:29):

See, this is how everybody should have known from the very beginning that it was that Jacob never had a chance because he was the first boy introduced, and that’s how it always works. And young adult’s, the first boy that is already either already there or introduced first, he’s never in game. It’s boy. Interesting.

Matt (00:56:49):

Well, when these books were big and I didn’t know anything about them, but I knew about Team Edward and Team Jacob even. I was like, well, obviously Edward’s going to win one. He’s a vampire and werewolves vampires are way better than werewolves. But two, I knew he’s like the love of interest. He’s not an actual threat from this. Jacob, was anybody ever actually on team Jacob? That’s what I want to know. Yes,

Laci (00:57:11):

People were, those are people I find. Those are people with brother comp, people who want a partner who’s more like a brother to them. This protection love kind of thing.

Courtney (00:57:21):

I’m sorry. Lazy. Are you saying that teens

Laci (00:57:24):

People

Courtney (00:57:24):

Are brother fuckers.

Laci (00:57:25):

They’re brother fuckers. They are a certain kind of girl who wants a certain kind of really protective guy like Teddy bear. You can joke around, you can fart in front of ’em. They want the best friend but protective version of a boyfriend. The Edward ones are the ones that want this fucking passion that takes over everything and you can’t fart and you want to be better around them and they make you better. And normal people, people,

Rose (00:57:54):

You can’t fart in a one mile radius of Edward.

Laci (00:57:57):

No. He would smell it, smell superpower, smell, smell it. He’s going to smell it.

Rose (00:58:00):

He’s going to hear it. Yeah. He could hear it.

Laci (00:58:01):

He’s going to know what he’s thinking. I know what that fart was thinking, Bella, I can’t read your mind long.

Matt (00:58:07):

Read your fart and it’s going to be there a long time. It’s

Laci (00:58:10):

Going to linger.

Rose (00:58:12):

That’s true. So I think the team, Jacob, people are probably the book readers, because I do remember really kind of adoring Jacob A. Little more from the books

Laci (00:58:24):

He is enduring

Rose (00:58:25):

In the movie. He has very little screen time in the movie and very little time to connect. So he just kind of really feels like not even a possible contender, but I feel like in the books you’re like, yeah, he’s the safer option. He would make the most sense.

Laci (00:58:39):

Yeah, I think you’re right. I think it does make it a little bit more will they,

Matt (00:58:42):

When I read the books and I think he’s actually more of a fully realized character than either the other two. And that’s why I thought you really get to know this guy. He seems like he has stuff going on in his head where Edward is an empty vessel. I mean, Edward and Bella, their Disney Prince and Princess, they have

Laci (00:59:02):

All of their conversations are in montage with no sound.

Matt (00:59:05):

Yes. I love the scene where they start having their, let’s really get to know each other. And you don’t

Laci (00:59:09):

Hear it. I’m relieved. I’m relieved. I can’t hear it. But look at them. They’re building their rapport. That’s great. I don’t want to hear it.

Matt (00:59:15):

You like stuff. I like stuff too. Soup.

Courtney (00:59:19):

See, my opinion of Edward totally changed when Rose and I did Midnight Sun. That is twilight from Edward’s point of view.

Matt (00:59:27):

Oh

Courtney (00:59:27):

Listen, the inside of Edward’s head is not empty. It’s dark as fuck.

Matt (00:59:31):

So it’s not just the word duh. For 200 pages.

Rose (00:59:34):

Well, and to be fair, Stephanie Meyer, I believe wrote Midnight Sun as a way to redeem herself. She heard all the criticisms of Edward and she essentially wrote in reasons retroactively like, oh yeah. Well, the reason he was spying on her was because of this. The reason he did this was because of that. And when you’re in it, it makes sense. You’re like, yeah, I’m with him.

Laci (00:59:57):

He went through the plague. Always good people die in your sleep all the time. He’s got to be there to vampire her in case she’s dying in her sleep.

Matt (01:00:03):

Always a good sign when the writer’s like, listen, I have to write another book so you can understand my old book. No, totally. This all makes sense. Don’t worry about it.

Courtney (01:00:12):

In Midnight Sun, Edward, his thought process is so self-loathing, but not in a boring way. And he has all this self-hatred, but also he is trying to reconcile his sort of feelings for Bella or his initial intrigue with her. He’s trying to reconcile it, but also he’s sitting in a classroom full of children in science class when she first comes in and he’s like, I wonder how long it would take me to kill all these fucking kids.

Matt (01:00:45):

Okay, sounds like

Courtney (01:00:47):

It

Matt (01:00:48):

Sounds like I should give this book a chance. Never Considered It. Is it not a movie? I only give movies? No, it’s a book she wrote. Hey, I have a new book. It’s Twilight, but from Edward’s perspective, and again, I was like, but Edward is boring. I don’t care

Rose (01:01:01):

If they ever redo Twilight. I really hope they basically just do Midnight Sun. That would be so much more interesting to do it from his perspective.

Matt (01:01:12):

I think if Robert Pattinson and Christian Stewart’s careers were in the same place that Taylor Lautner’s career is in, I think that movie would’ve been greenlit like four years ago. So you either at this point, they’re going to hard reboot like Harry Potter did, or there’s nothing they can do, no

Laci (01:01:28):

Support will not be rebooting or the saddest kind of reboot where they have one original character, the one that’s doing the worst.

Matt (01:01:35):

I’d watch the Charlie Chronicles though. I dunno what you’re talking about.

Rose (01:01:39):

It’s surprising they haven’t rebooted it already. It’s actually shocking.

Laci (01:01:43):

I feel like there’d be riots.

Matt (01:01:46):

No, I know. See, but way before they announced that Harry Potter, they were going to turn it into a series. It’s one thing I’ve gotten right is I bet they turn this into a TV show and just do the books again.

Laci (01:01:57):

Is that what they did?

Matt (01:01:58):

Yeah, they’re doing that because they tried to do the Fantastic Beasts movies and I think they realize people don’t like this world. They like Harry Potter himself and they like the characters they know. So just do that again, so they totally could just do it again.

Laci (01:02:11):

I’m not watching it.

Matt (01:02:13):

Okay. We go to school. Laci, do you want to tell us about what happens when Bella goes to school?

Laci (01:02:18):

She’s the cat’s meow. I don’t know if the slides in front of me. I’m not used to this. Let’s see. She gets the tour. Oh, what happens? What the fuck is it? I don’t know. She gets a pretty good greeting in a pretty shitty one. You live in a bumfuck town and you think my truck dumb. Oh, right. You are small town people who are pretending you’re not. So you all have big city cars. I get you. So she’s playing country while they’re playing inner city. It’s a mismatch folks. Until the kid that’s the welcome wagon takes her under your wing and then she’s the most popular hutch hit ever. But she’s super awkward and I can’t tell if she’s in a popular friend group or not. I can’t tell that these kids are all attractive, but they’re nerdy.

Matt (01:03:04):

She’s in the only friend group in the entire school. These are the only kids we ever see.

Laci (01:03:08):

There’s other kids,

Matt (01:03:09):

These five kids.

Laci (01:03:10):

All right. Well, but Kendrick Sydney’s

Courtney (01:03:13):

In a popular friend group.

Laci (01:03:15):

Okay,

Courtney (01:03:16):

You

Rose (01:03:16):

Think so? Okay. Anna Kendrick. Anna Kendrick’s character. Yeah, the most, I think she was supposed to be the most popular girl in school

Laci (01:03:25):

And then Bella replaces, which that’s some scary shit when you’re the hot girl in a small town and then another hot girl gets here. Fuck. So she was very smart to be like, let me keep her close. I think they play pretty convincing, not frenemies, because Bella doesn’t give a shit enough about it like that. They’re friends, but she’s kind of always got her eye on Bella of like, don’t get smarter. Don’t be funnier.

Matt (01:03:49):

Break

Laci (01:03:49):

Your other foot.

Matt (01:03:50):

This is such a small town in school that somebody new arrives and it’s legit front page news

Laci (01:03:55):

That in fact they’re going to do a feature on her

Matt (01:03:57):

Until they kill the feature. The feature’s dead, Angela.

Laci (01:04:02):

So I mean, I think it’s a pretty good first day. Then now we’re at lunch and for this is the first time she’s spotting the cullins and they walk in just the hottest pieces of ass,

Matt (01:04:12):

Just a pack of Arian hunks all

Laci (01:04:14):

Filing. What did they like? Do you think they use perfume? I just need to know what they smell. Do you smell? Maybe So something cold.

Matt (01:04:20):

We wouldn’t be able to describe it.

Laci (01:04:21):

Okay.

Rose (01:04:22):

It’s weird. Where are they coming from? Because they’re walking in from outside. It’s like lunch is halfway through.

Laci (01:04:30):

Right? Why didn’t you come with everybody else? Right.

Matt (01:04:33):

They were doing their prayer circle. They were doing a prayer circle.

Laci (01:04:36):

They were special hall passes. Yeah. It seems like they just got to school and we get introduced to them one by one and they’re very standoffish. It, it’s almost like, why even do this part? Why not just pretend you’re young adults and go, I don’t know. They don’t seem happy anywhere. They’re misfits. They are just paired off together and they once look like the most luxurious. Alice

Courtney (01:05:01):

Seems happy.

Laci (01:05:02):

Yes. Yes, she does. But the rest of them are miserable smelling a bunch of blood bags that they can’t eat and to just go do baseball a lot. Go work thunder’s a lot. Go live your dreams, vampires, you have money.

Matt (01:05:16):

No, I know if then there’d be no series, there’d be no movie. But yeah, every time I’m like, why do they have to be in school? Imagine,

Laci (01:05:23):

Why are you doing? Right? Imagine who’s

Matt (01:05:24):

Going to notice if your young adults are not in school, just be like, no, they’re in their twenties. I’m running my Mormon house here. Don’t leave me alone. Please. Yeah.

Courtney (01:05:32):

Rose and I talked about this to where if we were vampires, you want us to go back to high school?

Laci (01:05:38):

Fuck that.

Courtney (01:05:39):

Absolutely not,

Laci (01:05:39):

Right? No. That’s like, yeah, I don’t need to be patronized by a couple of shitty teachers every year. There’s always going to be a couple when I’m like three times their age. I’m not doing this. No, thank you. And it’s love at first sight. Bella sees Edward and Kendra. What is her name?

Matt (01:06:01):

Anna Kendrick.

Laci (01:06:02):

Jessica. Jessica. It’s like, don’t even try. Okay. I guess it’s gorgeous, but no one can crack that. But they’re pulled together. I guess maybe by this time Alice has already had a vision because they all seem very aware of Bella. I know she’s staring at them, but you got to think everyone stares at the cullins. But that whole table seems to be aware of her too. Although she’s new, whatever. Okay, so now it’s biology time, and now the weirdest face acting in funniest moments are coming

Matt (01:06:33):

Over. She walks in front of a giant oscillating fan that blows her stench onto him, and you can see him just

Laci (01:06:42):

If he had a notebook in front of his boner, that’d be about the thing. He’s like having a nose boner.

Matt (01:06:47):

So he’s trying not to puke, and

Rose (01:06:49):

I would’ve dropped out of school right then and there.

Laci (01:06:51):

If that was a reaction to what I thought was my smell, I would cry and I’d go home. There’s no way I would endure this.

Matt (01:07:01):

It’s funny. It would never occur to me that it’s a smell. It was like, that guy’s fucking weird. I always think everybody hates me, but I would never think it’s my smell. But

Rose (01:07:10):

He’s doing this. He very confident he’s doing this also. He’s the only one retching. That’s the thing too, if there were multiple people covering their noses, but he’s the only one and it’s so dramatic.

Laci (01:07:23):

Yes. It’s almost like this is his way of negging. So really specific kind of like, oh, you’re the new hot girl. You smell so bad. It’s very performative.

Matt (01:07:33):

But as he keeps trying not to puke, the camera does the famous,

Laci (01:07:37):

It’s not puke. It’s not puke because he’s so turned on. He’s trying not to eat her. We don’t know that though. We

Matt (01:07:43):

Don’t. Yes. I’m sorry, Matt. Putting myself in the mind of the viewer for the first time. We get the famous shot composition of him with angel wings, so I don’t know what to think. Is he an asshole or an angel or maybe both. And then I love him going to the school administrator or whatever, and he’s like, you got to get me out of that class. Well,

Laci (01:08:04):

Talking to her, she’s like a college advisor is like, I need you to rear end my sexual.

Matt (01:08:08):

No. The way he carries himself, he’s just everywhere. He beats on the bus driver’s door, open the door for me. They do. He’s just the fucking big boss here at school. And they’re like, sorry, we can’t put you in a different class. I guess I’ll have to endure it. And he just storms away.

Laci (01:08:23):

And Bella heard all that another time. I would definitely kill myself. I would not go back to school after this.

Matt (01:08:29):

No. Right.

Laci (01:08:31):

Part of me feels like I would confront him because it’s so over the top and out of nowhere that did I do something? What is happening right now? I would need some kind of clarity or my mind would go insane.

Matt (01:08:40):

Okay. It’s interesting because the part that’s always I’ve not understood is this part in the book, in the movie, she’s like, I was going to confront him for the way he treated me, but I’ve always been like, well, what did he do? He just made some faces, but okay.

Laci (01:08:54):

No,

Courtney (01:08:55):

He implied

Laci (01:08:56):

A lot.

Matt (01:08:57):

Okay,

Courtney (01:08:58):

Matt, you’re leaving out. They had made eye contact. Did they had a nonverbal conversation. So she was going to be like, Hey, we talked. Then you pretended to vomit. What the fuck?

Matt (01:09:14):

Right. See, I can’t imagine myself making eye contact with anyone. So that’s why I wasn’t able to figure that

Rose (01:09:20):

Part out in high school. Are you making eye contact with a girl? No.

Matt (01:09:24):

Get

Rose (01:09:25):

Pregnant. That’s

Matt (01:09:25):

Where eyes, shoes, that’s how boys

Laci (01:09:27):

Get pregnant. Yes. And he can’t read her mind. So if you add that on top, I feel like if you can read everyone’s mind at your whole existence since being a vampire, and then you come up to one person that doesn’t, I think that your curiosity over having the longest life ever, you must be so bored. That should trump the smell. I know you probably shouldn’t kill somebody at school. I get it, but I’m just saying, where’s your curiosity?

Matt (01:09:55):

I think this was Exhibit eight, a summon entertainment with Robert Pats, and he is like, but in the script it says that he’s overwhelmed by her smell. I’m just playing it how that guy would play it. And they’re like, no, no, no. That’s way too weird. You can, can’t do that anymore.

Rose (01:10:05):

Played Robert Pattinson played this as if it was on stage like a Broadway play. There was a lot of physicality to it where it was in the book. It wasn’t like, oh, he recoiled. It was just like he was tense and weird and stared at her and wouldn’t talk to her. Made her uncomfortable.

Laci (01:10:26):

He wasn’t, it’s not like using the back of his hand to slide instruments across. Don’t touch me with your smell.

Courtney (01:10:34):

Oh, after this at midnight Sun, Edward goes home and talks to his family about it and Rosalie’s like, okay, I can kill her for you if you want.

Laci (01:10:46):

Oh, this is interesting. Okay, keep giving. I can just take care of the problem, give the feedback. That’s another person who I can’t totally figure out what’s going on. It’s like either Rosalie is acting exactly like what everyone else should be acting like, or she’s an out of control bitch, and I feel like it might be the first one.

Courtney (01:11:03):

So Rosalie’s problem with Bella is actually that. So one Bella comes in, Bella tempts Edward with her delicious funk, and Edward’s like, Hey, I think I might kill the chief of police’s daughter and then drain her dry. I might take a little doggy bag to go for later. And Rosalie’s like, no, I actually really like living here. I don’t want you to ruin this for us. So we have to leave. How about I just go kill the girl for you? And then problem solved. No more temptation and Edward’s like, but no, I actually kind of like her. Why would you try to kill her? And then later on, Rosalie resents Bella, because Rosalie never wanted to be a vampire. So she resents Bella. I remember that Bella really wants to be a vampire,

Laci (01:11:56):

Right?

Courtney (01:11:57):

She feels like Bella’s throwing her life away,

Laci (01:11:59):

Right? LARPing in her reality, which is not what she thinks it is, right? I mean, she’s a fucking 17-year-old child. She has no perception of eternity or what she’s giving up. She hasn’t done anything yet.

Matt (01:12:14):

So we go to this diner where they have the most delicious looking burgers that caused Laci and I to order burgers from DoorDash.

Laci (01:12:21):

We couldn’t help ourselves.

Matt (01:12:22):

And we meet the butt crack Santa guy, Waylon, I believe is his name, who will later get killed by bad vampires,

Laci (01:12:27):

Which is the first viewing where I realized that’s the same person. That’s

Matt (01:12:30):

That guy.

Laci (01:12:30):

He died

Matt (01:12:31):

Hi against Billy Burke. And Kristen Stewart have amazing chemistry in their awkwardness and in their non qui. This is another thing to recommend this series. Everybody who listens to this podcast knows I hate quips. I hate the Marvel movie, Quip verbal tennis matches that all the franchises do. This series doesn’t do it Believable

Laci (01:12:50):

Conversation.

Matt (01:12:50):

They don’t make stupid jokes to each other all the time. So that’s

Rose (01:12:54):

Something No, that’s such a good point. It’s so true because even how the teenagers all act really relatable, teenagers are not typically going back and forth with super insightful philosophical comments.

Laci (01:13:05):

They

Rose (01:13:06):

Just pull out of nowhere, back and forth like Gilmore Girl style.

Laci (01:13:09):

And

Rose (01:13:09):

It seems like most of these try to do that. And this movie, the teenagers are just dumb. They just say dumb stuff like, Hey, Arizona, how’s the

Laci (01:13:17):

Right? And we’re going to put the rain off my head on your head or pulling the chair from each other. Teenagers at this age are definitely physical. They don’t, I don’t know what’s in my words, slap you. This movie gets that. Exactly right. These are very believable teenagers. That’s why the cullins are even more bizarre. They’re just stupid.

Matt (01:13:37):

Yeah, real teenagers can’t quip with each other. They don’t listen to each other that would involve listening to each other. And they don’t. They just, Hey, it would be my turn to talk soon, or I’m going to punch you in the face or dangle a worm in front of you or kiss you on the cheek. The way

Courtney (01:13:50):

When they’re on the field trip and when they’re on the field trip and the teachers, we had this steaming cup of compost tea and the boys were like, that’s literally, literally, that is exactly how teenage boys act. That’s the most believable representation of teenagers in high school that I’ve ever seen in my life.

Matt (01:14:11):

So Bella’s narration comes back. It’s very sporadic in this movie, but she’s like, I plan to confront him, but he never showed. He didn’t show for days. Things were getting strange. And then we cut away to this guy running through, what is it, A mill or mine getting chased by unseen vampires.

Laci (01:14:29):

This’s security guard. So

Matt (01:14:31):

It is a mine. Yes. This always reminds me of an X-Files cold open. And then I realized, oh, molder and Scully could show up in forks. Look at that

Laci (01:14:38):

Sly. Oh, it’s the camera angle. It’s like they lay the camera on the ground to watch ’em run.

Matt (01:14:43):

It’s

Laci (01:14:43):

A very jarring different view when you’re seeing things through the other vampires view. Shit gets weird. Very sci-fi.

Matt (01:14:50):

These teenage brothers and sisters are paired off romantically. Scully,

Rose (01:14:56):

I love the implication for people that watching this for the first time, that this is Edward,

Matt (01:15:00):

Right? Yes. I only picked up on that, on this viewing. The editing makes is totally set up to make you think Edward is vanished. I wondered what happened to Edward. Cut immediately to an unseen vampire chasing a guy down. And they keep that up for a little while longer. That

Laci (01:15:14):

Which only works if you didn’t read the books or Yeah, you saw it for the first. Right. Didn’t even work on, didn’t work on me. Stupids. This actor, this one that plays the one that’s mad, not Imit, but Edgar Jagger.

Matt (01:15:27):

Jasper.

Laci (01:15:27):

Jasper. That’s not Timothy Chalamet, right?

Matt (01:15:31):

No, it’s not Timothy. Let’s call him.

Rose (01:15:35):

It’s the same genre of White Boy. Yes.

Laci (01:15:37):

As

Rose (01:15:38):

Timothy,

Laci (01:15:38):

The big hair.

Courtney (01:15:39):

His

Rose (01:15:39):

Name is Jackson.

Matt (01:15:40):

Jackson. I

Rose (01:15:41):

Like his.

Matt (01:15:42):

I played Jagger. I played Jagger in the tryout movies. I know all the other actors’ names, but not him. We got Kellen Lutz as Emmett. We got Nikki Reed as Rosalie and Ashley Green, who I was like 37 years old right here playing

Laci (01:15:56):

Rizzo,

Matt (01:15:56):

Playing, what’s her name? Alice. Alice.

Laci (01:15:59):

Alice,

Matt (01:15:59):

Right? Yeah. Alice. So yeah. And then the scene after that, Charlie, the town cop is telling his daughter, yeah, somebody got killed by an animal or something.

Laci (01:16:09):

You know what? I can’t tell. I can’t clock. If Charlie believes in vampires, I mean he’s best friends with someone who obviously does have good reason to believe in vampires. No,

Matt (01:16:17):

He doesn’t believe in vampires.

Laci (01:16:19):

I don’t know. I think that him and what’s his nose have probably had a couple of drunken conversations where it’s at least come up.

Matt (01:16:27):

No, I don’t think there’s any reason to think

Rose (01:16:29):

That. I don’t think they talk about it. I don’t think the tribe talk about it because they get really awkward even when they bring up Edwards. So I don’t think it’s something that they talk to outsiders about,

Laci (01:16:40):

But they’re not making it in any kind of a mystery how they feel about Bella with Edwards. So they do have thoughts and feelings about the Cullins, and if it’s not that they’re vampires, then what the fuck is it?

Matt (01:16:50):

It’s because their ancestors were weirdos. Yeah, but

Laci (01:16:54):

They were weird because of the

Matt (01:16:55):

Vampires. No, we just leave out that It’s like Scientology. We don’t tell you about the alien stuff until you’re like a hundred levels in. Charlie’s not there yet. We are just my drinking buddy. And even if he told him we have vampires, he’d be too drunk to understand.

Laci (01:17:12):

Does he get drunk? He just gets relaxed.

Matt (01:17:14):

And then Charlie tells Bella she’s late on rent, but they can talk about it later. So Bella goes back to school. She never once in this movie actually seems to talk to any of her friends. They just talk at her and then she wanders off to stare at Edward and she sees Edward is back. But he’s nice now. Kind of

Laci (01:17:32):

His eyes are different.

Matt (01:17:33):

Yeah. He’s wearing a gray t-shirt and Bella goes to sit next to him and he’s like, oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t get a chance talking to my mad word. And then Bella now starts, they both start talking to each other like that. It’s like you were out of town.

Laci (01:17:48):

Okay, stop.

Matt (01:17:50):

And they do their, so they start to get to know each other a little bit. Although right away we get his patronizing. You think you’re good at science? I know what’s under that microscope. But she knows everything about the microscope too.

Laci (01:18:05):

Everything about that microscope,

Matt (01:18:07):

What model it is when it was manufactured. Yeah. It starts grilling her about her life decisions. Why are you even here? I don’t get it. I’m trying to figure you out, but I can’t.

Laci (01:18:17):

Well, you got to think he’s an old thing that’s always had this one advantage over everyone. He is ever come in contact in. You would be like a child, A child ask question after question after question because they don’t know where people are coming from and this is the one person. He doesn’t know what she’s fucking, why come hair long? Okay. Why dad? Yeah. You like you go to the bathroom. Just every question you’d have to, you have no other way of understanding.

Courtney (01:18:46):

Edward’s probably completely changed his way of communication since becoming a vampire because he doesn’t have to ask questions. Exactly.

Matt (01:18:55):

So he’s forgotten how to make small talk with people. You’re

Laci (01:18:57):

So right. He doesn’t, you’re God, you’re so right. Yes. He has more conversation skills. He’s a Bambi. He’s learning. Yeah. He can just get his answer. Oh, how boring to be around him.

Matt (01:19:07):

But also there’s no consequences to ruining your reputation. One, because you’re Mormon and you’re not supposed to talk to normal people too. But two, if you totally permanently ruin your reputation, you’ll just reset again in a few years. It’s fine.

Laci (01:19:20):

Okay. But isn’t it also the point of any religion to take on converts? So when do they open those books if you’re not ever reaching out how you get them souls?

Matt (01:19:32):

I think this is him reaching out.

Laci (01:19:34):

Okay, fine.

Matt (01:19:36):

She’s a good prospect. He smells her and he is like, okay. Yes. I think you’re a promising prospect to invite you into my religion,

Laci (01:19:42):

The smellier, the woman, the hot or the vampire.

Matt (01:19:45):

Yeah. So you weren’t in school. And he’s like, yes, I was out for personal reasons, personal. And then we go out to the car

Laci (01:19:57):

And they’re still just staring at each other all the time.

Rose (01:20:00):

Now wait a minute, guys. We are missing a very important fact here that Edward doesn’t look like the Edward before when he was acting all weird and twitchy and

Laci (01:20:10):

Talk

Rose (01:20:10):

To Bella,

Laci (01:20:11):

Right? New eyes.

Rose (01:20:12):

Do you have contacts? Yeah. He used to have black eyes, like pits from hell, and now he has brown eyes.

Laci (01:20:19):

That makes

Rose (01:20:19):

Him nice. He wants to know more about you.

Matt (01:20:22):

Oh yeah. It’s the fluorescent,

Laci (01:20:25):

Yeah. The shirt’s from Emma Crombie. What else happened?

Matt (01:20:30):

Sorry, I forgot the I thing

Rose (01:20:32):

When he says, because asking her a lot of questions and then he says, I’m just trying to figure you out. I’m sorry. Is that not what every single teenage girl wants a boy to tell?

Laci (01:20:42):

Yes. Right. He says a ton of those key things of just like,

Rose (01:20:46):

Yeah,

Matt (01:20:47):

There’s so much of that. He’s also,

Courtney (01:20:48):

Honestly, as a teenage girl, if a boy was kind of rude to me and then came back and wanted to know every little thing about me, he was asking me every question about myself. Then he said that, oh,

Laci (01:21:01):

It’s over.

Courtney (01:21:02):

Listen, I would literally throw my virginity at him.

Laci (01:21:05):

Yes,

Matt (01:21:06):

Yes. This is absolutely wishful film. And he also, he constantly says her name in the book and in the movie, every sentence ends with Bella. It’s like a sales tactic. It’s like people like hearing their own names. So constantly say, what are you talking about, Bella? Why are you doing here, Bella?

Laci (01:21:22):

And everyone gets her name wrong all the time, so he never does.

Matt (01:21:25):

Exactly. That’s hot. Yeah. So guys, if you’re listening, be mean to girls and then ask them a lot of questions. It will work.

Laci (01:21:32):

You need to use your platform for good, Matt. Okay? Know that you’re privileged and don’t use this mic for evil.

Matt (01:21:38):

But on the podcast, we’ve been giving people a lot of bad advice recently.

Laci (01:21:42):

Yeah, I can.

Matt (01:21:43):

On the baby boom episode, we’re like, it’s kind of hot when a guy kisses you without asking you first, and you’re like, I mean, yeah, you shouldn’t, but it could work. Who knows?

Laci (01:21:51):

Depends on if he’s fixing your flat tire or not. Yeah. Take a chance, see what happens.

Matt (01:21:55):

Come on. So out in the parking lot, Bella nearly gets hit by a car, but Edward zooms in and saves her, and she’s like, what? The watch? And then he runs away, the whole school descends, and then the cullins look on and

Laci (01:22:05):

They think Bella made this dent in the van. I never understood this part.

Matt (01:22:10):

Who knows? They’re not asking questions. Bella goes to the hospital where she meets Dr. Cullen, played by Peter Elli, and he is like, oh, yes, I’m the doctor here, and you have been, can you let me flash my thing in your thing?

Laci (01:22:26):

The nurse can’t do such technology.

Matt (01:22:28):

And she is like, Hey, your son Edward saved my life. And he’s like, oh, okay. How about that? Right.

Rose (01:22:33):

Wait, did you, he’s like, when she brings him up, he’s immediately like, no bitch, you’re concussed. Okay. You hit your head really hard, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Better

Matt (01:22:43):

Keep

Rose (01:22:43):

Your mouth shut. The gaslighting, yes,

Matt (01:22:46):

There’s a lot of men saying like, okay, stupid to Bella, but you know what? It can work. As we said, well

Courtney (01:22:52):

See in the book when she’s talking to Charlie, not Charlie, when she’s talking to Carlisle and she’s like, yeah, it was the craziest thing. Edward got to me so fast. He was nowhere close to me. And when Carlisle was like, huh, odd. She’s like, the doctor’s in on it, he fucking knows. She clocks it.

Matt (01:23:15):

She

Courtney (01:23:15):

Needs

Laci (01:23:15):

To watch her mouth. She’s spilling secrets.

Matt (01:23:18):

Yeah. She goes to, I got to talk to Edward and Edward’s talking to his dad, and he’s like, was I supposed to just let her die? Come on. And they’re like, Edward, this isn’t just about you. It’s about all of us or something. And Bella’s like, Edward, can I talk to you? And he is like, what do you want? Stupid? What’s going on? He is like, I was standing right next to you. You’re concussed and you’re not. And by the way, nobody’s going to believe, right? No

Rose (01:23:41):

One’s going to believe that one’s a red, that was flag. Kind of all the things Edward does the way he just immediately goes, well, no one’s going to believe you. He almost gets aggressive. He’s ready to snap our neck that moment. Yeah,

Laci (01:23:55):

There’s a couple of times he’s aggressive.

Matt (01:23:57):

I mean, again, you shouldn’t behave like Edward unless you think it’s going to work. In which case, maybe you should. Okay, thanks.

Courtney (01:24:04):

Oh Lord. So listen, P, we were totally glossing over Carlisle right now because listen, hot vamp, Dr. Daddy, he looks like he has a fucking 401k

Laci (01:24:18):

Of all the vampires, though he is the least convincing to me the way he looks. I just don’t like his makeup. He looks like a kind doll. I don’t know. I realize he’s attractive, but he doesn’t read as he’s at pale to me.

Courtney (01:24:34):

But see, the thing is, is that he’s attractive. He’s a doctor, so he’s obviously intelligent and also his calm demeanor when speaking, I don’t know, it just does something for me.

Laci (01:24:47):

I agree to that. I agree that the look is a mismatch, a mismatch for me though, he seems like he should be a tan person, and so the makeup feels like makeup on him in a way that it does it on the rest for me. I think something about

Rose (01:25:01):

The blonde hair,

Laci (01:25:02):

Something

Rose (01:25:03):

About the blonde hair

Laci (01:25:04):

Just blending. It’s just all one color. And then the white jacket too. It’s like, okay, I need some contrast.

Matt (01:25:10):

I find his performance. Well, I mean, the character’s just kind of, his attribute is he’s virtuous and good. So I was like, how can you make this character interesting? I like Peter Elli in general. I guess people probably know him best from Can’t Hardly Wait, and he’s in a billion TV shows. But yeah, this performance I find kind of underwhelming and he looks weird, but he also just doesn’t have anything to do in this movie.

Laci (01:25:35):

The parents really do nothing.

Matt (01:25:38):

So then they take a field trip,

Laci (01:25:41):

They’re on a fucking field trip. I wish you’d just give me bullet points as to what you want me to fucking say,

Matt (01:25:47):

But when I did that, you told me to stop doing that. I know.

Laci (01:25:49):

Okay, so I don’t know. Bella and Everett are getting some fucking time together. No, that’s not what happens here.

Rose (01:25:58):

Which scene are we talking about?

Laci (01:26:00):

They’re on the field trip, and I’m trying to think what’s the significance except for the fact that they won’t let her ride. I mean, the brothers and sisters make it very clear. We don’t want you in our squad. We ride a different bus. I don’t remember what interaction her and Edward have here.

Rose (01:26:16):

So this is when Edward is, he’s being hot and cold again in a really weird way because again, he has continued to gaslight her about the events of the accident, and now she’s like a dog with a bone trying to get information out of him, and he is refusing to tell her, but also wanting to be around her at the same time, right?

Laci (01:26:36):

The whole what’s in Jacksonville. So he lets the cat out of the bag about another power that he has. He was nowhere near her when that boy asked her to prom. And she said, oh, I have a scheduling conflict. I’ll be in Jacksonville. And then he’s way across the thing, and he walks up, wasn’t Jacksonville. So he’s giving away his secrets, and that’s when they start to have a little bit of back and forth, but I don’t know where it lands, but not in a good place. He won’t ride the bus with her.

Matt (01:27:02):

Yeah. So what happens is one of the other idiot guys asks Bella to prom, and she’s like, oh, I’m going to somewhere I can’t, Jackson.

Laci (01:27:11):

Hey,

Matt (01:27:12):

Why don’t you go ask the only other girl in this movie? Why don’t you go ask prom? And he’s like, oh, okay. Oh no, Anna Kendrick, go ask Anna Kendrick. And he’s like, oh, no. Oh, okay. She’s dying to go to prom with you. Okay, that worked out. And then Edward asks her, why are you going to Seattle

Laci (01:27:29):

Jacksonville? Why are you going to,

Matt (01:27:30):

I’m sorry. Why are you going? It’s Seattle in the book. Why are you going to Jacksonville?

Laci (01:27:34):

What’s in Jacksonville? And she says, Floridians. Then she slips. It’s one of her two jokes. Matt Floridians are in Jacksonville,

Matt (01:27:41):

So it seems like they’re getting somewhere. But then he’s like, Lu, I just don’t think we should be friends. And she’s like, well, you should have thought of that before you saved my life. And he’s like, yeah, well fuck you. And then he beats on the bus driver’s door and that’s that.

Courtney (01:27:52):

Yeah, he’s so intense. He’s like, you think I regret saving you? She’s like, I can tell that you do. And he’s just like, literally, he is not wanting to be friends with her. She’s like, fine, I guess I should have just be dead.

Rose (01:28:06):

Right?

Matt (01:28:08):

It’s a thing

Rose (01:28:09):

That happens, should stand in traffic. She should just go stand in the middle of traffic and see if he’ll do it again. Right?

Matt (01:28:13):

That’s exactly what she should do. And it would work over and over again.

Laci (01:28:18):

He knows his family is putting the pressure on him to nip this shit in the bud, get over this. We’re either going to have to move. This is trouble. I’m sure he’s being told, but on the other hand, they all are paired up and booed up and he’s been waiting for his, so there’s got to be a part of them that thinks, well, maybe this is her, but she’s a fucking teenager. Can we turn a teenager? That seems wrong. So they love Edward. They want him to find someone that he loves, but how can that happen if they’re not just going around to hospitals with people who have fucking moments to live? If that’s the rule, how does anyone find a hot babe with today’s technology and science and medicine?

Matt (01:28:58):

And as Courtney pointed out, he’s still actually just a 17-year-old and 17 year olds are dumb and inconsistent, can’t stick to a plan

Laci (01:29:05):

And don’t have good impulse control. Yes. So it’s like, okay, are we really going to fucking move over this girl, Edward? Is this how it’s going to be? So he keeps fucking up. He keeps going by her. He’s not supposed to. He needs to nip this shit in the bud. And he’s not, so he’s not mad at her. He’s mad. He fucked up again on the field trip, and that’s why he is showing off with his brothers and sisters. I’ll ride a different bus. Rosalie. See, I don’t have to be on her bus, big boy.

Matt (01:29:27):

So that night was the first night I had a dream about Edward Cullen. We’ve later find out, not a dream, he just comes into a room and watches are totally cool, totally normal, but they’re talking again at school the next day, and he does a little trick, a hacky sack trick with an apple. And he’s like, listen, I said, I don’t want to be friends with you or we shouldn’t be friends, but I actually want to be friends, so why don’t you tell me what you think is going on with me? Tell me what you think. I’m like, tell me why you think I’m special. And she’s like, are you a radioactive de get bitten by a radio actor spider? And then he has such a line. He’s like, no, that’s a superhero thing. What if I’m not the hero? What if I’m the bad guy?

Courtney (01:30:04):

I think I know. Please be the bad guy. Please. The goals.

Matt (01:30:07):

I think at another point he says, you’d stay away from me if you were smart. If he

Laci (01:30:11):

Knew I was Mormon.

Rose (01:30:12):

He

Matt (01:30:12):

Knows exactly what he’s fucking doing.

Rose (01:30:15):

Yeah, a hundred percent. He knows what he is doing.

Matt (01:30:17):

So she’s like, Hey, will you come surfing with me at LA Push? And he’s like, no, it’s too crowded at la. Push.

Rose (01:30:23):

It

Speaker 5 (01:30:24):

Smells like, dog.

Courtney (01:30:25):

Let’s put that into context. I love how it, he’s like, what if I’m a villain? You should stay away from me if you are smart. And she’s like, so do you want to hang out? Do you want to hang out? Yeah. Not smart. Not smart.

Matt (01:30:40):

No, exactly.

Laci (01:30:43):

I hate when you give me slides. Okay. All right. Now they’re at LA Push, the most depressing fucking beach I’ve ever seen in my life. And I guess she feels like she invited Edward because she seems bummed that he didn’t show up where I didn’t really get the hint that he was going to be attending Bella. They’re all doing stupid Seattle shit. Is it Seattle? No, Washington. Shit. Might as well let’s, it’s cold. Let’s get in the water. But this is a good opportunity to learn some lore. So she’s got nothing else to do. So let’s hang out with Jacob. He’s always there to fill in that gap. And this is where we understand ish, where Jacob is on his understanding of these things. He says, he’s saying all of it kind of like, isn’t it silly that we think that years ago they were beasts, and I don’t really, anyway, she hasn’t started Googling yet, so he’s our Google right now.

Matt (01:31:40):

Yeah. He explains like, I’m from the Kuts and did you know we’re supposedly descended from wolves? From

Laci (01:31:46):

Wolves. Now

Matt (01:31:47):

With

Laci (01:31:47):

Bella, keep up.

Matt (01:31:48):

Kuts are real people who were not thrilled with Stephanie Meyer being like, no, I did a ton of research and I decided you’re going to be werewolves in my story. Totally cool.

Rose (01:31:59):

Imagine name checking real people,

Laci (01:32:02):

A real truck.

Rose (01:32:03):

Real, real people

Laci (01:32:04):

Make up a try. How hard is that?

Rose (01:32:06):

It’s giving them new lore.

Laci (01:32:09):

It’s going to be the only thing people know about them.

Matt (01:32:11):

So he says, my great grandfather, the chief found the cullins hunting on our land, but they claimed to be something different.

Laci (01:32:17):

Something different.

Matt (01:32:18):

So we made a treaty with them. If they stayed off our lands, we wouldn’t expose them to the pale faces.

Laci (01:32:22):

No, we wouldn’t expose them as pale faces.

Matt (01:32:24):

We wouldn’t expose them to the pale faces. The pale faces are,

Laci (01:32:28):

I just assumed pale face was a empire

Matt (01:32:31):

In the book. This is much longer. Annie explains how they are different. And I think the movie’s eliminating that so that it can keep making you think that Edward is killing people. And that’s another reason why she can’t be with Edward, because he’s a goddamn murderer.

Laci (01:32:45):

She’s cool with it. She’s already made up her mom. She be with it

Matt (01:32:48):

Anyway. Yeah, this is just,

Laci (01:32:51):

I’d be cool with it. I would too. Just

Matt (01:32:52):

Giant info dump. Oh yeah. Later when Edward says to her, I wanted to kill you. You can hear her getting hornier by

Laci (01:33:00):

This. Oh, bad. Tell me

Matt (01:33:02):

More.

Laci (01:33:03):

Yeah, you wouldn’t date these other bitches, but you’d kill me. Stop it. It’s

Rose (01:33:06):

Like, wait, this whole time you’ve lived here, you’ve never once committed homicide. And then I come in,

Laci (01:33:11):

Oh God, my God. I’m not like other humans. I smell.

Courtney (01:33:16):

So I’m like special.

Laci (01:33:18):

You’re saying, turn me out. Okay. And now we go to another weird jerky scene where it’s some kind of hunter hunting the town’s folk. But now we see that it’s other vampires. We see the redhead and the guy with no shirt, and then the other guy with no shirt.

Matt (01:33:40):

Yeah. Did

Laci (01:33:41):

I sum it that? And

Matt (01:33:41):

They kill him. They kill him on a boat, and then Bella’s back at her house and she does a Google search for Quis and then finds out, I love this. She’s looking, and it’s like, Ooh, a book is available. Do you want to order it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble Borders or the bookstore in Port Angeles, Washington. That’s 10 miles from your house. And she’s like, Ooh, that one, please.

Rose (01:33:59):

Why you even click it? This was before Amazon Prime where you could get things overnighted. She would’ve had to wait at, she would’ve had to wait seven to 10 business days. And I don’t think she has that time.

Laci (01:34:11):

She was doing the most American thing. She was doing the thing that would get it to her at the fastest. It’s just slow now.

Matt (01:34:17):

Yes. Hate to hate to be this guy. But Amazon Prime definitely was the thing in 2008. I had it. I was a very proud Amazon prescrip.

Laci (01:34:25):

But she’s in Forks.

Matt (01:34:26):

Yeah. Well, Amazon, Amazon’s a Washington based company, right?

Rose (01:34:30):

Not up there.

Matt (01:34:31):

Nope. The next day,

Rose (01:34:33):

I think if you would’ve been Novela, you would’ve just never left your house. You would’ve dropped out of school the first day that he

Laci (01:34:40):

Acted

Rose (01:34:40):

Like you Stak. And then you just stayed home and googled everything and ordered all the materials to your house, and nothing bad ever happened. And the movie’s 20 minutes long.

Matt (01:34:48):

Bella is also, she’s a bookstore person. She loves the magic of a bookstore, wants to go caress the spines likes the smell of the bookstore.

Laci (01:34:55):

You’re adding this.

Matt (01:34:57):

I’m adding this on. That’s true. In the book, one of her other characteristics, she has two characteristics, one clumsy, two reads, books loves books. Right.

Laci (01:35:05):

She’s Belle.

Matt (01:35:06):

She is like Bell. Yes.

Laci (01:35:07):

She’s Belle. Yeah.

Matt (01:35:09):

And Edward isn’t at school. And Anna Kendrick’s like, yeah, because the weather’s nice. When the weather’s nice, the cullins get pulled out of school to go hiking

Laci (01:35:16):

And shit. Like a ditch. No, their parents fucking take them out and sun ’em up. That’s not strange. That’s neat.

Matt (01:35:24):

And Anna Kendrick wants to go shopping in Port Angeles for prom. So Bella tags along

Laci (01:35:28):

Because she wants that book

Matt (01:35:29):

Two Port Angeles, so she can go to the bookstore.

Laci (01:35:31):

Port Angeles, the most dangerous town in all of America. The home of gang rape.

Matt (01:35:36):

That’s right.

Laci (01:35:37):

Where they look, they shop in the windows of prom, dress places, pick out the sexiest rape victim. And then

Matt (01:35:44):

You

Laci (01:35:45):

Guessed it,

Matt (01:35:45):

When we went to Port Angels, Laci got excited. She’s like, this is from Twilight two. It’s

Laci (01:35:49):

All here.

Matt (01:35:50):

It’s all happening. There’s a little shopping montage that they also have in 13, very similar. Is it a montage? Yes. I dunno. And the two girls that keep asking Bella her opinion, she’s like, it’s good. It’s good. And they’re like, you always say that. Why do they like Bella? She doesn’t seem to, they’re

Rose (01:36:08):

Only three girls. Yeah. It’s very confusing because Bella, she doesn’t seem very interested in literally anyone. She barely

Laci (01:36:15):

Mel. The problem with pretty people, if you’re pretty, you just probably are interesting. They’re just waiting for it to come out. It’s like, no, no, there’s nothing else here. But she makes a joke every now and then. She doesn’t like anybody. So if she shows any interest in any of ’em, they’re like, oh, yay. It’s a Bella day for me.

Matt (01:36:30):

She’s so blank that you can project things onto her. You’d be like, no, she really likes me.

Laci (01:36:36):

Right. I speak Bella. I think

Matt (01:36:39):

She goes and buys the Quis book and then gets accosted by a gang of rapey thugs, ported Angelinos, the most dangerous guy. Their

Laci (01:36:45):

Plan. They’re

Matt (01:36:46):

Like, Hey, sister, you looking for a good time? And she’s like, stay away from me. And then room, vroom Edwards zooms in

Laci (01:36:53):

The fastest car imaginable

Matt (01:36:54):

In the fastest Nissan Altima. And he’s like,

Laci (01:36:58):

It’s a Volvo.

Matt (01:36:59):

Yeah, it’s a Volvo. And then it’s

Laci (01:37:02):

A Fiat.

Matt (01:37:03):

He jumps out of the car and stares at them, and they’re like, whoa, man. And they all run away.

Laci (01:37:07):

I figured he took his fangs out or something. What was he doing? He’s just projecting

Matt (01:37:12):

Mean. Yes. Did a mean stare. And they all run away and he gets into the car and he says, distract me Bella, or else I’ll go fucking murder him. Oh,

Laci (01:37:20):

Good. Also, he doesn’t put her seatbelt on her, and he’s driving like that. Not cool, man.

Matt (01:37:27):

In the book, he literally says, talk about something unimportant to distract me, the things you like to talk about little girl. So yeah. Yeah. They go meet up with Angela and chess, but Edward’s there, they both swoon and giggle. And then Edward and Bella can have their little dinner date where he’s like, you have to eat. You have to eat. I’m not going to eat anything You eat. Go to eat something. He starts explaining some things he can read. Mines, I can read everybody’s mind in this restaurant.

Laci (01:37:57):

Sex, money, sex, cat,

Matt (01:37:59):

Cats, except yours. I can’t read your mind. You’re just that goddamn special.

Laci (01:38:04):

She should have said sex, money, cat in that order.

Matt (01:38:08):

I like Lac Laci said, at this moment, he can’t read her mind, nothing in there. It’s just the monkey with the organ grinder.

Laci (01:38:16):

It’s like the Lego movie. The reason he’s a master builder is because his mind is a blank space.

Matt (01:38:21):

Yes. There’s just nothing there. And he explains like, yeah, I’ve been following you, but only because I feel protective of you. I was going to keep a distance unless you needed help, but I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.

Laci (01:38:33):

So now this is your life. Enjoy it. Yay. She gets a ride home. This is like a fucking teenager dream. Just like, oh no, we have to be together more. Oh my God. I’m just like, oh, he’s going to drive her home, but there’s an emergency at the emergency station. And what

Matt (01:38:49):

Are those police doing at the police station?

Laci (01:38:51):

Right. Let’s go investigate. Right. Why is there sirens on at the police station? And they find out that the creepy man from the diner has been killed. And now there’s a knowing look between, because Carlisle was there for some reason, and Edward, he was killed by a beast, so they understand shit. We had to go talk vampire stuff over here, ditch the mortal. And so he’s like, Bella, your dad knew that man for a long time. He probably need you right now. So she goes in there and it’s actually a very sweet scene. She’s just,

Matt (01:39:30):

It’s so lovely. It’s just a proximity. They don’t say anything. They just kind of hold hands. And then eventually he’s like, oh, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to kill that gush darn animal. And he gives her some bear mace to carry around. Well,

Laci (01:39:43):

I mean, he lives in a peaceful town for a long time. His daughter comes finally and he’s getting to be a dad, and now it’s turning into a fucking murderous. Yeah. He’s sad for his friend, but he’s like, I’m going to get them. I mean, he’s scared. He’s brought his kid to, this just isn’t the thing. He was picturing when she was going to come live with him.

Matt (01:40:00):

When Bella sees the corpse getting wheeled away, then she gets this flash of the Cullen. She’s like, maybe Cullen’s did this. Oh no, I’ll go Google. Google. So she does the most helpful Google ever. She just types in the word vampire and then gets all the information she could ever need. Super strength, cold skin, blood drinking. I love a Google montage in a vampire movie. You got to have it. We

Courtney (01:40:21):

Back up to how her friends were just going to fucking leave her in Port Angeles.

Matt (01:40:26):

Well, I think Edward speaks to them and they just lose all.

Courtney (01:40:32):

Yeah, because

Matt (01:40:33):

Decision making ability.

Courtney (01:40:34):

Well, they went and ate without her. They were on their way to the car. That’s what she means. That’s

Laci (01:40:39):

Her ride. Right. They probably were going to ride around and look around for her. I mean,

Matt (01:40:44):

Again, they don’t like Bella that much. They’re like, she’s like this weird girl who, I don’t know. She could disappear.

Rose (01:40:49):

Maybe that was the plan all along to leave her there so that they didn’t have competition because all the boys, these girls like Bella,

Laci (01:40:57):

They went to rape city and told her to go do something on her own. You’re so smart. That’s what it is.

Matt (01:41:02):

Yeah. Yeah. It’s like Garfield mailing a, is it normal to Abu Dhabi? Yeah.

Laci (01:41:07):

No idea what the fuck you’re talking about. Alright, so Google montage

Courtney (01:41:10):

And

Speaker 6 (01:41:11):

Midnight

Courtney (01:41:12):

Son, Edward tells Bella how Jessica was just talking headless shit in her head about Bella when he got there. Yeah.

Matt (01:41:21):

Does Edward do a Google search?

Laci (01:41:24):

Shut up. He just goes, no, Edward mine. Edward doesn’t Google.

Matt (01:41:29):

Yeah. He runs it in his mind. So then the next day at school, Bella gets Edward to follow him into the woods and she’s like,

Laci (01:41:40):

She’s had enough.

Matt (01:41:42):

Yeah, your hand is cold. You talk like you’re from a different time. You referenced this all new dance craze, the Charleston, and come on, how old are you? 17. How long have you been 17?

Laci (01:41:56):

A

Speaker 6 (01:41:56):

While. A while.

Matt (01:41:57):

And the camera is just going nuts. It’s just swooping all around them.

Laci (01:42:01):

I think there’s vampires watching them for the, because that is the S reminiscent of those scenes who’s in the forest. Look at

Matt (01:42:07):

That. Yes. They could be there at any time. And I know what you are. Love that scene.

Rose (01:42:12):

That scene is very, I love it. It definitely is a payoff to all the tension that’s been building and building and building. Especially if, again, if you’re watching this having no idea what’s going to happen and you think is he with those vampires that are killing people?

Speaker 6 (01:42:28):

All

Rose (01:42:28):

These things are happening simultaneously and you’re alone in the woods with him.

Laci (01:42:35):

I think she’s at this point where she’s like, I either want him to kill me or just tell me he doesn’t like me. I either am going to end up walking out of these woods, his girlfriend or dead, and I’ll take either one because I can’t live like this.

Matt (01:42:48):

I know what you are. Say it,

Laci (01:42:50):

Say it,

Matt (01:42:50):

Bitch. Say it out loud. Say it. Tell me you’re a vampire. He’s like, are you afraid? No. Then ask me the most basic question, what do we eat? And then he

Laci (01:43:00):

Pussy

Matt (01:43:00):

Puts her on top of his back and we get the first fast motion running. I remembered it looking a lot worse than it actually does. It looks not that terrible in this

Laci (01:43:10):

Movie. It’s been MeMed in that. I think the meme makes it worse.

Matt (01:43:13):

Maybe it’s worse in the

Courtney (01:43:14):

Sink. Well, he makes it sound like he’s getting ready to show her a body. He’s like, you need to see what I look like in the sun. And it’s like a glitter. I fucking love that. You want to see it? How did you expect this

Laci (01:43:26):

To go? Right? Girls love sparkles. You thought I was going to be like,

Matt (01:43:32):

Yeah, I know. It’s like you wouldn’t like me. I’m gorgeous. Gorgeous and super hot and just I can run real fast. I’m a monster.

Laci (01:43:42):

That’s why Courtney’s mug is so funny.

Matt (01:43:44):

He goes out into the sunline and shows her I sparkle and shimmer. Oh my God,

Laci (01:43:49):

I need that mug.

Matt (01:43:50):

And she says, it’s like diamonds. You are beautiful. This is the skin of a killer, Bella.

Speaker 5 (01:43:55):

I’m disgusting,

Matt (01:43:56):

But we’re different. We’re not like the other guys. We don’t eat humans. We only eat animals. But I want to kill you. I haven’t wanted to kill someone in a long time, but I want to kill you. And she’s like, I don’t care

Courtney (01:44:10):

If Carlisle is the, she’s like, you won’t hurt me.

Laci (01:44:13):

Right? It’s like she’s manifesting her destiny. She’s like, no, you won’t hurt me.

Rose (01:44:19):

Her blood is cocaine to him,

Laci (01:44:22):

Which

Rose (01:44:22):

It doesn’t sound like he’s ever done cocaine. I feel like, what?

Laci (01:44:26):

How would he know?

Rose (01:44:27):

Maybe he ate a deep dish pizza one day and he was like, oh, this is it. He’s like, your blood is like that.

Matt (01:44:34):

No, but no, no. Rose when he was still immortal. Cocaine was a medicine. You went to the local drugist and you got yourself some cocaine or some heroin.

Laci (01:44:41):

They tried to heal it. Good for what? Yeah, that’s true. Very likely he’s done it.

Matt (01:44:48):

Their family is different. Their clan is different. They don’t

Laci (01:44:51):

Want to, that was my question. If Carlisle is who turned him, and Carlisle is the one that started the whole vegetarian thing. Why is it that Edwards killed a person before and has eaten blood The normal way implied is, that is a vegetarian now.

Matt (01:45:05):

Yeah. He didn’t always have so much control over it.

Laci (01:45:08):

So he is killed a couple. He had a dark moment.

Rose (01:45:10):

He had a dark moment. And they explained it in midnight sun. They

Laci (01:45:13):

Explained

Rose (01:45:13):

He has, and I wish it was truly, I really hate when they try to save the viewer or reader from experiencing the protagonist doing any actual bad things

Speaker 5 (01:45:24):

Because

Rose (01:45:24):

You learn that he’s only actually killed bad people. And it’s like, come on. Oh, that sucks. That’s, yeah. Kill like a mom. Okay. Maybe not a mom, but a dude like a dad. Someone who kind of deserves it, but not super. Someone who just cut you off in traffic or something.

Laci (01:45:40):

And then you’re

Rose (01:45:40):

Like, okay, it’s kind of justified, but not really.

Matt (01:45:44):

Did the Cullins fight in World War ii? Do we know this?

Courtney (01:45:49):

He’s like, I’m a monster Bella. I’ve murdered people. And she’s like, oh, it’s okay. It’s fine. He’s like, I’ve murdered murderers and rapists.

Laci (01:45:59):

She’s

Courtney (01:46:00):

Like, oh. Oh, okay.

Laci (01:46:01):

That’s

Courtney (01:46:03):

Exciting. That’s

Laci (01:46:03):

Double. So you’re like the cop, please. My dad’s a cop, so that’s hot.

Matt (01:46:11):

Yeah. The thing about you is you’re different. You’re so special. You have no idea. You’re smell. It’s like a drug to me. You’re like my personal brand of heroin. I hate you for making you want you so badly. I’m afraid I won’t be able to control myself around you. And he’s like physically towering over her. He corners her at one point, pins her to a tree, and then she says, now I’m afraid, but the only thing I’m afraid of is losing you. I feel like you’re going to disappear. I love that line. I feel like you’re going to disappear.

Rose (01:46:40):

Well, yeah, and I guess it’s foreshadowing for what happens in the next book, but then also it’s a little cringe too. It feels like they’ve only just started to have romantic undertones. He’s just started to open up to you and then you’re immediately, I hope I don’t lose you.

Matt (01:46:58):

I read it as more like, he’s so dreamlike. He feels so elusive. I can’t grab my head around you.

Laci (01:47:04):

Well, he keeps disappearing

Matt (01:47:05):

And you keep literally disappearing from

Laci (01:47:06):

School. From school, right. Okay. I’m just starting to get a handle around this. We’re starting to connect and understand each other. You’re just going to disappear again.

Matt (01:47:16):

And my life’s been a little chaotic. And yeah, I’m just accustomed. I’m accustomed to good things going away. And so yeah,

Rose (01:47:26):

In midnight’s son, he’s trying to scare her because again, this is Stephanie Meyer retroactively trying to explain it. And so in midnight’s son, his reasoning for being so intense in the scene is that he wants to scare her to where she just leaves and leaves him alone.

Laci (01:47:43):

That’s why when she says, now I’m scared, he says, good, he’s disappointed. But it is what he was trying to do all

Matt (01:47:48):

Well, midnight sun’s not canon to me. He knows what he’s doing. He knows how much this is working for her. She’s like, the lion fell in love with the lamb. What a stupid lamb. What a masochistic lion

Courtney (01:48:02):

With his advanced hearing and sense of smell, he can probably smell

Matt (01:48:07):

Moisture

Laci (01:48:08):

That

Courtney (01:48:08):

She’s what?

Matt (01:48:09):

Oh, no. Yes. And yeah, it’s a feedback loop. The more he smells it, the more

Laci (01:48:13):

We’re going on. Primal instinct. Now, I can’t read your mind. I can read your panties. And

Matt (01:48:18):

Again, 50 shades of gray started as twilight. And it is because of scenes like this where you’re like, just take the subtext and make it text and give you what Stephanie Meyer is denying you, which is just hardcore BDS in between these two. Because this is the story of a woman who wants to get domed but doesn’t have the language to ask for that. So what happens next, Lisa? Alright,

Laci (01:48:36):

Well now we understand the backstory of the family because I guess they’re getting to know each other. And so he explains that Carlisle only takes people who are near death. It’s the only choice and they have to want it, I think. And that Edward was first and then EZ May is not the name of that person. I

Matt (01:48:58):

Don’t remember the order.

Laci (01:48:59):

Oh, it doesn’t matter. But

Rose (01:49:02):

Yeah, so Carlisle is essentially a cult leader is what this reads as He is a vampire. He wanted to be a different kind of vampire that didn’t exist.

Laci (01:49:12):

He needs his children.

Rose (01:49:14):

He decided to create

Laci (01:49:16):

Vampires

Rose (01:49:17):

Could then manipulate because it really is manipulative when you think about it because all of these vampires owe him their life

Laci (01:49:25):

Because

Rose (01:49:25):

He saved all of them.

Laci (01:49:27):

That is such a good point. He can indoctrinate them however he wants, which is the point, is the reason why you have a flock and you get ’em while they’re young and he’s denying them what is the most natural thing that they could want, a k, a sex or whatever. And he’s saying, no, no, we’re a no fab family. None of us will be pleasuring ourselves. No, you can just have just enough to take off the edge and then live miserably with the rest of your siblings. So we’re just getting, I mean, they’re finally talking. So now the floodgates are open and I don’t remember what else I’m supposed to say on this side side. Well,

Matt (01:50:04):

He explains, when we taste a drop of human blood, it unleashes a frenzy. It’s almost impossible to stop. It’s like a baby with breast milk. Honestly, if you’ve ever experienced this, a baby will go nuts. The

Laci (01:50:16):

Fuck are you talking about?

Matt (01:50:17):

Well, vampire with blood.

Laci (01:50:18):

That’s not what babies are like with otherwise. Breastfeeding would be easy as shit

Matt (01:50:22):

Right away. It was with our baby.

Laci (01:50:23):

No, it fucking was.

Matt (01:50:24):

Yes it was. He went nuts. He did

Laci (01:50:26):

Anyway,

Matt (01:50:26):

And the only way you could calm him down was with breast milk. But until then,

Laci (01:50:29):

Okay, that’s different. I just mean right away babies are not naturally good with the breast milk and the titty.

Matt (01:50:33):

Okay, fine.

Laci (01:50:33):

Okay.

Matt (01:50:34):

But our family, we’re vegetarians basically. And the Mormon thing is so evident now. We’re not like other Christians. By the way. I want you to meet my family tomorrow. And she’s like, what if they don’t like me? And this is when his British really comes out and he’s like, so you’re worried that not because it’s a house full of vampires, but because you think they won’t like you.

Laci (01:50:54):

She’s so different. She’s insecure. No one’s like that. I

Matt (01:50:58):

Got to say the conservative Christian thing bothers me a lot less than the sort of prosperity gospel element of the cullins. It’s like when you become a member of our clan, you also get super rich and get to live in luxury. And that’s the part that’s a little, I don’t know, that’s my least favorite part of it. That

Rose (01:51:16):

They’re

Laci (01:51:16):

Rich. Well,

Rose (01:51:17):

Yeah, because the other vampires don’t seem to have wealth. The bad guy vampires here, they seem like nomads. They’re just kind of,

Laci (01:51:25):

And that is because it’s the ones who make roots like the Catholic church. They are stationary. They can stand there and build wealth and community and power, and that is what Carlisle wants. He wants to stop plant roots, get his own flock. I think the natural way of vampires due to people starting to catch on what you are is you do have to keep moving unless you find a way to stay. So he’s been able to gain wealth and pool their wealth, and so he probably does have more money than your average vampire and is going to be a threat to the Vatican.

Matt (01:52:04):

Just if you read this as Stephanie Meyer trying to pitch people on Mormonism, it’s like if you believe these things are inherent goods in of themselves, that should be enough. Why do you have to add on this element of also, you’ll be super rich if you become a Mormon. That’s the part I don’t like.

Laci (01:52:16):

Well, the riches of the afterlife. She’s showing you all these things that they’re otherworldly. You don’t understand all the benefits you’d have because you’re of this mind. You can’t help it. You’re a human. You don’t understand. You can’t perceive what we have because we know the truth. So they just have to show it in dumb human brain terms, money.

Matt (01:52:37):

There’s also sort of just the fairytale element of we’ve selected you. You’re so special and

Laci (01:52:42):

Chosen.

Matt (01:52:42):

Now we get to elevate you up. You get to come into the castle with us. And by the way, we’re cooking a meal for you. We love you that much.

Laci (01:52:50):

They’re all just kind of feeling each other out. I mean, Rosalie is still not on board. The guys never look comfortable anyway. It’s just step one of any awkward young romance, let’s go. I don’t know. I live in this house with these parents, so let’s go there now. Come see my room. It smells weird. And then let’s do stuff at the house and then I’m going to take you home. It’s just an awkward fucking teenage meet the parents moment. That’s it. Well,

Matt (01:53:18):

This is important. We find out. He loves music, A very important part of his character. She looks in his CD collection, he loves music. And apparently she does too. She knows opera too.

Speaker 5 (01:53:29):

No, she doesn’t.

Matt (01:53:30):

And then he takes her out into some trees of the thing with all the graduation caps, which is creepy as hell. And eventually they just start slow dancing like freaks in his room.

Laci (01:53:43):

No, they do a bunch of tree exploring and staring at each other and stuff. It’s really sweet. I’m just saying,

Matt (01:53:49):

I meant to look up. Did they actually put these two actors up in a tree like that?

Laci (01:53:51):

It looks like they looks

Matt (01:53:52):

That looked real. Yeah.

Laci (01:53:53):

Yeah.

Rose (01:53:54):

Can we talk about the score in this movie, the soundtrack that goes throughout the entire movie? So the Ah, you do it. You do it. You’re the singer. Wait,

Laci (01:54:09):

I can’t, the only song that stands out to me is the one that they play at the end. I think that’s also their wedding song, right? The slow dancing song that they play.

Rose (01:54:18):

Oh yeah.

Laci (01:54:19):

I think I’ve only ever heard that song in the context of these movies. But wait, I want to understand what Rose is saying. I can’t even, no.

Rose (01:54:26):

Do you know which one I’m talking about? The UA song? You know

Laci (01:54:30):

I’m talking about Courtney

Rose (01:54:31):

The Ha.

Laci (01:54:36):

No, nothing. I dunno. As soon as I hear it, I’ll be like, oh, okay. But I’m trying to think of it. When we play it out,

Rose (01:54:43):

The movie, it’s in the very first scene and then it’s just a motif throughout the movie. It’s like a haunting melody.

Matt (01:54:51):

I listened to the whole score this morning. There’s not that many tracks on it. There’s just a lot of soundtrack songs that play and a lot of it that sounds like it’s diegetic in the movie. It’s playing out of car speakers and stuff, which was also the case with 13. There’s just always music playing.

Laci (01:55:07):

But

Matt (01:55:08):

Yeah, this is one of the moments in the score. I just don’t remember the specific moment from the score. No,

Laci (01:55:11):

No. But Rose is saying it is like the theme song to the movie. They just keep putting it in and she’s like, it’s so out of, it doesn’t feel like the right, it takes you out.

Rose (01:55:22):

No, I feel like it’s perfect. I feel like it adds to the atmosphere. It must because I didn’t notice. It’s funny that you guys, it didn’t resonate with you guys. I feel like it’s so good.

Laci (01:55:33):

I’m sure I love it.

Rose (01:55:34):

Need twilight,

Laci (01:55:35):

God Damnit

Matt (01:55:37):

Edward comes into her room at night and reveals he’s been watching her sleep for months. I like watching you sleep. It’s very fascinating

Laci (01:55:43):

To me. Fascinating. That’s not the word. Say that it’s sweet and no, he says that. I’m saying don’t say that to me. I don’t know what I do in my sleep. So say that. It’s very serene.

Matt (01:55:54):

You suck your thumb

Laci (01:55:55):

Sweet. Anything but fascinating.

Matt (01:55:58):

And then he tries, let me try something on you. And he kisses her, but don’t leave. It’s

Laci (01:56:02):

Hot. It’s a fucking hot ass

Matt (01:56:03):

Kiss film, very erotically. Katherine Hardwick knows how to shoot this stuff, and then she pulls him down and is like, all right, let’s do this. And he jumps away and he’s like, no, I’m a monster.

Laci (01:56:13):

But it is maybe a subtle or not subtle, but I feel the shame he shames her and she shames herself. She wants it too much. Yeah, they really flip it when she’s in her underwear. He’s fully clothed, but he came into her fucking bedroom in the middle of the night.

Matt (01:56:29):

Yes.

Laci (01:56:30):

I’m just saying they do a good job of making her look like she did that.

Rose (01:56:33):

Yeah, no, it is. The implication is you are so tempting that you make it dangerous for me to be around you, but it’s not. I lack self-control and I lack practice of resisting things that I like. It’s no, it’s you are, you’re

Laci (01:56:54):

The problem.

Rose (01:56:54):

You’re a temptress. I’m going to hell. Because basically,

Laci (01:56:58):

Exactly, which is the message of religion. We are meant to be the breaks. They are the gas. We’re supposed to understand the nature of men, and then we’re supposed to help them stay godly, stay right with God, walk their path. That is what we’re taught in fucking Sunday school and shit. You are very aware of your powers as a fucking woman and these horny ass men. So yeah, no, Bella is meant to look like a problem. She won’t get out of his face, not just here constantly.

Matt (01:57:26):

And she can’t. He will literally come into her bedroom and put himself in her face and then why are you tempting me? God. Then we have the montage, we mentioned where they start to bond over how much they have in common, but we don’t hear anything that they say to each other. Next day Charlie is cleaning his gun and Bella’s like, Hey dad, I’m dating Edward, by the way. And he cocks it and he’s like, all right, bring him in. Which is great. He’s taking Bella off to play baseball with the family. And now the classic vampire baseball sequence. Truly, when I watched this movie for the first time, my jaw was on the floor. What is this movie they’re playing? Baseball Muse is playing. They can only play baseball during thunderstorms because of the noise or something. You’re

Laci (01:58:10):

On a remote fucking cliff up in the mountains. Just do that The hell. How loud is this? They’ll just think it’s a thunderstorm, guys.

Matt (01:58:17):

But here’s the thing, they’re all fast and strong. So you’ve never seen baseball like this.

Laci (01:58:21):

I honestly think this is the most dangerous thing they do with Bella. They’re throwing the ball willy-nilly at any kind of point of contact to Bella of any of the things they’re doing in that bitch is dead. So I get why they can’t have a human around.

Matt (01:58:33):

Regular baseball is dangerous enough

Laci (01:58:36):

And she’s the umpire and make her stay in the car.

Matt (01:58:41):

But they’re all old fogey, so that’s why they like baseball. Baseball’s the hip, ITT new thing there days.

Rose (01:58:48):

Okay, I love this scene, the baseball scene. I feel it injects a much needed playfulness

Speaker 6 (01:58:54):

And

Rose (01:58:54):

Fun to the movie because up until this point, everything is so serious and grim and he’s going to kill you. And there’s someone out there hunting humans and teenage angst and unrealized sexuality. And then it’s like, Hey, America’s sport, but toned up to a hundred.

Laci (01:59:11):

And we don’t see any perks of being a vampire really. Until right now. We don’t know that the family’s happy. They seem miserable now. They’re actually like, okay, we get it, you guys hanging out with each other. But it is that thing of finally they’re all having a good time together and then the worst fucking thing happens. It’s like we just have something nice. It’s such a bummer. I mean, the fact that this changes all of their lives immediately, it’s like this is why we can’t just go fucking bringing humans around. Edward, we were telling you this. It is a bummer.

Matt (01:59:43):

And it being a conservative movie, they’re showing you these are American vampires. They love baseball.

Laci (01:59:49):

Okay, well, so these other vampires that then walk up with, they’re shirts off and shit. We’re supposed to, those

Matt (01:59:56):

Are European vampires.

Laci (01:59:58):

No, no, no. Euro trash. I mean in the terms of the Mormon metaphor,

Matt (02:00:01):

Those are just mainstream Christians. Those are Protestants, those are Catholics,

Laci (02:00:05):

Vaga bands, Al okay.

Matt (02:00:07):

And

Laci (02:00:07):

They like to eat. They

Matt (02:00:09):

Don’t believe that Jesus was born in America and that new J baseball, they don’t like baseball. They prefer soccer. They call it football. It’s gross.

Laci (02:00:19):

But what would Bella be to them? Why do they want to destroy her?

Matt (02:00:22):

Why

Laci (02:00:22):

Don’t they want to convert her?

Rose (02:00:23):

Would be she’s a human. So I will tell you this, I feel like this scene when the bad guys come out of the forest and all of the cullins get very weird because they know that they have a human with them. It’s hard to understand. In the movie, I felt like it wasn’t done right in the movie because it just seems so over the top and weird. They have this confrontation that’s not really a confrontation. And then they both go their separate ways. But Edward’s freaking out and Edwin’s acting like the world is ending and you’re just like, what happened? You don’t understand.

Matt (02:01:00):

And then Bella afterwards, wait a minute, what was that? And then Edward has to explain everything, but you’re so right.

Laci (02:01:07):

I

Matt (02:01:07):

Definitely didn’t understand this when it was happening. And just so it gets so weird, they come out of the fog in this music video pose, which I love, but then they all get into their battle poses and it’s like, ah, we won’t fight today, but we’ll do it another time. And I was like, what? Okay. The movie’s now shifted again into a totally different movie,

Rose (02:01:29):

But it gives you, go ahead. It is a completely different movie at this point too. And there’s only three of them. You’re telling me the Cullins can’t take these guys on.

Laci (02:01:36):

Oh, they’re going to take them on. But I realize it is a risk to do it in your hometown where you’re trying not to be fucking vampires. I guess they could have tried to kill him right here, but mainly they would be short Edward with Bella and I don’t know, I think they’ve probably been decades since they’ve had to deal with something like this. And this is exactly why. It’s like, unless you are sure this is your life, mate, let’s not even make a best friend. Okay? This is a fucking hassle. We will always be putting humans in danger because we are not humans.

Rose (02:02:11):

It just occurred to me too that because they’re vegetarian vampires, this is mentioned in the books because they’re vegetarian vampires, they’re weaker, they’re not as strong as the ones eating the blood.

Laci (02:02:21):

And they’re a threat to these people who do eat people. If they understand what they’re doing, they’re going to not be supported by their own kind either. So they’re in this no man’s land. They aren’t supported by their own and not of course not by humans.

Matt (02:02:37):

So Edward explains, you don’t understand that guy James. He’s a tracker. He’s the best in the world. Once he’s got your scent, he’ll never ever stop. He’s the terminator, basically. We’re fucked. The only thing we can do is kill him. We have to kill him and burn his body parts.

Laci (02:02:53):

Or else you get a little hand vampire, a little leg vampire.

Matt (02:02:56):

Yes, exactly. But what to do about Charlie because they’re going to go look for Bella at her home and she has to go Tell Charlie, she said, I broke up with Edward and Charlie is like sputtering. He doesn’t know what to say. He is like, but I thought that you all liked him.

Laci (02:03:12):

I mean, imagine it from his perspective. You’ve just met him for the first time. You’re going on your first date and you come back wanting to leave the fucking state. What the fuck did he do to you?

Matt (02:03:22):

And he is like trying his best. He’s not equipped to handle this situation, but he’s very gracious about, he’s like, okay, I know you want to leave. I’ll drive you to the airport tomorrow. Just think about it tonight. And she’s like, no, fuck you. And he says, it breaks my heart. He says, I know I’m not that much fun to be around, but we’ll start doing more stuff together. And then she has to really stick, kick them in the balls sticks as what will we even do? You’re boring and you just like the Mariners on television and Oh, I just got you back. He says, and she said, yeah, if I stay here now, I’ll never leave. I’ll be just like, mom.

Laci (02:03:58):

At least she blames that part on the boy. At least she’s like, look, I’m falling for him. I now realize what this means for me. I don’t want to stay here. I don’t want to be trapped here. Like mom, it was a smart thing to come up with in the moment. It’s

Rose (02:04:10):

Plausible, but my god’s going for below the belts.

Laci (02:04:13):

It’s

Rose (02:04:13):

So sad.

Matt (02:04:14):

And I think he plays it with just the right amount of heartbreak confusion and keeps it subdued at the same time.

Laci (02:04:22):

Because what can he do? And

Matt (02:04:23):

Because this time I was viewing the movie, I think their relationship is actually the core of this movie at least. And this decision to really break his heart. I was shocked when we watched it that we don’t see them reconcile in the hospital. I was so sure that scene would be in there and it wasn’t, which really surprises me. I feel like that’s what the audience wants to see.

Laci (02:04:44):

At least clear that up. Or do they, I can’t remember if it happens

Matt (02:04:47):

In the

Laci (02:04:48):

Next off screen.

Matt (02:04:48):

It’s just off screen. It’s like, yeah, he forgave me or whatever. I don’t know. It’s like, no, no, we need to see that. Yeah,

Rose (02:04:53):

It is off screen. But also, isn’t it just so believable because teenagers have these catastrophic fights with their parents and then the parent’s like, all right, time for dinner and they never talk. That was my childhood.

Laci (02:05:05):

Or a life-threatening event that makes everything even more real. And it’s like, okay, we’re not going to fight about this thing that happened. You’re in the fucking hospital. I love you.

Matt (02:05:12):

I just want to see him forgive her or just be more on the same page.

Rose (02:05:20):

Yeah, it was really heartbreaking. I do have to say this, Stephanie Myers could have and I think would’ve if she had read more, ya Killed Charlie.

Speaker 6 (02:05:29):

It

Rose (02:05:29):

Is the most logical thing for Charlie to die because usually parental figures in YA books, especially when there’s paranormal stuff happening, you got to get the parent out of the way. Her needing to account for him is such this annoying little

Laci (02:05:44):

Roadblock

Rose (02:05:44):

In the story of having to be like, oh, now I have to come up with a story for my dad to allow me to go out of state. Yep.

Matt (02:05:52):

Yeah, I’m glad he doesn’t die. He’s my favorite part of the movies. And again, I think his energy of sort of detached and I just want to drink beer. I don’t want to think about vampires and shit. That sounds like nerd shit. I just want to watch baseball. Go do your thing, Bella. He’s

Speaker 6 (02:06:09):

So amazing.

Matt (02:06:10):

Yeah,

Speaker 6 (02:06:10):

It’s amazing.

Matt (02:06:11):

So I’m glad that it doesn’t go more ya with he gets, he’s never in actual peril. He’s the real world penetrating this movie.

Rose (02:06:19):

Right? It’s a miracle that he survives. But then also when you think about the series as a whole, Stephanie Myers didn’t have the stomach to kill anyone. Not a singular person. They all make it out at the

Laci (02:06:32):

End. You’re right. You’re right. Not even a brother or sister. I mean you can’t, that’s world ending for then you got to go find another human that’s going to be their best friend.

Rose (02:06:40):

Not even the human friends, not a single one of them. There were so many. I mean it was like, what a better way to get to Bella than James killing one of her friends. Right?

Matt (02:06:52):

Yeah. It’s a little toothless, but it’s like that’s not the series. If you’re coming here for actual bloodshed, you’re in the wrong place. Can I ask you Rose Big Twilight fan, when you saw Breaking Dawn part two, which has the final battle shows the final battle when in the book, that’s just a one sentence thing that occurs in Michael Sheen’s head. When you were watching the movie and this goes on and on and on, were you thinking, oh shit, they’re actually changing the book and making this happen? For real?

Rose (02:07:29):

100%. I was losing my mind. I went to see it with my husband who had never read the books and I was just grabbing his hand and I’m going, this didn’t happen. This didn’t happen. I was losing it. They’re not canonical. But then also we had had Alice Visions in previous movies, but they were always very different from the reality and it were very obviously visions. They would just be these quick flashes. And so for there to be this long sequence, I mean, how long was it? It felt like it went on for 10 minutes. It was really

Matt (02:08:01):

Long. It’s long. And it’s the best part of the movie. And I kind wish, I wish they just stuck with it. But it’s a fun way to troll the audience and give you the big blockbuster action spectacle and then say, Nope, just kidding. It didn’t happen. But it’d be kind of like if you found out a whole Avengers movie was just a Dr. Strange vision or something.

Rose (02:08:24):

It goes back to Stephanie Myers being kind of toothless with the series because that last book is building up to this big war that literally never happens. The movie would’ve been so lame

Matt (02:08:38):

And there were real life massacres of Mormons and massacres that Mormons participated in the 18 hundreds when that movement was coming up. Okay, well I was very curious. I read, I’ve heard of Twilight fans reacting very strongly in the moment when they saw that movie of this series that has been so faithful to the books all of a sudden deviating so far. Alright, the Cullins are at their mansion and they’re doing mission prep. Here’s what we’re going to do. Bella. You go to Phoenix with Jasper and Alice and we’ll go track ’em or whatever.

Laci (02:09:12):

Throw ’em off your scent.

Matt (02:09:14):

Yes.

Laci (02:09:14):

Everyone wear a Bella jacket.

Rose (02:09:16):

So Bella, she’s supposed to be with Alice and Jasper at this point, right?

Laci (02:09:21):

And she is. They’re at a Best Western or something. But they’re not in Jackson. No, they’re in Phoenix. And then Allison’s getting a vision and she starts drawing their paper and she draws the ballet studio. And it’s one Bella too. And she was a little girl. Random. We’ve never spoke about this before. And somehow Is it a phone call? It has to be a phone call.

Rose (02:09:44):

Yeah. James

Laci (02:09:45):

Calls Bella. James calls Bella. How does he get her fucking number?

Matt (02:09:49):

He goes to Bella’s mom’s old house, calls her, I don’t know, it’s written down somewhere. This is Bella’s phone number.

Laci (02:09:55):

He gets an old home movie where the mom is calling for Bella and he uses that voice to make it sound like James has her mom. And so he says, meet me at this ballet studio and you can have your mom back or whatever, or I’ll kill you instead of her

Matt (02:10:13):

And you can’t tell anybody. So she

Laci (02:10:15):

Needs do tell to don’t bring your friends or your mom’s going to get it.

Matt (02:10:19):

And so she goes to the ballet studio and then finds out, oh shit, it’s just a video recording. And he’s like, ha, got you. Good. And then it becomes Reservoir Dogs or it becomes Red Dragon or something. It’s like I’m going to fucking video record my torture of you.

Laci (02:10:34):

Right, right. I picked this very cinematic area trying to explain why the fuck are we in this location? It is very cinematic. There’s no reason to be here. No mention of any dancing in the past or why this would be significant. And he’s like, I know how to pick my location.

Matt (02:10:50):

Yeah, he turns on stuck in the middle with you. He cuts off her ear. He starts dancing and then Edward

Laci (02:10:56):

Cuts off her ear. No, he’s saying Reservoir Dog shit.

Matt (02:11:00):

Oh, okay. I was just thinking of Reservoir Dogs the whole time.

Laci (02:11:04):

Oh, I was like, okay, I miss, they put the ear back on.

Matt (02:11:08):

They did a great job. You

Laci (02:11:09):

Really do.

Matt (02:11:10):

And then Edward Heroically shows up. But James, because he’s a good old fashioned meat eater, has the advantage over him. They have a stupid little vampire fight. I do not think the action right here is very good at all.

Laci (02:11:21):

I don’t even notice their fight.

Matt (02:11:22):

It’s cut to hell. You can’t track anything. I

Laci (02:11:25):

Just notice her pain, which maybe that’s all we’re supposed to focus on, but I don’t notice any fighting.

Matt (02:11:29):

Yeah, it’s not an action movie. I know that’s not why we come here, but maybe try a little harder.

Rose (02:11:35):

I think it was supposed to be from Bella’s perspective. And she, in the book, she is so out of her mind with pain because James vem her. So she has Vampire Venom going through her system and she’s just R around screaming. Can’t even think

Laci (02:11:48):

That makes sense.

Rose (02:11:49):

But she’s vaguely aware that Edward and James are fighting.

Laci (02:11:53):

Right. And then different people are coming in and talking to her and she’s trying. Yeah, that makes the most sense.

Matt (02:11:58):

And what happens is Edward gets super mad and he gets the advantage over James. He’s about to rip us, throw it out or something. But his dad’s like, Edward, no, it’s not our way. But then brings in his other son, do it and is like, you go kill him now

Rose (02:12:11):

You guys do it.

Matt (02:12:13):

What is that? What’s going on right there? Why can’t Edward kill him?

Rose (02:12:17):

I honestly don’t know. I don’t know why. Yeah.

Laci (02:12:21):

I thought we all came here to do that.

Matt (02:12:23):

Why

Laci (02:12:23):

Is this not our way?

Matt (02:12:25):

Remember the mission prep,

Rose (02:12:26):

Right?

Matt (02:12:27):

This is the goal. No, son. No,

Rose (02:12:30):

It’s this whole protecting Edward from doing anything. Interesting thing. You know what I mean? How was a deep boy is a deep thinker. Edward too. How hot would it have been for Edward to just rip this guy’s head off with his thigh muscles?

Matt (02:12:48):

Absolutely do it right there. And without his family having shown up, he did it himself and he did it for Bella.

Laci (02:12:53):

Right? Right. He’s not this little coddled little rich boy who, he goes into depressions. You can’t make Edward sad. No. No, Edward, you can’t have this death on your hands. It’ll make you all thoughtful for months and years. We don’t want that.

Matt (02:13:05):

He Rich James’ throat out and then drops it onto Bella with his mouth. I did that for you. How? Yeah. Oh, we’d be losing our

Rose (02:13:13):

Minds. It is interesting what you just said, Laci, because it is almost like they, they’re so precious of Edward. No, no, no. You don’t understand. And it would be interesting if there was this idea of if Edward is exposed to any violence, he is gone. The eyes go dark and never get him back. So we must keep them on the good side.

Laci (02:13:32):

Right? We are a seven person tribe. He is one of the people and I don’t want to make another one. You got to keep that one protected in a special little way.

Matt (02:13:43):

Yeah. That’s what we got the big guy for. It

Laci (02:13:45):

Seems like a real pain in the ass to have a brand new vampire. There have to be extra protective and make sure they don’t give away everything. So I don’t want a brand new one. He’s my oldest one.

Matt (02:13:55):

So Bella got bitten by James on the arm and she’s turning into a vampire. Holy shit. Is she going to turn into a vampire? And so Carlisle says to Edward, he’s like, you have a choice to make. Now this is the climax of the movie son. You have to choose, turn her into a vampire or suck the venom out of her,

Laci (02:14:15):

But don’t kill her.

Rose (02:14:16):

Well, literally Carlisle is saying her body, your choice, Edward.

Speaker 6 (02:14:21):

Yes.

Matt (02:14:21):

Oh my God. Because

Rose (02:14:22):

Edward knows that she wants to be vampire at this point. She has talked about it many, many times. And what better time to just be like, well, yeah, it happened.

Laci (02:14:31):

Yeah. Near death. Near death. You said near death. I’m near death. How many times do you want me to get near death? The fuck?

Matt (02:14:36):

Yeah, that’s a really good point.

Laci (02:14:37):

This is the time, but no, but it’s about who turned her. It can’t be James’s. Vampire Edward needs to be the one that fucks bell up.

Matt (02:14:44):

Is that true? Oh, but would that actually make a difference to what kind of vampire you become?

Laci (02:14:48):

It would to the guy. And that’s the whole point of virginity. Does it actually make a difference, Matt, once you fuck somebody, can you feel who they fuck?

Matt (02:14:55):

I’m in, in the actual rules of the vampires in this world.

Laci (02:14:58):

I’m telling you, it’s just back to the freshness

Rose (02:14:59):

Seal.

Laci (02:15:00):

The freshest deal. It doesn’t want it that Hyman torn.

Matt (02:15:03):

Oh, that

Laci (02:15:04):

No. Right. He needs to suck the semen out of Bella’s arm and spit it and not orgasms.

Matt (02:15:09):

It’s like this didn’t happen. Yeah. He can’t

Laci (02:15:11):

Orgasm. He can’t come to a climax yet either. They have to do it together, but they’re waiting, waiting until marriage.

Matt (02:15:18):

Oh, what a scumbag. So Edward, hey, he manages to suck the poison out of, and then he starts and he,

Laci (02:15:25):

It’s like, look, James got Bella half the way to orgasm. You’re going to finish your off, man. How? Come on my boy. And he’s like, I can’t do it. We’re not married.

Matt (02:15:33):

Bella wakes up in a Phoenix hospital and she’s like, what the fuck just happened? And her mom is there like, Hey honey, I’m here. And your nice boyfriend’s asleep over

Laci (02:15:40):

There. He’s spanking it. He’s listening to everything we’re saying. That’s normal.

Matt (02:15:43):

You have a broken leg. And here’s what happened. Edward and his dad chased you to Phoenix to try to change your mind about leaving forks.

Laci (02:15:50):

Two men found you at a hotel where you were trying to flee them and you fell down a flight of stairs. And we believe their story.

Matt (02:15:58):

Story. Now what they said, what they said is No, no, no. She came to their hotel.

Laci (02:16:02):

No, no, they don’t have a hotel. She’s the one that left. They went to get her.

Matt (02:16:07):

Yeah, but they checked into a Phoenix hotel and then she went to their best Western to go knock on their door to talk to Edward. I could be wrong.

Laci (02:16:16):

You could be wrong.

Matt (02:16:17):

I might be.

Laci (02:16:18):

Why is she running away?

Rose (02:16:20):

The story is that she fell down two flights of stairs and went through a window. What kind of stairs in a window would be, and no one questions. This

Laci (02:16:28):

Not even going to go check the best Western not going to file a suit or there’s no incident report to fill out.

Rose (02:16:35):

I guess they did stage the crime scene. They do mention that. Yeah. They push her. We actually, so we took, after Edward sucked out the venom out, we took your limp body and we flung it down the stairs and then we flung it through a window.

Laci (02:16:51):

We needed a real break because she doesn’t break her leg. She gets a fucking piece of glass through it. So we broke it.

Matt (02:16:59):

Yeah. They were careful. I promise you’re

Laci (02:17:01):

Never going to dance again, but you didn’t dance to begin with.

Matt (02:17:04):

So also your dad’s here, but you’re not going to see him. We’re going to cut before you talk to him. So Bell’s mom leaves and then Edward is like, Hey, hey babe, here I am. And you got to go back to Jacksonville. I’m too dangerous for you. You do it if you knew what’s good for me. And she’s like, hell no. I’m going to be with you forever. And he is like, oh, okay, good. Nothing I can say to change your mind

Laci (02:17:26):

As if you could

Matt (02:17:27):

Actually, I would say, I think Bella does a really good panicked freak out right here thinking that Edward’s actually breaking up with her.

Laci (02:17:34):

Yeah, but he’s testing again. Be like, look, now you see, this is dangerous.

Rose (02:17:38):

I hate the way she acts. Her entire world is ending.

Matt (02:17:42):

But

Laci (02:17:42):

I

Rose (02:17:42):

Love it at breaking up with her.

Matt (02:17:44):

But I mean, if you’re a teenager, that’s true.

Rose (02:17:48):

There

Matt (02:17:48):

Is nothing else.

Rose (02:17:49):

I don’t know. I would’ve faked it. I would’ve been like, fine leave. I would’ve called her too much play’s not going anywhere. He’s not going anywhere.

Matt (02:17:57):

That’s true. No, but she’s, she’s not that calculated. She’s not that. I’m saying you are calculated. She’s pure. Just reaction. Just Edward. No, no. You can’t. No. So we don’t see the reconciliation with Charlie. It’s so weird. Anyway, now they’re going to the

Laci (02:18:14):

Running the movie with dancing. Yeah. So Bella comes down the stairs looking fine. I don’t know. I always feel like she should be a little prettier, but no, she can look

Matt (02:18:26):

Better.

Laci (02:18:26):

She’s very feminine and dolled up. And both Charlie and Edward are like, wow, what a woman. And they go to prom and right away they’re both overwhelmed by all the prom and the singing. This

Matt (02:18:39):

Prom is a little proms from my

Laci (02:18:41):

Taste. There’s a lot of people in here and that’s why I’m saying they’re both on the spectrum and it’s very cute. So they go outside to get some quiet and dance in the cutest way possible with Bella standing on his feet because he’s strong and she can’t dance. Oh, but

Matt (02:18:55):

Laci, before any of that,

Laci (02:18:57):

What happens?

Matt (02:18:57):

Edward puts her down on a bench and he’s like, Hey, I’m going to go away for some reason for a minute. And then who comes out of the woods? But Jacob. Jacob. And you’re like, oh yeah, that guy.

Laci (02:19:05):

He showed up at prom to tell Bella that his dad said, you should break up with Edward.

Matt (02:19:13):

My dad says you should break up with Edward. He

Laci (02:19:15):

Paid me 22. Pick your moment. This is not it.

Rose (02:19:21):

I really like the way Taylor Ner plays Jacob because he plays them perfectly. He’s just kind of like, Hey, I’m kind of this side character and I have information and exposition to drop, but I’m not really sure about any of this. Sounds weird. And I recognize that even when he’s telling me that he’s kind of laughing. My dad says, stay away from Edward. Old men are weird. Right?

Matt (02:19:46):

But now I have $20. I’m going to go to the gas station, get some surge. Sorry, I don’t remember. Is this scene in the book? Does he do this in the book?

Rose (02:19:57):

I don’t remember. I do feel like he does warn Bella, but I don’t remember if it’s in here. Specific comment.

Matt (02:20:03):

It seems like very much like we know the whole series is building to Edward v Jacob. So we have to have a Jacob thing happen before the end of the move.

Laci (02:20:09):

Well, and we don’t have enough money to have a whole nother scene or time. So just have him going on the prom scene. For some fucking reason he’s dressed up. Why?

Matt (02:20:17):

Even though he’s not at this prom,

Laci (02:20:18):

He’s not going to the prom.

Matt (02:20:19):

I was at the other prom. I

Laci (02:20:20):

Was trying to blend in, Hey, I’m in prom close. Alright.

Matt (02:20:24):

Oh God. But then they’re walking away and Edward’s like, huh, goodbye Jacob. And then he says to Bella, I leave you alone for two minutes. And the wolves descend, but they go into prom and Bella’s like this prom, there’s too much dancing and stuff. And he says, the prom is an important rite of passage. I don’t want you to miss anything. It’s so gross.

Laci (02:20:43):

It is gross. It’s like,

Rose (02:20:45):

And he would know, right? Because let’s think about this. Edward has been to hundreds of proms at this point. You’re telling me he didn’t have a date every single time,

Matt (02:20:53):

Right? No. This guy’s been fucking for a hundred years. He

Rose (02:20:56):

Got bored fucking constantly.

Matt (02:20:58):

Yes. But I also notice this whole movie’s been threading this Bella doesn’t dance thing.

Rose (02:21:03):

She

Matt (02:21:03):

Says it a bunch of times. Edward tries to dance with her, but now she finally does it. It’s growth. You see,

Laci (02:21:09):

She’s not even moving. There’s no dancing. He’s just making her meat. Puppet. The fuck. Anyway,

Matt (02:21:15):

He

Laci (02:21:15):

Likes her with a broken foot. Why

Matt (02:21:17):

Didn’t you let me become a vampire? Because you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want it. And she’s like, I want you every second I get closer to death.

Laci (02:21:24):

Yeah. Now we get the old lady stuff. Now we, oh, I hate that whole, I don’t know, it just feels very real this whole, but every second, I’m older than you and I’m going to be gross. And I don’t know, it really hit me hard than the second book.

Matt (02:21:36):

They do a thing where they really tease you like he’s going to bite her. He bends down onto her neck.

Laci (02:21:42):

Oh, come on. And

Matt (02:21:42):

It just gives her,

Laci (02:21:43):

It’s painful. He’s not going to do it right here. Bella, use your fucking brain. Why would he do it at proms

Matt (02:21:47):

Gives her a little kiss. No, no, no, no.

Rose (02:21:50):

It’s always like the whole vampire thing is always so horny. It is. Vampires is just so sexual and I’m going to bite your neck and drink your bodily juices. Nothing about it is sexy, but it’s always painted very sexual.

Matt (02:22:05):

Oh, it is sexy. The hottest thing ever. It’s penetration. It’s being sort of coerced against your will, which is again, guys don’t do it, but people do like it.

Laci (02:22:18):

But a strange thing is we pan out and they’re adorable in playing that song. And for some fucking reason, Victoria’s at the Prom.

Matt (02:22:26):

Why? Yeah. The camera pulls back to your reveal this way

Laci (02:22:28):

Is she dressed like a prom member? She’s also in the

Matt (02:22:32):

Costuming is just, Hey guys, we got a sequel coming. Don’t even worry about it. And then,

Rose (02:22:37):

Yeah, they’re setting it up that the vibes are, she is really upset that they killed her boyfriend.

Laci (02:22:45):

Yeah.

Rose (02:22:45):

It’s hard to get a mate

Laci (02:22:47):

That wants to be a vampire and then you can actually tolerate being around them all the time. And also when you turn someone, you don’t know what kind of special powers they’re going to get. What if they’re annoying? What if my vampire powers are like, I’m good at taxes. I don’t want to be with that person for the rest of my life.

Matt (02:23:03):

I’ll tell you who I don’t want to be with.

Laci (02:23:04):

Who?

Matt (02:23:05):

Alice. I love Alice. Everything she says is, don’t worry, it’s going to go this way. It’s like one, I have no idea if you’re telling the truth, but yeah, you’re constantly being like, I know. I know.

Rose (02:23:15):

Yeah, that’s so true. No one’s ever told Alice something she didn’t know. Matt hates people who know things,

Matt (02:23:21):

Don’t know anything.

Rose (02:23:22):

No, he needs to know all the things. I do too. I hate people that know things because I usually don’t know anything. So when someone knows everything, I’m always annoyed

Matt (02:23:29):

Because you could never know if it’s true. You could never know if it’s right.

Rose (02:23:32):

How these things change. Yeah.

Matt (02:23:34):

Oh yeah. I can see the future, but also the future changes. So it’s not the future.

Rose (02:23:37):

Why so fucking cocky, man.

Matt (02:23:39):

You’re not seeing shit.

Rose (02:23:40):

She’s like the astrology girlies. Oh yeah. She’s like, well, it just depends where Jupiter is right now.

Laci (02:23:45):

Right? I mean, I can’t control the stars. Give me your hands. Yeah, you’re good.

Matt (02:23:51):

Then Radiohead’s, 15 steps starts playing. Which rules? Okay.

Rose (02:23:54):

Rule. That’s

Matt (02:23:55):

The end of the movie.

Rose (02:23:56):

Yay. I do. I do love that song.

Matt (02:23:59):

Yeah. It’s

Rose (02:24:00):

Pretty badass.

Matt (02:24:00):

And that album had just come out that I think April, it was a giant deal when it came out. I had no idea The Twilight movie had such a cool song in it. What are our final thoughts and star ratings? We’ll start with Rose. Final thoughts on Twilight and out of five stars. What would you give this as a movie? Just this individual movie.

Rose (02:24:37):

Yeah. I would say just from the nostalgia standpoint, I would say four and a half stars. I know that seems pretty high for what it is, but it’s just so enjoyable and I could just watch it and watch it and watch it and kind of get something a little bit different every time. Just because I am so willing to just accept how camp it is and all of the plot holes and all of the silliness just all adds to it. I love it.

Matt (02:25:06):

Yeah. Four and a half stars. I

Laci (02:25:08):

Give it a five fucking rocks. Fuck. I know this fucking movie. I don’t care if it’s stupid that I give it a five. I give it a five. I love it. I put it on and I become it. It becomes me. I am Bella.

Matt (02:25:21):

She becomes an

Laci (02:25:22):

Apple.

Matt (02:25:25):

The apple is on the cover of the Yeah.

Laci (02:25:30):

Give it a five if you want to get

Matt (02:25:32):

A five.

Laci (02:25:32):

You have any sex tonight? You tonight? Oh my gosh. Do you give it a five?

Matt (02:25:37):

No, he’s

Laci (02:25:38):

Lying.

Matt (02:25:39):

No, no, no. I give this a three and a half. This is my favorite movie in the series.

Laci (02:25:43):

Oh, eat a Dick. No,

Matt (02:25:46):

It’s not a perfect movie. It’s

Laci (02:25:47):

At least a

Matt (02:25:48):

Four. I think it’s really, really well directed. Catherine Hardwick I think is, I wish she’d gotten to have gotten to do more blockbusters after this. I think she really works well in a big budget level and brings a lot of personality to the movie. I think Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson both great. They were great actors at the time. They’ve only gotten better with age. And I think that even though these characters are very empty, they make a lot with what they have. Billy Burke is wonderful and it’s a lot of fun. Check it out. Twilight. You should check it out. Check out this movie. Twilight, I don’t know, three and a half stars.

Rose (02:26:24):

It’s kind of niche. I feel like it’s like this indie movie. Not a lot of people have heard of it. A low budget just

Laci (02:26:29):

Boutique guy. Go to called Walmart.

Matt (02:26:31):

Yeah.

Laci (02:26:31):

See

Rose (02:26:31):

If you have one.

Matt (02:26:32):

Maybe we can get Courtney to record. Yeah,

Rose (02:26:35):

Her star.

Matt (02:26:35):

A star rating.

Rose (02:26:39):

I think Courtney has been waiting for this moment. The whole episode. I have. So tell us, what did you think of Twilight?

Courtney (02:26:49):

I think I said it at the beginning. Twilight is my comfort film. If I need something to listen to or I need serotonin, I go straight to Twilight. It just reminds me of happier times and I love it. Is it a great cinematic masterpiece? Absolutely not. But again, I’m the human equivalent of a little raccoon. Let me enjoy my trash. What’s your star rating? Four.

Rose (02:27:15):

Wow.

Courtney (02:27:16):

You rated a higher than me. I gave it a four. And the star that came off is mostly just because it’s not my favorite film of the franchise.

Rose (02:27:26):

Okay.

Courtney (02:27:27):

So there are other Twilight films that get fives.

Speaker 6 (02:27:31):

Okay.

Courtney (02:27:32):

I think Eclipse is my favorite of the franchise. And that gets a five from me. New Moon is my least favorite and it gets a two.

Rose (02:27:42):

Oh my gosh.

Courtney (02:27:44):

And see, Laci loves New Moon. Laci loves New Moon. I skip if I ever reread New Moon, I skip the part where Edward’s gone.

Rose (02:27:56):

That’s only like half the book.

Courtney (02:27:59):

Yeah. I skip the part where Edward’s gone. And it’s just because I’m depressed enough on my own. I don’t need to also share em. Bella’s depression. That’s

Rose (02:28:07):

Fair. That’s fair.

Courtney (02:28:10):

My media is supposed to make the dumb serotonin work. Not the opposite.

Rose (02:28:17):

No, fully. That is fair.

Courtney (02:28:21):

Okay. So yeah, it gets a four from me. And if anybody would ever like to talk about Twilight or know more about Twilight, I am happy to answer your questions.

Rose (02:28:31):

All right. The Twilight historian has spoken

Courtney (02:28:35):

And I did email Stephanie Meyer asking her a vampires can get drunk. I’ll let you know if she responds. Keep us posted. Veronica Roth never did respond to us.

Rose (02:28:46):

Yeah, we have a track record of emailing authors, asking them inappropriate questions and them sending us a cease and desist but not really bothering to send it.

Courtney (02:28:55):

Yeah, we’ll see what Stephanie Meyer does. So I’ll keep you updated. Cool.

Matt (02:29:00):

Laci, what’s next for us on Load Bearing Beams?

Laci (02:29:02):

Spice World? That classic cinema.

Matt (02:29:05):

That classic cinema Spice World.

Laci (02:29:07):

It’s a,

Matt (02:29:07):

It’s the Spice Girls

Laci (02:29:08):

Movie Classic. Yes. It spices up your life.

Matt (02:29:10):

The movie that when I was 10 years old, I said, that’s the funniest movie I’ve ever seen.

Laci (02:29:14):

You were a dumb child.

Matt (02:29:15):

But I’ll tell you, even though I said it, I knew I was lying. I was trying to talk myself into

Laci (02:29:19):

It. You were trying to be like, I got a tingle boner. And I think it was funny.

Matt (02:29:24):

No, it was, I love the Spice Girls and they made a movie. So I know that I need to like it,

Laci (02:29:29):

But

Matt (02:29:29):

I don’t actually think I liked it that much. But I had to lie and be like, it was so good. It’s great.

Laci (02:29:33):

Got it.

Matt (02:29:33):

Very curious. I have not seen it in 30 years.

Laci (02:29:35):

I’m super curious. I can’t even remember any of it, but I watched it a million times

Matt (02:29:39):

And this movie is not available on streaming.

Laci (02:29:42):

Oh damn. We keep doing that.

Matt (02:29:44):

Yeah. So low key. If you DM me.

Laci (02:29:47):

Wait, why did it say February 14th for this one?

Matt (02:29:49):

Oh, don’t worry about that. Okay.

Laci (02:29:51):

Typo. So

Rose (02:29:51):

How are you watching it? It’s not on streaming.

Matt (02:29:53):

I got the D. We own it.

Rose (02:29:55):

Oh, okay.

Matt (02:29:57):

So good question. Rose totally wouldn’t do this, but maybe if you had to DM me, maybe I could send you a file or something. Totally. Don’t do that. Anybody who hears this, but maybe I could help you see this movie. You

Laci (02:30:09):

Might have a torrent affair with them. Yes,

Matt (02:30:11):

That’s what I’m saying. Alright, rose, please tell everybody once more about Fiction Fixation and where they can find you

Rose (02:30:18):

Guys. So again, we recap movies. We’re both writers, so it’s very like two writers shooting the shit about movies. It’s Laci Kindly said, it feels like you’re watching the movie. And I love that. That’s definitely the goal. I want you guys to feel like if you’ve seen the movie that you’re revisiting it. And if you haven’t seen it then you don’t have to. You don’t have to. So you watch it inside of your brain. But yeah, so we are on all the major platforms like podcast, Spotify, audible, pod Beam, all of them. So go check us out

Laci (02:30:51):

And all over social media as well.

Matt (02:30:53):

And we’ll have links in the description. Rose and Courtney, both great people. Very funny, very smart.

Laci (02:30:58):

Thank you.

Matt (02:30:59):

You’ll have a great time listening to it. And thank you for being on our longest episode ever.

Laci (02:31:05):

Oh my God, it was long. I’m so tired. What an honor.

Matt (02:31:07):

Yes, it was an honor. And I’m so glad you were the perfect people because you know this shit really, really well.

Laci (02:31:13):

Right? Yeah. You had something to add to each.

Matt (02:31:15):

Okay, so please check out Fiction Fixation and then check out Load-Bearing Beams. Well you’re, you’re doing that right now, but subscribe if you haven’t. We’re on YouTube Load-Bearing Beams Pod. I’m on Letterbox. Laci’s on Letterboxed.

Laci (02:31:25):

We’re doing a recap of every severance episode as it comes out. They’re fucking awesome. Watch those two

Matt (02:31:32):

On YouTube. Yes.

Laci (02:31:33):

On the YouTube,

Matt (02:31:33):

Our severance recap, we have a Patreon patreon.com/ load-bearing beams. And my band Rural Route nine does the music for the show. Please

Rose (02:31:42):

Listen

Matt (02:31:42):

To our Download it. Download, purchase it from my

Rose (02:31:44):

Une. Download it. Yes,

Matt (02:31:45):

Download. Buy our CD and import it.

Rose (02:31:47):

Awesome music. Awesome.

Matt (02:31:48):

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Rose (02:31:50):

I’m always jamming and the Spielberg music from the summertime. Oh my gosh. I would just rock out in my car every time

Laci (02:31:57):

I was thinking Matt needed to make you guys a theme song. I feel like they need one.

Rose (02:32:02):

Listen, that is a big ask. I he’s done it before out into the Ether Zero expectations. But