Mortal Kombat (1995)

Matt (00:00:21):

Welcome to Load Bearing Beams, a Mortal Kombat podcast where we talk about a different Mortal Kombat character every week. Going on Week 79 talking about Mortal Kombat.

Laci (00:00:30):

Get out of here.

Matt (00:00:31):

I’m Matt Stokes.

Laci (00:00:32):

I’m Laci Roth.

Matt (00:00:33):

Just kidding. We’re a movie podcast.

Laci (00:00:35):

Oh my God. Surprise.

Matt (00:00:37):

The two of us. Laci and I were married to each other. We’ve been married for 12 years.

Laci (00:00:40):

Surprise.

Matt (00:00:41):

Some people don’t know that. They’re like, why do they talk to each other like that?

Laci (00:00:45):

Why does the loud female one hate the other loud one?

Matt (00:00:48):

That’s something I ask our therapist all the time.

Laci (00:00:50):

We don’t have a therapist.

Matt (00:00:51):

Just kidding.

Laci (00:00:52):

We might

Matt (00:00:54):

Should need

Laci (00:00:54):

One. We should.

Matt (00:00:55):

This is our therapy. Every week we talk about a movie that one of us loves from a long time ago. Certainly the case with this week’s entry. Mortal Kombat, my movie. This is the 1995 Mortal Kombat movie directed by Paul WS Anderson. And when I watch it, I realize like, oh, this was definitely a huge movie for me. Some of the quotes in the movie, I’m like, oh, I don’t realize that quote comes from this movie. I know what I smell bullshit.

Laci (00:01:22):

You’re always saying it to

Matt (00:01:23):

Me. I’m never saying it, but I always think about

Laci (00:01:26):

It. Yeah,

Matt (00:01:26):

I hear that cadence in my head of Bridget Wilson RA’s line reading right there.

Laci (00:01:33):

What an actress,

Matt (00:01:34):

Mortal Kombat, 1995. Now, longtime fans of Load Bearing Beams might be saying, but wait a minute. You already covered this movie and not like in your early days, kind of in your mid party foul, like Post Covid 2021, we covered this movie,

Laci (00:01:48):

But what

Matt (00:01:49):

That episode’s less than 30 minutes long.

Laci (00:01:51):

What if this one is less than 30 minutes long?

Matt (00:01:53):

Then the universe will be telling us something. But what I’ll take that as is we need to try again.

Laci (00:01:58):

Okay.

Matt (00:01:58):

I feel like this movie owes a lot more care than what we gave it back then.

Laci (00:02:02):

I didn’t listen to the episode

Matt (00:02:04):

Neither. Neither did I

Laci (00:02:04):

Since we did it.

Matt (00:02:06):

But you hated the movie back then.

Laci (00:02:08):

That’s just telling me.

Matt (00:02:09):

Here we go. We’re going to talk about Mortal Kombat 1995. But first, if you go to our social media accounts, that means Twitter – @LoadBearingPod, BlueSky – @LoadBearingBeams, TikTok for now – @Load.Bearing.Beams, Instagram – @LoadBearingBeams. You can get our bonus video. We do a bonus video every week this week. The bonus video is this. We enlisted some listeners to submit their listener choices and we entered them all in a raffle. And you can watch us spin the wheel, find out what we’re covering on our January 31st episode.

Laci (00:02:40):

What a bonus. What a treat. It’s a wheel. Okay. Okay. This fucking guy, I’m looking at a picture of Raiden right now and everyone’s probably like, yes. Oh, Raiden. Oh yes, Raiden. Of course, I know who that is.

Matt (00:02:57):

This movie

Laci (00:02:57):

Comment if I’m wrong. Bitches.

Matt (00:02:59):

Wait minute. Wait a minute. This movie and this intellectual property is huge.

Laci (00:03:04):

Are huge.

Matt (00:03:05):

Are huge. Sure. You don’t think so?

Laci (00:03:08):

I don’t know. Everyone knows what it is.

Matt (00:03:10):

This movie was a big hit. It was a cable classic, a VHS classic. Plus there was a reboot four years ago that not many people saw, but it was still pandemic days and allegedly, there’s a sequel coming out later this year.

Laci (00:03:23):

Well, is it good or not?

Matt (00:03:24):

The remake?

Laci (00:03:25):

Yes, Matt?

Matt (00:03:26):

No, the remakes not good. And I watched it again yesterday. I liked it slightly more than I liked it four years ago, but I still think it doesn’t hold a candle to the old movie. Both the bare minimum amount of character development done in this movie dwarfs the amount of character development done in the new movie. The new movie is like character by committee, like Plucky Young Hero.

Laci (00:03:51):

No backstory,

Matt (00:03:53):

Just

Laci (00:03:55):

It’s even Flat Earth. That’s all you had to say. It’s even Flat Earth. At least this movie. It’s cute. It’s cute how much they tried something. I don’t know. It’s got quirky badness. I guess it has. I don’t know that It’s so bad. It’s good. But there’s charm to, what is it?

Matt (00:04:16):

It’s not that. Here’s what it is. It’s vibes. Mortal Kombat is a vibe.

Laci (00:04:21):

Is it?

Matt (00:04:21):

It’s nineties scuz. It’s fog machines. It’s like Spiderwebs and

Laci (00:04:29):

Scuz.

Matt (00:04:29):

Yeah, scuz, slime, grime.

Laci (00:04:32):

Oh, OIDs.

Matt (00:04:34):

OIDs. Yes. That’s what this movie has in spades. Nineties charm.

Laci (00:04:40):

You

Matt (00:04:41):

Said this. You said this during While we watched the movie.

Laci (00:04:43):

Okay.

Matt (00:04:44):

You said, I mean,

Laci (00:04:45):

Scuz,

Matt (00:04:46):

It’s just like watching the video game, but it’s a movie,

Laci (00:04:50):

Right? And there’s something very, I’m hoping Minecraft. The Minecraft movie is like that. I’m already devastated. It won’t be. But if I truly love a video game, especially like a simple one, I think it’s pretty cool to dive into your TV and then turn this way and see what the character’s seeing. And so I mean, this movie set out to have all of the most used plays or even all of the characters, I dunno, as Benbo have played it, saying all of their catchphrases in the most organic way they could get ’em in there in every scene that you could have picked in the movie, in the game. And it achieved, it’s a little clunky with how it gets you from thing to thing, jumping through wormholes and such.

Matt (00:05:33):

It delivers on what is promised. And it’s like it looks at Mortal Kom the game and it asks, why do people like this? And it tries to translate that to film. If it didn’t have fighting, just straightforward. Hey, get in this ring. Let’s fight. There would be something unsatisfying about

Laci (00:05:48):

That. Sure. But I guess there’s movies like Jamun where people get sucked into a game, and I guess they don’t do a good enough job of telling me in the reality of this world before they got pulled into this Mortal Kombat Island, were they seeing things that break our world’s natural physics? Do they live in a world of magic? And so when they see it, they’re just like, oh, that’s a magic guy. Or I feel like they’re not blown away enough by the weird transition. Why did I bring up Jumanji? Because they’re responding correctly to learning new things that are possible.

Matt (00:06:29):

Maybe that’s why what I find charming about it is that when they see that the reality of the universe isn’t what they thought, they’re not that perturbed by it. They accept it very quickly. And having just watched the remake, that’s all the remake is like you telling me there’s an alternate reality called outward. I don’t know.

Laci (00:06:47):

I mean, that’s boring too. I just mean that there’s some kind of balance of that. Liu Kang specifically is not totally

Matt (00:06:55):

Liu Kang.

Laci (00:06:56):

No. Then I mean Johnny Cage, I don’t mean Luke King. When I say Cage, I mean Cage. I mean the white guy.

Matt (00:07:02):

Let’s talk about our histories with Mortal Kombat. We already did an episode on this movie. Forget the old time we watched this movie. Had you ever seen this movie before?

Laci (00:07:11):

No.

Matt (00:07:11):

Okay. What about the games? Did you ever play the games?

Laci (00:07:14):

Yes. Very familiar with the game and all the, we’ll often ask someone to get over here in my head. There was one that just said “Finish him!” Yeah.

Matt (00:07:23):

That’s the end of every fight.

Laci (00:07:25):

Okay. Yeah. So I mean, I played it a lot. I had a Sega.

Matt (00:07:29):

You had a Sega,

Laci (00:07:31):

Okay. Yeah, this in Tein.

Matt (00:07:31):

That’s what I was going to ask. Was this an arcade situation? Was this a Sega I you,

Laci (00:07:35):

Were you Nintendo family playing there too? I love fighting games because you didn’t have to know what you were doing and there wasn’t any puzzles to solve. It’s just like, did I win this one? I did. Did I win this one? No.

Matt (00:07:46):

And I think they intentionally made it very user-friendly. With this game, you get the hang of it very, very quickly. I definitely cared way more about this movie than the games. Although I did have one of the games. I had Mortal Kombat three for Super Nintendo, but for me, it was the movie. I loved the mythology of the movie. I loved the characters. I thought it was so fucking cool. And it was probably one of the earlier PG 13 movies. I got to see.

Laci (00:08:14):

How old were you?

Matt (00:08:15):

This came out in 95. I would’ve been 11. No, no, I would’ve been eight. No, how old am I? Yes, I would’ve been

Laci (00:08:22):

Eight. I’d say You’re the target market then. I mean, it hit you perfectly.

Matt (00:08:26):

Yes. It hits you where you’re like, you’re below 13, but you’re like, this is a grownup movie. This movie. They’re saying there’s bullshit and yeah, there’s

Laci (00:08:34):

Blood and skeletons, bloody skeletons sometimes.

Matt (00:08:38):

And then the sequel, mortal Combat Annihilation came out two years later. I read the novelization of that movie. And even though I saw that movie in theaters in my head, I still forget that it actually came out in theaters that it wasn’t straight to video because it’s a situation where only two of the original cast members returned.

Laci (00:08:54):

Who were they? Matt,

Matt (00:08:55):

Luke King and

Laci (00:08:57):

Princess Ka, I think Johnny King, sorry.

Matt (00:09:00):

And Princess Katana were the only ones who came back.

Laci (00:09:03):

Did they have a romance?

Matt (00:09:04):

They did. They sure did. Now, I went many, many, many years without seeing the movie, without seeing Mortal Kombat, probably until we did our show four years ago. And I gave this movie three stars on Letterbox back, and my

Laci (00:09:19):

Reaction was, I forgot it.

Matt (00:09:20):

My reaction was, this is a perfectly fine movie Now this time,

Laci (00:09:24):

Oh God,

Matt (00:09:25):

This is a movie where I’m just beaming. I’m like very

Laci (00:09:28):

Pumping my fist and stuff. You were very happy.

Matt (00:09:32):

But I will say that’s how I am for the first 30 minutes of the movie. And I liken it to Willy Wonka in the Chocolate Factory, where it’s like, I can’t wait to get to that factory. I can’t wait to get to the Mortal Kombat tournament. And yet, once the thing actually starts, the air is out of the balloon a

Laci (00:09:47):

Little bit. Yes, yes. You’re totally right. It’s like, oh, this is it. Oh, too much buildup. And I’d say that the fight sequences are slightly too long to keep the attention of most people. If you’re not a total action person,

Matt (00:10:02):

I think they’re very, very well done. Technically, they’re kind of unsatisfying in terms of the narrative of the movie. First 30 minutes, I’m pumping my fist. This is so much fun. This movie knows exactly what it is exactly how not seriously to take all of this. And the actors are so all the actors, they get the pitch of the movie, and then once the fighting starts, then it becomes a little more serious,

Laci (00:10:26):

Most dramatic

Matt (00:10:26):

Martial arts movie, which is well done, but it doesn’t, I’m not on that same high that I’m on for the first 30 minutes. So I ultimately kind of feel the same way about the movie. It’s much better than a movie. Like this has a right to be and it’s a lot of fun. And I’m not a nostalgic person. If I love something as a kid and I watch it as adult and it sucks, I say it, I always say it. And I would not say that about this movie. I think this is a perfectly fine movie. And now let’s talk about the history of the movie itself in our history segment. So we’ll start with the video game itself.

Laci (00:11:24):

I appreciate you doing this

Matt (00:11:26):

Video game series is credited as being created by Ed Boone and John Tobias. Now, I don’t know shit about video games, and I especially don’t know anything about how they’re made or the history of the industry. So when I see created by, I don’t know if this is a case where it’s controversial that these people get credit. I’m sure there’s a whole team of people who should get credit also, but that’s just who is credited

(00:11:50):

As the creators. And I know as a kid, I assumed this is Mario or all the other video games I’m familiar with. This is a Japanese video game that they took over to America and translated it into English. But no, it’s American. It starts in America and it’s a pastiche of all these Asian cultures and mythologies. So the first game was released to arcades in 1992, later went over to home consoles, and then the sequel came out in 93. The were both huge. The first two games formed the basis for the plot of this movie that we’re talking about, a novelty of the game was that it used digitized photos for the characters rather than animation.

(00:12:26):

And it was notably violent. There was lots of blood. And this was controversial. So the movie I’m using as my source, the 2015 oral history of this movie from the Hollywood Reporter by Aaron Couch, it is interviews with almost everyone except for the screenwriter. And I feel like he’s definitely a missing voice and there’s not much information I can find about the screenwriter, but there’s also things that I have questions about. The Johnny Cage and Scorpion fight is very weird. It seems like it was done in Reshoots, but I can’t find any information about that.

Laci (00:12:54):

Yeah, it looks very much like it’s in the temple of a Nickelodeon, set a game show. The sets are fun though. They feel like, I want to give you a version of a video game. And here it is. I mean, they feel as fake as they seem like they should.

Matt (00:13:11):

Yeah,

Laci (00:13:11):

I know that’s not what you’re talking about.

Matt (00:13:13):

They start off, but they start off in this forest that you otherwise never see and you don’t see how he got there. It’s totally disconnected from everything else.

Laci (00:13:20):

And I think that’s because there is a trees setting. There is a place where you go and fight in trees in the game. So they had to put him there. They meet our tree level. They don’t do a good job. I mean, if all of your best friends that you’ve just made on this island, otherwise you’re alone, are all watching a fight and fighting. Why Johnny Cage or you in the forest

Matt (00:13:41):

Just wandering around the forest? Yes,

Laci (00:13:43):

In a grove.

Matt (00:13:44):

And because it’s not disconnected to anything else, you don’t see him leave. It’s never mentioned again. It has no consequences on anything else. It makes me wonder, was this added, do they think we don’t have enough for Johnny Cage to do?

Laci (00:13:55):

That’s interesting. I find most of the sequences just kind of happen. They need to fight again. They need to fight again in another place. They didn’t need be flags on the beach. There needs to be a ring on the beach. There needs to be a cafeteria.

Matt (00:14:06):

That’s another thing. I mean, you would hope, I think the script is the weak part about the movie. You would wish that each fight is part of building your understanding of the characters and where they’re going, but it’s not really that.

Laci (00:14:18):

It’s not. And it’s like some of them are just part of the place and then the fight happens. But then the whole point of the island is that they’re going to have matches, but for some reason fights keep breaking out that are outside of those matches. And it’s like, who’s got the rule book here and can we enforce it? And I mean, when do these characters get to sleep

Matt (00:14:41):

And where do they go to the mart room and where do they shower? I’m always worried about showers.

Laci (00:14:46):

I’m always worried about pooping and peeping.

Matt (00:14:48):

Yeah, and deodorant. And it wasn’t until I watched Lost in the first season of Lost in 2004 that a character mentions we’re almost out of deodorant. And it was like finally a Stranded Island movie or show acknowledges my greatest fear

Laci (00:15:01):

And anything on a beach. And I’m wondering why no one is talking about sunblock.

Matt (00:15:05):

Well, yeah, there’s that too.

Laci (00:15:06):

It’s a big deal.

Matt (00:15:07):

I know.

Laci (00:15:08):

You’d just be blistered. You’d have cancer, you’d be wrinkled. No one would want to find you.

Matt (00:15:13):

So the producer, Larry Kassoff, he was a James Cameron collaborator. Apparently he was involved in the merchandising for Terminator two and was involved in the arcade game of Same, and it was a big hit. So he was visiting some friends at Midway Games in 1993. Midway is the developer that makes the Mortal Kombat games. So he was shown the Mortal Kombat arcade cabinet and he started playing it and he was enamored and thought it had movie potential. So from Larry Kassoff quote, I played the Mortal Kombat arcade game in their office for half an hour. I turned to the Midway Games Chief Neil DN Castro, and I said, this is Star Wars meets Enter the Dragon. This is not just an arcade game. This is a whole phenomenon. I said, if you give me the rights to this movie, to this, I promise you I’ll produce this.

(00:15:59):

Not just in movies, but in every medium in the world. He looked at me and said, you’re full of crap. It’s just an arcade game. That began a three month process of me trying to convince them that it was more than just an arcade game. They didn’t believe it because video game movies had recently failed. Like Mario Brothers. No one believed it. I finally wore them down and they optioned the rights to me for an insanely short amount of time, which now I would never do, but it was my first deal at my company end. So that’s the other thing is video game movies. This is a new thing. Video games have been around a long time, but Nintendo takes off in the eighties. The idea that these can be mined for movies, Mario Brothers in 93 was the big failure. And I

Laci (00:16:40):

Feel like they still haven’t successfully done Mario, but I know people disagree.

Matt (00:16:44):

Successful in financial terms though.

Laci (00:16:47):

No, right. I know. Just like a really entertaining Mario movie.

Matt (00:16:51):

No, that movie sucks. But the movie that came out, the Illumination movie from two years ago was like

Laci (00:16:57):

20 times better.

Matt (00:16:58):

But it was the idea of people love Mario, we have to give them the most faithful, boring, just here’s what you play in your game. This is now it on screen. And

Laci (00:17:10):

People

Matt (00:17:10):

Both reacted like, do we love it? That’s all we ever wanted. And it made a billion dollars. But the original Mario Brothers movie was like, the idea was we can’t literally put this on screen. We have to be very, very loose with what we’re doing.

Laci (00:17:29):

It was just about the two brothers, right? And plumbing.

Matt (00:17:31):

Well, it’s like this steampunk thing with real dinosaurs and

Laci (00:17:34):

Oh, maybe I’m not remembering it all. It’s shocking.

Matt (00:17:39):

The Street Fighter, the movie had come out the year before Mortal Kombat and it was way less of a literal adaptation. It was also a lot goofier. And I think the idea was can we make, have you seen the Street Fighter movie?

Laci (00:17:52):

I don’t know.

Matt (00:17:53):

I just watched it for the first time. It is

Laci (00:17:56):

Very, can you show me some scenes from it? Just some pictures, not video. I think that I thought this was going to be that

Matt (00:18:04):

Raul Julia from Adam’s family is the main villain. He’s really good in it. But John Claude Van Dam is the,

Laci (00:18:12):

No, I’ve not seen this.

Matt (00:18:14):

Yeah, it’s more of a campy, silly movie.

Laci (00:18:18):

It looks a little more power Rangers ish.

Matt (00:18:20):

Yeah. This guy in your history Kazen Off is positioning him as the visionary who saw the future video game movies. It’s going to be huge quote. I never thought we were making a movie based on the video game. I always thought what we had to do was imply that the video game is the first incarnation of some story that exists, sort of one up the pyramid. I always thought there’s a story that exists, and the first incarnation of that story was the video game. Now let’s go back to that story. Well and see how we can craft a movie from that. It doesn’t contradict the video game. It adds to it. It’s an interesting way to look at it.

Laci (00:18:55):

Yeah. I mean he definitely was a visionary and that he saw that video games would become movies in a way, just not that they’d become movies inside of the video game itself. I mean, I think feels like that’s really the way video games have evolved is playing a video game is more like playing in a real world in a

Matt (00:19:11):

Movie. So this project was picked up by New Line Cinema and they hired as their director Paul WS Anderson. He is credited as Paul Anderson on this movie because this was before the more successful Paul Thomas Anderson broke out onto the scene. But Mr. Anderson, master Anderson, a British filmmaker, known for his debut movie shopping in 1994. That movie got him the job on Mortal Kombat, but he is a relatively inexperienced filmmaker and they had not actually settled on a script. The script was ultimately written by Kevin Droney, and as I said before, he’s not interviewed in the oral history. There are some people in the oral history who said he wasn’t happy with what they did with his script, but they also don’t seem happy with his script itself. Paul Ws Anderson would go on to Direct Event Horizon Resident Evil.

Laci (00:19:54):

Oh, that’s why he’s with her. Mila Jo.

Matt (00:19:56):

And she is Mila Jovovich and she’s his wife and his muse. She’s in all of his movies.

Laci (00:20:04):

Was she in this movie?

Matt (00:20:06):

No, not this movie, but he has a movie coming out in March starring her and Dave Patista based on a George R. Martin short story, which kind of exciting to

Laci (00:20:16):

Me.

Matt (00:20:17):

So who’s going to play Luke Kang the lead of the movie?

Laci (00:20:20):

Well, they definitely have to put the meat of the action and what is the real draw of this movie on someone who knows what they’re doing? And I think they did a good job. He’s definitely the best part of the movie.

Matt (00:20:33):

And it’s not the huge budget movie, but it’s a big Hollywood production and they’re going to put at the center of it an Asian person. And that’s not necessarily something that Hollywood is always doing. But because of that, they went on a very extensive search that led them to Robin Shoe, who was a Hong Kong American actor, raised in America, but had spent his past decade or so in Hong Kong, very successful in the Hong Kong film industry as an actor, a martial artist, and a stunt man. He made 40 movies in Hong Kong before he went over to Hollywood. Yeah,

Laci (00:21:05):

He is ripped.

Matt (00:21:06):

So Robin Shu said it was the toughest casting process. I was working in Hong Kong back then, but I was visiting the US because I’m from here originally. A friend of mine from an agency said says they’re casting for this movie Mortal Kombat. At first I laughed because Mortal Kombat is the dumbest name. Mortal Kombat. A video game turned into a movie. A good friend of mine kept hounding me saying, you should really go for this, meet for them. I read seven times. My Asian friend had never heard of anyone who had to read seven times. I had to read for the producers, the director, the casting director, the line producer, and then my final reading was with New Line. They were really hands-on as far as picking this Asian lang because he is an Asian lead and they’re investing millions. It was grueling, especially now you have to meet with the studio after all of that. You can tell that’s like, I don’t know about this. Jesus, it’s supposed to be an Asian character. You’re going to get an Asian person no matter what. But they’re

Laci (00:21:57):

Like, right, why do you have to abuse the one that’s doing the best?

Matt (00:22:01):

But it seems like he, because of his experience in the industry doing martial arts movies, he really helped Anderson direct the fight scenes.

Laci (00:22:10):

That’s good.

Matt (00:22:11):

Because Anderson had never done it before. And like Robin Schu talks about how he had to teach him things like for Robin Chu’s first fight scene. He said they shot the whole sequence in a master shot several times, and then he had to take him aside and he’s like, that’s not what you do. You’re going to kill us. You only have to do your master shot for the two seconds. You’re going to use it because otherwise you’re cutting away. You’re cutting up to closeups, you’re cutting up to our limbs, you’re cutting to impacts. So he didn’t know these very basic things.

Laci (00:22:40):

I don’t understand.

Matt (00:22:41):

Okay, so you set up your camera to get both actors in full frame. Ultimately, you’re only going to use a few seconds of that. So you decide ahead of time, what do you want them to do, rather than just saying, guys, just do the whole thing. I’ll just watch you do the whole thing a few times. And he said, no, no, no, we’re going to die if you keep making us do this. So very simple things like that. He had to help him out. But what about the others? So they cast Linden Ashby as Johnny Cage, and they gave him a lot of leash to improv his dialogue. He came up with, thank God he didn’t park the car, and those were $500 sunglasses, asshole. There’s generally a lot of improv on this movie, I think especially in the first 30 minutes, and that’s probably why I like that

Speaker 3 (00:23:24):

Section

Matt (00:23:24):

The best because Luke Hang is such an asshole, but he’s so happy. So he’s having so much fun being an asshole to him. It seems though they’re kind of improv and to play Sonia Blade, they get Cameron Diaz because New Line is mid production on the Mask, and they show the Mortal crew the dailies from that movie, and they see Cameron Diaz. They’re like, this is a movie star. So they cast her and she starts getting martial arts training, but she gets injured during training.

Laci (00:23:53):

Do you know her injury? What is injured?

Matt (00:23:56):

No, no, I don’t,

Laci (00:23:57):

Man.

Matt (00:23:57):

So they bring in Bridget Wilson. She said she also had to audition seven times, but she got the role finally when production on Billy Madison wrapped. So it was like them seeing like, okay, another big movie likes her, so we will trust her

Laci (00:24:12):

Mistake.

Matt (00:24:13):

She too did all of her own stunts in fighting.

Laci (00:24:15):

I would fucking hope. So she does four things and all of them are in slow motion. She tires herself out while shadow boxing and just warming up. Just going.

Matt (00:24:27):

Yeah. I did all my own stunts and all my own fighting, which was awesome. I didn’t have as long to prepare as everyone else did because they were able to work with the trainers for a few weeks prior to filming. Luckily, they pushed my big fight scene with Kaino to the end when we were in Thailand filming. So I had the duration of filming to train during lunch or off times. So I mean, there is a,

Laci (00:24:49):

I guess if I’m thinking of her as doing all of it, that’s really her all the time. That’s much more interesting

Matt (00:24:56):

And that the others were probably cast well in advance, and so they had a lot of time to work up to this, whereas they sign her and then ship her off to Thailand.

Laci (00:25:02):

They didn’t explain to her what a person who’s doing special ops is that always has their gun out this with their stupid hat who is just being not quiet or stealth at all, but her whole job is to find the bad guy. But she’s like, he’s over there.

Matt (00:25:17):

I’m looking for the bad guy. I’m

Laci (00:25:18):

Looking for the Matt, the man with the thing, and she’s just beating up people at a concert to get to him. Huh?

Matt (00:25:25):

Where’s Kaino? You did not care for this performance at all. You were very angry at her. The whole movie.

Laci (00:25:31):

It’s fucking, it’s clunky.

Matt (00:25:34):

It’s not great. I agree

Laci (00:25:35):

With you. And her face never gets out of that one position. She’s got a very distinctive, not pleased face, and it is all kinds of pointy and I can’t do it. It’s like a double rock. The rock twice just, I can’t do my eyebrows like that, but she’s displeased most of the movies, so she just looks like that. It’s like, relax your face, relax your face.

Matt (00:26:00):

I mean, she has a lot to be displeased

Laci (00:26:02):

About. Fine, but other people’s faces aren’t that severe and they have more than just one look hers, she just has a very unique face.

Matt (00:26:09):

It is, yeah.

Laci (00:26:11):

Structure.

Matt (00:26:11):

She’s supposed to be a badass. And so the way they communicate that is that she’s displeased all the time.

Laci (00:26:16):

Right? She’s just constantly pissy. It’s like, look, you’re already on this island. You got a couple people who seem to like you. Okay, well how about every single time you talk to me, you go look asshole, back off. I don’t need any help. So you haven’t spoken in 45 minutes and you’re still that hot

Matt (00:26:32):

Until she’s not, until she’s suddenly like, you’re my best friends. But I didn’t see the scene where you realized that you

Laci (00:26:37):

Like it. No. Right. And the fricking dramatic. I can’t have that happen to you from fucking Johnny Cage that comes out of nowhere and she’s like, Ew, on

Matt (00:26:46):

A sun drenched beach

Laci (00:26:48):

In silhouette nearly.

Matt (00:26:50):

And then she gets kidnapped. She’s like, my friends will come for

Laci (00:26:53):

Me. Yes, we are best friends and they haven’t seen me naked yet, and so this Barella, look, I’ve got’s going to be pretty exciting for them. I think the Highlander, okay, you’ve got a picture of the Highlander guy

Matt (00:27:07):

In a cast of unknowns. The big name was Christopher Lamber. Jesus Christ. What?

Laci (00:27:12):

It takes a while to like this guy

Matt (00:27:15):

Now

Laci (00:27:15):

When he just fucking comes out of nowhere. He sounds like he’s a voiceover, but it’s just him walking up to a group of monks who, and he’s just this white guy with this crazy hair, but don’t worry, he’s not white savior guy. He’s a God. So it’s okay that he’s going to tell these people here what to do. It’s just not that coupled with the fact that Luke Kang does not get to be more of a love triangle. I think that’d be more interesting if there was a, who’s going to get Sonya kind of a thing. No, they have to introduce an Asian person. Otherwise it’s not okay that Luke Kang has a love interest.

Matt (00:27:53):

Yeah, that’s interesting.

Laci (00:27:54):

It’s super fricking racist. Well, and they had an Asian league. They can’t, don’t worry guys. He’s not going to get the white girl. That would’ve been just a bridge too far.

Matt (00:28:04):

Yeah. I didn’t even think of that. They have the thing with Katana, although they had a more explicit romance with them, but then they deleted it.

Laci (00:28:11):

They should have swapped them.

Matt (00:28:14):

Well, I mean, yes. I’m sure it is that basis. Well, we can’t have him good with the wine.

Laci (00:28:19):

I mean, it had to be that because it sounds like they were so fucking nervous about millions of dollars being sent on an Asian lead.

Matt (00:28:26):

Yeah.

Laci (00:28:27):

What a nightmare.

Matt (00:28:29):

In the video game mythology, Luke Kang is also the chosen one in the big hero. So I think that they feel like, well, he has to get with Katana because she represents the aristocracy of the other side, trying to lead them to the light. So in that way, they need to have him committed to that. Yeah, but I’m sure the actual explanation is racism. Raiden in the Games is an Asian man. The video game producer said, well, you never actually see his face that clearly in the game. He just has that

Laci (00:29:00):

Hat.

Matt (00:29:01):

So it’s okay. I mean, yeah, it sucks that a character in the games who is Asian gets cast as a white person. But I do love his performance. I love You’ve never seen Highlander?

Laci (00:29:14):

No, I haven’t.

Matt (00:29:14):

It’s

Laci (00:29:15):

So bizarre

Matt (00:29:16):

And credit to that,

Laci (00:29:18):

I’m a God. Hello.

Matt (00:29:21):

The wonderful podcast. We hate movies. Loves Christopher. They’re always doing his voice and so

Laci (00:29:27):

You do it.

Matt (00:29:27):

I’m sure I will also do it. Hi, my name is Reid. It’s Peter Lore or Vincent Price, basically. But they love him and they love his performances so much that when they did an episode on The New Mortal where Raiden is portrayed as an Asian man, but still they were doing the Christopher Landair voice for him. All that they can do.

Laci (00:29:49):

I end up really liking him, but it is jarring that he seems to always appear out of nowhere. He is just sitting on something. I think they’re trying to give this impression of he’s a God. He can pop in and out. He’s made of lightning, but they only show you him get away inside of a lightning flash once. And so the rest of the time it’s just like, did they forget he was in this scene? They just pan over. He’s like, I thought you’d never make it over here. Hell no.

Matt (00:30:11):

They had him for, I think they had him for a more limited amount of time. He was the most expensive member of the cast. He’s the big name in the set, but still it’s like, well, you have the star of Highlander now. He’s a big deal in France. I know that he’s one of their biggest, most respected actors in America.

Laci (00:30:29):

He talk like there,

Matt (00:30:29):

I meant to look up a clip. God, I have to know. Does his voice sound like in French? So here’s a quote from Mr. Lamber. I get lunch with Paulie Anderson and Larry Kassoff and they offered me the part. They gave me the script and it was a fun script before I said yes. I watched Paul’s first movie, which was great. Then with the hat, the robe, the white hair, all this was obviously building the character in the movie because of his powers. He doesn’t need to train to practice. This was also good. It was the one and only action movie you didn’t have to train for.

Laci (00:31:03):

And they’re not going to look at my body at all. I don’t have to be ripped.

Matt (00:31:06):

Right. But it’s funny in Highlander that the role in Highlander that describes as Sean Connery. Sean Connery’s, in that movie he only filmed for a week and it is a performance where he’s just standing or sitting the whole time, but just like, ah, good job Highlander.

Laci (00:31:20):

I also talk gravelly and weird

Matt (00:31:21):

And he’s the sort of mystical, slightly elusive kind of trickster God. But this guy, I just love his energy. I love, he

Laci (00:31:32):

Seems like he’s having a good time.

Matt (00:31:34):

Yes.

Laci (00:31:34):

He seems like a nice guy

Matt (00:31:35):

And he’s constantly saying that’s his vocal tick. Everything he says, he has a, but in this movie at least then he goes, sorry, you planet is doomed. I’m sorry. This movie was a big hit. It earned 125 million worldwide against a 20 million

Laci (00:31:54):

Budget that paid for the boat.

Matt (00:31:56):

Oh, there you go.

Laci (00:31:58):

Some leaky boat bitch. It’s a fucking amazing, mythical weird. This ain’t a leaky boat.

Matt (00:32:05):

There are a lot of lines where they’re like, they see some incredible,

Laci (00:32:08):

Right, some architecture, some impossible thing. He’s made a fucking lightning

Matt (00:32:14):

And somebody will just say, you got to be kidding me.

Laci (00:32:16):

That’s what I’m saying. Except for like fucking Johnny Cage will land on a skeleton and be like, oh, but you just fought one. You just touch one. You just punched one. Then you lay it on it, and now it’s gross. We need some consistency. Johnny. Johnny,

Matt (00:32:31):

This movie’s great. Let’s now talk about the movie itself.

Movie Discussion 

Laci (00:33:12):

Mortal Kombat!

Matt (00:33:13):

Now do the rest of this movie.

Laci (00:33:18):

Sweet Dreams are made of,

Matt (00:33:21):

I wrote in my notes, no foreplay at all. Just jumps in and fucks you with its giant dick.

Laci (00:33:26):

As soon as it does that, I’m like, you were like, it’s already good. And I’m like, I’m going off of your energy and I’m thinking, I was like, I think this might be the Guy Spice World, because I feel like Spice World also just happens with, I tell you what a mom want. You’re just like, yeah, we’re going to do fucking Spice Girls in a Van, the Hometown. I thought you liked Spice World.

Matt (00:33:46):

Oh yeah. Spice World episode coming. Definitely. The only problem is it’s not streaming probably for music license reasons, but that’s weird. I like for people to get to watch the movie when we cover it, but yeah, I’d love to talk about Spice World a movie that when I saw it in theaters, I said, that’s the funniest movie I’ve ever seen.

Laci (00:34:01):

See, but am I wrong? I haven’t seen it in 30 years, and I feel like it comes out the gate. Just like this movie was like,

Matt (00:34:10):

We brave. Let’s get a double Decker bus. Nope. I will tell you how that movie opens. It opens in a studio with them seeking their ballad. Too much something. It’s just as

Laci (00:34:24):

That’s Got it.

Matt (00:34:27):

Well, I think I feel about this movie, the way you feel about Dirty Dancing or something. I’m just like,

Laci (00:34:31):

That one does come out. No, because it comes out with fucking narration, voiceover. I’m just saying, I was trying to think of another movie that just starts this way. I mean, it starts in the way you think that this movie’s going to end. It’s like, nope, we’re doing closing time at the beginning of the concert and the end of the concert.

Matt (00:34:47):

Oh yes. Limp Bizkit is doing that with break stuff these days. They open and close their shows with people. What about

Laci (00:34:53):

Faith is obviously the best fucking song that is. Right?

Matt (00:34:56):

I think that I would’ve agreed with you until I

Laci (00:35:00):

Watched it in White 2K movie.

Matt (00:35:02):

We saw the Kyle Mooney’s movie, Y 2K, and then I ended up, my Spotify algorithm is fucked because sometimes I listen to music I like, and a lot of times I just listen to new metal and I’m like, is there an incognito mode I can go on? Anyway, I listened to most of Limp Biz’s big hits, and I was like, no. Break Stuff is definitely the best song.

Laci (00:35:21):

Yeah. I mean, faith relies too much on Fred Durst singing for real, which isn’t great, but the parts that are great are the best fucking thing ever. I think

Matt (00:35:32):

Break your, get the fucking face tonight. That’s always going to be satisfying.

Laci (00:35:37):

No, get the fuck up. That’s the only, that’s the best part. No, no. It is a pretty good lay where you know, an orgasm’s coming and you’re like, this has been pretty enjoy best orgasm ever. That’s

Matt (00:35:51):

That. That’s what it was in my memory. Now here’s another thing about that movie, Y 2K is it has a whole crowd singing Faith, although they do Interesting. They do the George Michael version in that movie. It’s interesting. I’ve never heard him actually sing the chorus. No,

Laci (00:36:05):

He sings the chorus in his song too.

Matt (00:36:06):

Oh, he doesn’t? He screams it. He doesn’t sing it like George Michael in the

Laci (00:36:10):

Studio. Oh, the chorus. I’m sorry. The chorus. The chorus.

Matt (00:36:12):

But when I was in sixth grade at parties, the whole

Laci (00:36:16):

Party, you went to parties and say Fucker and birthday parties.

Matt (00:36:20):

My private school. Well, yeah, they were birthday parties. No, we would also have,

Laci (00:36:24):

We would party with a bounce house and juice box.

Matt (00:36:27):

Yeah. And the whole sixth grade, all 12 of us would all sing. Well, I guess it would be nice if I get the ass off touch. Yes. Anyway.

Laci (00:36:39):

Oh, right. Mortal Kombat.

Matt (00:36:41):

This movie opens so confidently the first, I mean, just the first 10 seconds are so confident. Just open the movie with that song and it’s so loud and just hitting you right away. I think techno music also just activates me in a way that I didn’t realize.

Laci (00:36:56):

I need to see Blade, then I want to see you activated.

Matt (00:36:59):

I don’t remember that having techno music

Laci (00:37:00):

Really? Is there not a whole techno death scene with blood?

Matt (00:37:04):

That sounds right.

Laci (00:37:04):

Yeah, I, I’ve never seen

Matt (00:37:05):

It. It’s very good. I’ve only seen it once.

Laci (00:37:07):

All right.

Matt (00:37:08):

I worked at a laser tag for four years, and so I heard Mortal Kombat and songs like this over and over and over again for four years.

Laci (00:37:14):

I went to Rave, so I heard it a few times.

Matt (00:37:17):

Then we cut to a temple or something with very intimidating Shang, the villain of the movie, and he’s just destroying this poor little guy. And then he points directly into the camera and he says, yo brother Soul is mine, and you will be next.

Laci (00:37:30):

And he knows that it’s real finally, because he dreamt that. And then he gets a, we don’t know, he doesn’t get a phone call or anything. He just goes there and he is like, so where’d my brother die?

Matt (00:37:39):

It is a strength of this movie that a lot of stuff is not explained

Laci (00:37:42):

Fine.

Matt (00:37:44):

I don’t want to get bogged down in all of the, let’s

Laci (00:37:45):

Not, let’s not get Bogg down and

Matt (00:37:47):

Talk you. And I’m saying, I don’t want the movie to get so bogged down. But how did Luang learn about this? That’s not true. He’s dreaming about this because he saw the telegram from his grandfather telling him that his brother died. He’s in America. His whole family’s back in China.

Laci (00:38:01):

I know that.

Matt (00:38:02):

And he just feels residual guilt. Lemme say this Shank played by Carrie Hir. Yuki Tagawa. And this performance is so much fun.

Laci (00:38:12):

It’s deliciously evil.

Matt (00:38:13):

Yes. He understands the assignment perfectly.

Laci (00:38:15):

Yes, yes, yes. I need everyone to understand the assignment.

Matt (00:38:20):

Yes. But he’s a great physical performer as we see in his fighting at the end of the movie. But until then, he’s great at being a sinister mustache twirling villain. And he loves being evil.

Laci (00:38:31):

That’s delicious.

Matt (00:38:32):

So then we get some glorious scuz when we go to this club in Hong Kong and Sonia Blade

Laci (00:38:39):

Her fucking outfit, man. Why is she dressed like that? She looks like a little soldier, but it’s like you’re freelance. You work for yourself. You don’t have to pick this outfit. You look like a fucking mime busboy. I hate what she’s wearing.

Matt (00:38:57):

Who disagrees with you? With Steve Jobs?

Laci (00:38:59):

Yeah. He doesn’t wear the stupid hat. It’s the fucking hat. I’m okay with the turtleneck.

Matt (00:39:03):

She’s special forces. And her partner Jacks, they’re just marching through a club. And I look,

Laci (00:39:08):

She’s a fucking private investigator and she just does research and stuff, but then her partner gets killed. Now she’s like, I need an oozy. I’m a special force. She just looks like she’s LARPing. She sucks at being special. I don’t like her.

Matt (00:39:22):

They’re making their way through this mid nineties club

Laci (00:39:24):

By hitting people.

Matt (00:39:25):

At a certain point they end up shooting a guy, a Noah in the club notices, because the two busy dancing. I love it. But we see Caino Caino talking to sh and he’s like, you got to lure Sonia to the ship. Oh, you sure she’ll follow Mike?

Laci (00:39:40):

You sure Mike? Right?

Matt (00:39:41):

Oh, she’ll follow you. And again, this movie’s just trucking along. It is hurdling through all of this. We meet Johnny Cage entering a warehouse or something. We don’t know that this is a movie.

Laci (00:39:54):

Right. And we’re sure. Do we know if he’s doing his own fighting? He’s good. He does his splits.

Matt (00:40:02):

He’s very good. Oh, he’s very good.

Laci (00:40:06):

He wears his sunglasses twice in my head. I’m like, okay. They really shoehorned those sunglasses in out of fucking nowhere. And then you showed me the little screenshot of the video games. Of course, this character’s known for his sunglasses and they forgot to use them. You’re on a beach. You’re on an island. You could have used them the whole time. That’s

Matt (00:40:23):

A good time to use your sunglasses. So he’s confronting all these well-dressed goons. And he’s like, let’s dance. And it’s funny because you don’t know you’re watching a movie and you’re like, this is a little too, oh, it is a movie. He’s an actor. And he tells one of the goons doesn’t fall down, and he says, this is where you fall down. And then the goon drops down. Now as a kid, I didn’t understand what just happened. I was like, that’s his catchphrase.

Laci (00:40:45):

This

Matt (00:40:45):

Is where you fall down. And that caused the guy to fall down.

Laci (00:40:48):

I think it’s good. I like it.

Matt (00:40:50):

We zoom out, it’s a movie shoot. And the director is dressed like Steven Spielberg. He’s in fact, in the script. This was Steven Spielberg and Steven Spielberg, who was a big video game Dork, said, I’d love to be in your movie. He’s been in movie. He’s an Austin Powers in Gold member. Remember happened. But he couldn’t appear because of a scheduling

Laci (00:41:08):

Conflict. But I allow you to use my likeness.

Matt (00:41:12):

Yeah. And Johnny Cage is like, I’m fucking out of here. This is bullshit. These fucking goons keep blowing my takes. And the director’s like, Johnny, you can’t walk off the set. I’m going to be directing traffic.

Laci (00:41:25):

I love the idea that there’s a movie set and then a set of a movie set on the outside. And then if you zoom back one more, there’s an actual camera in actual movies. Yes, I love that idea.

Matt (00:41:36):

But then what if he zoomed out even further?

Laci (00:41:38):

You’d be in the parking lot.

Matt (00:41:40):

He goes to his chair and in his chair is a man reading some tabloids. The tabloids say, Johnny Cage is a fake.

Laci (00:41:47):

It’s just him going like this.

Matt (00:41:50):

His storyline is, that’s

Laci (00:41:51):

His motivation. He’s so fucking shallow. They think, I’m not really doing this. And it’s like, oh, well, you know what you could do. And this guy’s fucking special powers. He’s a shapeshifter. He onlys it two times. Let us just say, so he thinks it’s some guy he knows saying there’s this competition you could really show everyone. Everyone would say how real it is. Everyone who’s dead or part of some sort of outer world or who’s not, who’s on this island. These people don’t have access to the local tabloids. You should just go on a crowded street in LA and start doing it.

Matt (00:42:25):

Yeah.

Laci (00:42:25):

Well, problem solved Johnny

Matt (00:42:28):

Also, aren’t you shooting a movie? He says, you should probably just shoot. Here’s what you do. The boat leaves tomorrow at 4:00 PM out of Pier 40 in Hong Kong. It doesn’t ask any more questions.

Laci (00:42:38):

I’m sure there’s only 40 piers in Hong Kong. They don’t have a fishing community. 1, 2, 3, 4. This is a 40th one. I counted. There’s some beautiful fucking places they go. That’s real, right?

Matt (00:42:51):

Yeah. Most of the movie was shot in Thailand on,

Laci (00:42:54):

It’s gorgeous

Matt (00:42:55):

In Thailand. Some wasn’t filled in California.

Laci (00:42:58):

But I feel like people aren’t in awe of any of it at any point in the movie. They’re like, oh, those

Matt (00:43:02):

No. They’re like, give me a break.

Laci (00:43:04):

Pointy. I guess they needed a change of scenery. It’s like you’re so fucking cocky that this outland or whatever it’s called outside. What’s it called? Out world. Out world is shit. It’s like you just probably popped in at nighttime. Oh, it’s dark here. But you did want some change of scenery.

Matt (00:43:19):

No wonder they want

Laci (00:43:20):

Just be in a weird, maybe you’re in the fucking Detroit of just kidding.

Matt (00:43:27):

And raiden tells them, I’m going to transport you to the castle. It’s on the outskirts of out world.

Laci (00:43:33):

Exactly.

Matt (00:43:34):

You’re in the outskirts at night. You’re in the bad lands.

Laci (00:43:36):

It looks kind of similar to like a ghost town.

Matt (00:43:42):

I forgot to Laci. The 2021 movie ends right before the tournament starts. The whole movie is them getting to the tournament,

Laci (00:43:50):

Shut the fuck up. Just because it’s the ification of everything has to be a part two.

Matt (00:43:57):

And they’re like, we need to find some more reinforcements. Where are we going to start? And then they just pan over to a poster of a movie starring Johnny Cage.

Laci (00:44:05):

No.

Matt (00:44:06):

And then the

Laci (00:44:06):

Movie,

Matt (00:44:07):

He’s not even in

Laci (00:44:07):

It. He’s not even in it. Yeah. Oh my God. And these actors, who are these actors?

Matt (00:44:10):

They’re nobody’s

Laci (00:44:11):

Fucking idiots,

Matt (00:44:13):

Dumb asses way

Laci (00:44:14):

To not have your goals met. All right. So in my memory, I’m like, oh look, he’s already at the tournament. He just needed a bad dream to make him go. Anyway, I guess he went home and there’s a bunch of monks. It’s beautiful ruins and stuff. And he just walks up to the tallest monk. Luckily they’re in size order. And he says, is that where my brother died? It’s like, I don’t know. Does that shit look majestic as hell? Yes. Your brother died there. I guess he was part of a monkey. And

Matt (00:44:45):

Yes, this is

Laci (00:44:46):

A monkey.

Matt (00:44:47):

The temple of some subtitles tell us, this is the temple of light in China.

Laci (00:44:52):

Oh, that’s why Ray Ray, Ray of light, Ray D is the leader or is over this particular group of fighters because he is the God of light.

Matt (00:45:03):

Oh, he’s the God of lightning and thunder. Of course

Laci (00:45:05):

Lightning

Matt (00:45:06):

In this religion. What’s this religion? Why it’s me. I mean, they’re supposed to be Chinese shallen monks. Now they named Luang. Luang is named after the famous star of Kung Fu movies, Gordon Li. And they originally intended him to, in the games, to be bald, to be dressed in monk’s garb. But the actor who was doing the likeness for Luang, because again, in the game, it’s photographs of actors. He said, I’m not shaving my head. So instead they remodeled him to look more like Bruce Lee, and they decided his characteristic will be

Laci (00:45:44):

Clothed hair

Matt (00:45:45):

Renegade monk, which is just a great phrase.

Laci (00:45:48):

He gr his

Matt (00:45:48):

Hair. I’m a renegade

Laci (00:45:50):

And I’m not quiet. I wear all my clothes.

Matt (00:45:54):

He goes and talks to his grandfather. His grandfather’s mad for him having abandoned the monk.

Laci (00:45:59):

He seems kind of chill.

Matt (00:46:01):

Well, but he just makes some comments like a television is rotted his brain.

Laci (00:46:05):

Well, he’s here. He took the first fucking flight back over here. As soon as he had a bad dream,

Matt (00:46:10):

His grandfather’s telling him about the tournament. And so they know about the tournament.

Laci (00:46:14):

They’ve been training for it their whole lives. They all believe in this thing and celebrate this God that God who’s real, who’s right here. This one that has lightning eyes and you, Luke don’t

Matt (00:46:24):

Believe it. Luke like, oh, that’s not real. He’s right there with his

Laci (00:46:27):

Lightning eyes. No one just has silver hair like that with that hat. Can’t get away with that

Matt (00:46:31):

Hat. This kind of reminds me of the Matrix when before Neo goes into the Matrix, but he knows what, he knows the phrase, the matrix. And he asks, he meets up with Trinity. What is the matrix? And I’ve always wanted to know. So wait, what do they think the matrix is when they’re just hackers and how do they even find out about it?

Laci (00:46:50):

Don’t blow my mind. I can’t think of two fight movies at once.

Matt (00:46:53):

What do they understand the tournament to be? So the

Laci (00:46:57):

Okay, but at least there’s some frame of reference for that. It’s a tournament. That means you’re going to fight and if you win, you progress. You progress. You progress.

Matt (00:47:03):

Yeah. So it’s like Luke hangs like, no, there is a tournament, but it’s not going to decide the fate of the world. It’s going to determine who gets a medal. I think that’s the tension here. But his grandfather is like, no, our whole religion is based around this being the savior of the world. So he gives a speech, he’s like, Luke hang has been selected to represent us in the tournament. He is the chosen one. And I like how vague this movie can be, but I also am a little annoyed. Can we get one sentence of explanation of what that means? The chosen one. Okay. Raiden

Laci (00:47:37):

Chose him

Matt (00:47:38):

Or

Laci (00:47:39):

Raiden knows him.

Matt (00:47:40):

He’s Raiden knows him. He wants to go to the tournament because he knows that the man who killed his brother will be there and he can fight him in the tournament.

Laci (00:47:47):

He’s not ready, Matt.

Matt (00:47:49):

But the elders reject this reason. No, you fight for mankind, not for yourself or something like that. And then a mysterious,

Laci (00:47:57):

Well then why are you sending me a telegram about mankind? Grandpa, you’re sending me a telegram about my brother.

Matt (00:48:02):

Yeah. We’re concerned about earthly matters or aren’t we?

Laci (00:48:04):

He’s been sending him telegrams for weeks. All of mankind probably going to die. Love grandpa.

Matt (00:48:12):

So we hear this, he

Laci (00:48:14):

Probably killed his fucking brother.

Matt (00:48:16):

Yeah. Again, they know Shang killed him because how? I don’t know. Don’t worry about it.

Laci (00:48:21):

He stepped on his back. He fucking broke his spine.

Matt (00:48:25):

So a mysterious voice offscreen leads to

Laci (00:48:30):

Show you came back. You longhaired freak

Matt (00:48:32):

This incredible movie star, hero reveal for Christopher. I mean, it’s like, it’s revealing.

Laci (00:48:38):

They laid him bare.

Matt (00:48:38):

It is like how they reveal Indiana Jones. It’s like pad up and then the hat comes up. Oh, it’s a white guy.

Laci (00:48:45):

Yes. And what I say is, what the fuck the fuck is this? This better be the most decrepit, weird old Asian man. It’s a fucking elf from Lord of the Rings. What is happening?

Matt (00:48:57):

All of it shall end monks start bowing down. And Luke King’s angry. He’s like, Raiden, come on grandfather. Get off this

Laci (00:49:03):

Fucking guy. But he’s at least replying to him the way I’m like, yeah, what this fucking guy?

Matt (00:49:09):

He says, this isn’t your God of thunder and lightning. He’s just a beggar, beggar, beg, have they been feeding him? Bear and Nico help Ave. He says, oh, don’t tell me you’re afraid of a simple bagger. And then Luke Kang charges at him, but then Raiden just casually flips him over and then his eyes sparkle with lightning.

Laci (00:49:30):

He’s like, it is. Maybe you. I’m still not convinced.

Matt (00:49:34):

So Luke Kang is like, if you’re so great, why did you let Chand die? Why didn’t you protect him? Why didn’t you

Laci (00:49:39):

Just answering the question my guy. You’re the one that’s the fucking God of thunder and light. Or that’s Thor.

Matt (00:49:47):

This is the message at the end of the movie is like, if somebody dies, it’s their fault.

Laci (00:49:54):

We’re all responsible for our mortal.

Matt (00:49:56):

I mean, yeah, it’s a libertarian movie. Robert Nozik, I think did a pass on the screenplay, but that’s okay. So Luke Kang then marches grumbly off and Raiden watches him. And

Laci (00:50:07):

I don’t want to go to the fucking

Matt (00:50:09):

Grandfather. Kang is like, that boy is our last hope and Raiden or something. And that’s from Star Wars. He’s like,

Speaker 3 (00:50:18):

I like him.

Matt (00:50:19):

Raiden says, unfortunately, there’s no one else. So they just have to do with Luke hang flawed as he

Laci (00:50:25):

Is. Well, I mean, but how pissed is Luke King if he finds out like, Hey, hey, the tournament’s not here, it’s in la. Go back where you just came from. He’s going to be jet lagged as fuck.

Matt (00:50:33):

That’s true. I guess. No, he wasn’t told to go to Pier 40 in Hong Kong.

Laci (00:50:38):

Also Pier one and he got a great living room set

Matt (00:50:41):

Also, we assume. Yeah, Hong Kong, China, they’re right next to each other. This could be all the way on the other side of China. For all we know, he’s

Laci (00:50:47):

Got to be tired. He’s got to fight.

Matt (00:50:49):

They go to Pier 40 in Hong Kong

Laci (00:50:51):

And it’s the right pier because of the double dragon boat. The rests just a bunch of schooners. Anyway, Luke, Johnny Cage is just confidently walking with one bag, but the knee ends up having 20. Then he never changes his clothes the entire time he is on the island. So it’s all very confusing to me. But anyway,

Matt (00:51:10):

Well eventually he just drops his luggage down that giant steer.

Laci (00:51:13):

He might’ve paid people, but he sees a guy that he recognizes as a fighter. I guess he’s a real fighter guy. So he knows other fighters. His name is Art something.

Matt (00:51:23):

Art Lean.

Laci (00:51:24):

Art Lean. You look like a fighter. You’re great. I saw you fight in in a movie and what were you talking about? I just saw it. You were on the street. I just saw it in

Speaker 3 (00:51:32):

A

Matt (00:51:32):

Fight.

Laci (00:51:33):

Anyway, but then he turns and sees an Asian person. It’s like you’re in a martial arts competition. Right. But you turn and you see an Asian man, you’re like, take my bags and here’s some money. You work at Pier 40, right? This is your pier.

Matt (00:51:47):

Yeah. So Luang has the appropriate reaction to it.

Laci (00:51:49):

Wait, it’s funny. Yeah.

Matt (00:51:50):

He happily takes his money, picks up his luggage, and then throws it in the water and then looks back at him and just has the most mean spirited grin. It’s so good. It’s so funny.

Laci (00:51:59):

It’s so funny. And we’re just meeting the gang. We got cocky, Johnny. We got, I don’t want to pee here, Lou. We’ve got art who disappears immediately. And then we have pissed off Sonia, and they’re all like, I’m not, but Sonia’s still hunting down half a face guy. So she just followed him here and she thinks he’s on the boat. So she’s like piss off. Gentlemen. I, I’m following him very so stealth. I’m being so stealth right now with my fricking machine gun in my stupid hat.

Matt (00:52:34):

Yeah. She’s somewhere in the distance scoping it out. And Canno knows that’s Kano basically gets on the boat

Laci (00:52:41):

A barrel

Matt (00:52:42):

And she’s like, oh, shit, I got to get Kano and then the boat takes off. The boat is way away from the pier and she’s running after it. Now we

Laci (00:52:48):

Don’t Did you watch the movie again? Did you see her run Pull up a clip right now of her running?

Matt (00:52:54):

I guess I can’t verify. I can’t remember if she’s, I It’s worth it. She’s leisurely.

Laci (00:52:59):

No, it is worse than the running in the craft. It’s worse.

Matt (00:53:03):

The boat is pulling away. It’s like 20 feet out to sea. We don’t see her jumping into the water or swimming or whatever. We’ve been just cut on the boat. She

Laci (00:53:11):

And

Matt (00:53:11):

She’s on the boat now.

Laci (00:53:12):

Okay, great. Now they’re on the boat. Now they’re all going to this thing and most of them don’t want to go and half of ’em don’t understand what it is. And there’s a fucking ton of people that are going to fight and we get to know none of them. And they all wear the same outfit, so they’re not important.

Matt (00:53:27):

Yeah. But economy of storytelling, we get it. Our three heroes are together at last and we know these are the ones we need to keep our eye on. Got it. The production design for the boat. I’m little

Laci (00:53:37):

Confused about Arlene, but all right.

Matt (00:53:39):

They do set up Arlene. He’s going to be a big fucking deal.

Laci (00:53:42):

And then they have their witty little exchange, him and Lou, and then Arch’s just fucking gone.

Matt (00:53:48):

Yeah,

Laci (00:53:49):

You made a friend. You got a lot of people on that boat. You don’t,

Matt (00:53:53):

But the production design of the boat is so great. Just

Laci (00:53:56):

It looks metal.

Matt (00:53:57):

It looks like Pirates of the Caribbean, the ride. But in a good way. And so our three heroes, they reluctantly team up and then we meet Shang. Yes.

Laci (00:54:05):

They’re really revealing these guys that they’re going to fight early. It’s strange. It’s just like, Hey, welcome to this feast. It’s time. They’re on the island now, right?

Matt (00:54:15):

No, they’re still on the boat. They’re just walking around the boat. They’re like, I got to find Canto or something. No, I got to find Shang. He killed my brother. You’re not going to find him. I’m going to find him. And then Shang is like, Ooh, yes, the three guys are here. Welcome to my boat. And now you’ll meet Scorpion and Subzero Eternal warriors. But now under command as my slaves, which they don’t

Laci (00:54:39):

Explain.

Matt (00:54:40):

They’re about to attack the heroes. Subzero freezes. Sonya’s gun, scorpions. CGI thing comes out of his hand, but then raid and teleports into the room and he’s like, your Sal freaks attack my finders. That is expressly forbidden before the tournament.

Laci (00:54:54):

Okay, so mortal just means you can die. Doesn’t mean you’re not also someone with magical powers then. Yeah, that’s right. I didn’t realize that. I was like, what are all these non mortals fighting? This is a mortal combat. Like they’re, they die so Right.

Matt (00:55:07):

Well they are mortals.

Laci (00:55:09):

Yeah, no, now I understand. I just had a dumb thought of it in my head while we’re watching. This is their freaking rules. This is that guy’s not normal.

Matt (00:55:18):

What tournament? Sonia Blain asks, you’ve been chosen Sonya. Much to my delight. Shong a horny bad guy also adds another good layer over

Laci (00:55:28):

It. I’ve got just the dress for you and I I’m going to blow out that hair, girl.

Matt (00:55:33):

So here’s the thing that’s going on is we got Raiden explains. We live in a universe where you’ve got earth. You know how you think of earth as a planet? Well, it’s also a realm. A realm. Oh of course. A realm. And then there’s also out world, which is a different realm. Different realm. And out world wants to take over earth. But to do that, here’s the thing, it needs to have a 10 game winning streak in the tournament.

Laci (00:55:54):

But then there’s also subterranean world, right? Where the guy with four hands

Matt (00:55:58):

Comes from. Oh, there’s all kinds of other realms.

Laci (00:55:59):

Yes. That guy came up

Matt (00:56:01):

And they’ve won nine tournaments in a row. Where were these tournaments? If they win the next one, it’s all over.

Laci (00:56:07):

I’m sorry. If Lou is the chosen one, why didn’t he just do the first one? And also

Matt (00:56:12):

These things work on cosmic time skills. There’s probably a thousand years earlier.

Laci (00:56:16):

Got you. I understand now. So I mean they set up these characters to look like no human, regular, non-ag person could fight them. So I’m thinking, oh, they won’t have to fight those guys. They’re going to fight all these other men on the boat. Mortals, I was wrong,

Matt (00:56:33):

But I love that. Every time Raiden or Shong is like, yeah, the universe you’re playing, it might get conquered. They’re not like, wait, what? They just accepted it. It’s nice.

Laci (00:56:43):

Yeah. I mean if you’ve got this boat. Yeah.

Matt (00:56:46):

Raiden has looked into all three of their souls and he’s decided, I don’t know which of you, but one of you is going to decide the fate of the tournament.

Laci (00:56:54):

Your souls are murky,

Matt (00:56:55):

The fate of billions. Will it depend up upon you? Sorry, sorry. But he doesn’t think Luke Kang is ready to win the tournament because all Luke Kang cares about is venues

Laci (00:57:06):

Dead. Brother. What a baby.

Matt (00:57:10):

So they arrive at the island.

Laci (00:57:11):

The sails on that boat how they got anywhere at all. I don’t know. It’s like it’s a crazy old lady in Kansas’ yard art. It looks like he just catches wind every fucking direction. This boat must look at those sails. They catch every wind.

Matt (00:57:25):

Yeah, that’s why it takes so long.

Laci (00:57:27):

I don’t think you understood my Kansas joke, but it’s fine.

Matt (00:57:30):

Are you talking about Yes, I did understand it after thinking about it. Yes, I got it. Love. Good job. They arrive at the island and the rules of physics don’t seem to apply. Sonia’s phone doesn’t work anymore. Her compass is scrambled

Laci (00:57:44):

And Nan Lou knows that she’s wearing a compass under her watch.

Matt (00:57:48):

Check your compass. It’s going all kinds of directions. And Johnny Cage is like, what’s going on? And Lou Kang says, I don’t know, but what if all the legends were true? And then he walks off and Johnny Cage says, what?

Laci (00:57:58):

Legends, right? Yes. I do appreciate that. They each get one point or another. Stand in for the audience like whatcha talking about Also, Sonya, when you get up to a majestic magical island and your first fucking thing is that you literate that phone’s going to last for eternity, just put the phone in your bag. It might work when you get back too off of this island.

Matt (00:58:19):

Just ugly Americans. Doesn’t matter where they go.

Laci (00:58:21):

I think she owns the place and her legs are weird. They don’t touch.

Matt (00:58:26):

Yeah, you said that. What does

Laci (00:58:27):

That mean? They don’t touch just a gap right between them.

Matt (00:58:31):

Her legs supposed to touch. Is that a beauty

Laci (00:58:33):

Standard? All our legs touch Matt. I’m saying humans, their thighs touch. Children have legs that don’t touch. She’s just like stick vagina, stick.

Matt (00:58:43):

It is kind of weird. Yeah, it’s strange. Alright, I don’t want to know these things. You point them out to me and then I can’t unsee them. I

Laci (00:58:48):

Can’t wait for

Matt (00:58:48):

You to see. Don’t about your ear LOEs until you pointed them out to me. And now it’s all I see

Laci (00:58:52):

Lobes.

Matt (00:58:53):

No, it sucks to be you. You smell things. People’s faces look weird. It’s hell.

Laci (00:59:01):

I have thoughts and I’m going to tell you about it later off air. We’re on the air right now.

Matt (00:59:06):

We pass by Princess Katana. She’s just sitting under an umbrella observing. And Shang says,

Laci (00:59:11):

2000 years old

Matt (00:59:12):

Princess Katana, our most dangerous adversary. And Shang gives a speech. There’s this great banquet and he’s hyping up Goro and he’s like, just wait until you see fucking Goro. But now let’s get a preview of what of coming attractions.

Laci (00:59:25):

I’m going to flip this tables the meal that I cooked and then gave you all, you’re not done eating and we could just scoot these to the side. We have people with muscles. They just flip that tag, flip

Matt (00:59:35):

It over, flip it over. So a fighter comes out to face the Sub-Zero. And this fighter, he does a really impressive display in Sub Joe’s, like whatever, freeze. And Chung announces flawless victory because that’s what they say in the game.

Laci (00:59:50):

So

Matt (00:59:50):

They’re incorporating stuff from the game into the movie.

Laci (00:59:52):

They even do. You know how when you don’t know what you’re doing, you just kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.

Matt (00:59:56):

Yeah.

Laci (00:59:56):

And punch, punch, punch. There’s two different times in the movie where they incorporate that into the movie where you’re like, that is a weird sequence. And then I’m like, oh, because people just spam the button. There’s two times as Luke King both times. And I don’t know if it was on purpose, but that’s what I read to me.

Matt (01:00:10):

Luke King. He’s like, I’m going after Chang song. He went that way. So I’m going to follow him. And then Johnny Cajun Sonia are like, I’m going too because I got my own reasons. What are your reasons? It doesn’t matter.

Laci (01:00:20):

We’re best friends. Okay, I hope you never die.

Matt (01:00:22):

And Sonia’s like, but no, I don’t want you to come because I work alone,

Laci (01:00:26):

But I was already walking this way.

Matt (01:00:28):

She wants to get to the bottom of what’s going on. She saw there’s sort of an abandoned thread early in the movie where they’re like, Hey, we just saw a lightning guy and a freeze guy and a snake guy and Sonia’s like it’s all parlor tricks. And she just saw a guy get frozen and she’s like, I want to figure out what’s going on. But then they abandoned this idea that she,

Speaker 3 (01:00:46):

Yeah, she’s got

Laci (01:00:46):

To the

Matt (01:00:47):

Bottom. She’s Dana Scully of Mortal Kombat. So they go to this other hall where Kano is eating the most grand feast of bird meat. Now I still think of this whenever I eat a rotisserie chicken, just beautiful, beautiful leg,

Laci (01:01:01):

You stick. You should stick a stick in the rotisserie chickens we get it’s about the right size, just the whole chicken on a stick that would get you. Have you ever had a Turkey leg at the Renaissance Festival? You’ve never been the Renaissance you think

Matt (01:01:12):

You want? No, but they have them at Disney World, but I’ve never had one.

Laci (01:01:14):

Well, but you think you want one and then you’re like, that’s just a lot of Turkey.

Matt (01:01:17):

I have heard people say that. That get sick of that. You think you want it until you started eating it. I’m like, what am I doing with

Laci (01:01:21):

This? It’s just a lot in your whole, but you know what I think

Matt (01:01:24):

When I hear that, watch me. Yeah. So across the hall is Goro a wonderful looking puppet?

Laci (01:01:30):

He is.

Matt (01:01:31):

Thank you. And Caino is like Shang I say, and Goro gets mad because he really admires Shung. I like

Laci (01:01:38):

Him. He’s my master. I won his contest. Don’t be mean. Is that how he say

Matt (01:01:44):

Don’t be mean Hulk smash. So Shang then comes into the room and Kana iss like, alright, when am I going to get paid? When am I going to get pipe and Chung’s like after you fight with Sonya?

Laci (01:01:56):

Well, so I had to fight. You didn’t,

Matt (01:01:59):

Don’t harm her. There’s plans. We got plans in motion.

Laci (01:02:03):

But all the plan just seems to be he’s got an outfit. He just wants to bone. It’s like you could have sex with lots of people. Do they all need to know how to fight though? It’s a sex

Matt (01:02:13):

Fight. I don’t even know if his plan is he wants to dress her up. It’s like I need her to lure him to lure someone else. I

Laci (01:02:19):

Don’t think so.

Matt (01:02:20):

Chang Song warns Goro, the descendant of Klau Lou Kang is in attendance at the tournament. You got to be really careful, especially if he joins forces with Princess Katana, the emperors adopted daughter.

Laci (01:02:35):

This exposition is most helpful

Matt (01:02:37):

And the three heroes are watching all of this from the side. They’re like 10 feet away

Laci (01:02:40):

From a perfect little perch. It looks like the box prestige seating at a theater.

Matt (01:02:49):

And Johnny Cage says to Lou King, what’s so special about you?

Laci (01:02:52):

I like that. His answer is, I don’t know. I don’t know. I mean, my fists are registered weapons,

Matt (01:02:59):

They try getting out of this temple or whatever, but they get lost. But then they see Princess Katana candles. She has a torch and she’s attempting to lead them out, but it doesn’t work. So they’re following Princess Katana and Johnny Cage is like, why are you following her? You want to go on a date with her or something? And he’s like, I think she’s trying to help us. Will you forget about her? She’s 10,000 years old. And Luke Hank says, so what? But then he gets attacked by reptile who then

Laci (01:03:24):

Escape. That is the most out-of-pocket thing in this movie. Is that even a thing in the Mortal Kombat game, this random reptile?

Matt (01:03:32):

Well, of course reptile is a fighter. He looks fighter just like subzero and Scorpion. I don’t think they have the backstory that he can turn into a real

Laci (01:03:39):

Lizard. It’s his only power. So I mean if it isn’t what he does, then I don’t see why he’s special at all. Subzero is obvious. The other guy with the thing, he’s obvious

Matt (01:03:49):

He can spit venom or something.

Laci (01:03:50):

Can he?

Matt (01:03:51):

Yeah, he doesn’t. So in the first game, he is a and hidden character. So it was always exciting.

Laci (01:03:57):

Oh wait, okay. Because he’s hot. I mean in this movie the Gecko can hide.

Matt (01:04:01):

They’re trying to get out of the temple back to the other temple, but they keep going around in circles and they end up back where they started. But now this banquet haul is empty and then all these thugs come out and Ecto music starts and three heroes are like, it’s time to fight. So they fight ’em and they easily dispatch them. This is the first time we get to see our three heroes in action and it’s very well filmed.

Speaker 4 (01:04:18):

And

Matt (01:04:18):

Robin Chew is great, and Linda Ashby is very good and Bridget Wilson’s obviously the one you have to cut around.

Laci (01:04:24):

Yes, it’s rough, but then it’s over. So that’s good.

Matt (01:04:32):

And then it’s over and then the scene’s over and we go to another scene.

Laci (01:04:35):

But we get to see the sneaky little raiden. He just appears on a perch because then the more fighters are coming and he’s wait, those are fighters aren’t permitted to come kick these people’s ass. But that other group was,

Matt (01:04:49):

I

Laci (01:04:50):

Don’t

Matt (01:04:50):

What is happening. Nothing. No,

Laci (01:04:51):

No one does save it for the island.

Matt (01:04:54):

So they leave this and Hayden’s like, I’m going to give more information to you now. Okay, Shong is a path champion and this is going to kill my voice. Shong is a past champion and he might fight in the tournament and he can fight whoever he chooses. Also, he’s more dangerous even than

Laci (01:05:17):

In a setting of his choice. It’s like, okay, because we’re going to need that final setting and we’re going to complete the set.

Matt (01:05:23):

I choose airport hanger, I choose my house in

Laci (01:05:25):

My bedroom. And then he runs and he’s in another dimension and he’s like, damnit.

Matt (01:05:31):

That’s the thing that happens in the new movie, the final fights. There’s several that happen simultaneously. And it’s like they can happen wherever we want. One of them happens in my house, another one happens in a boxing ring. Then why did we come to the island? So yeah, he’s even more dangerous than Goro. How can that be? And I think that’s a good neat little echo of the game where you’re like, well, nobody could be tougher than Goro. No, just wait until you fight Chang song. But he’s just a guy. Or is he, the tournament begins

Laci (01:06:00):

And they’re in just like an area on the beach that’s mapped out for a fight with people observing it. And you’re like, this makes sense. This sure does look like a tournament. So we get to really see Luke Kang do his thing, and you got Sonia on the beach there and you got someone else. I don’t know, there’s people watching, but for some reason fucking Johnny Cage is not there. But we’ll figure that out later.

Matt (01:06:27):

This is the section of the movie where

Laci (01:06:29):

They’re just,

Matt (01:06:30):

It’s the most video gamey. It’s just fight after fight after

Laci (01:06:32):

Fight, fight, fight, fight. Yes. And it just gets boring that every time they move to a new place, they’re going to shoehorn in some dialogue and they’re trying to build some kind of storytelling, but it’s like, but then they just immediately go to another fight scene and it’s like just do one or the other. You’re not doing either one of them particularly well. I mean the fight scenes, they’re good.

Matt (01:06:55):

They’re all good. Even the Sonya Caino fight and Kano, the actor who plays Canno is Trevor Goddard. He’s so much fun. He also understands the assignment. Yes, just be the biggest slime ball, but sound like this. I Sonya, oh,

Laci (01:07:09):

I do like a break. This cutoff shorts here. I like her fight scene fight. It was much better than I thought it would be. The bewildering forest fight. That seems like a dream and not real. But then the guy does a cartwheel. Well, Johnny Cage is like, did that really fucking happen? What the hell? And then he’s looking back in the trees and all of a sudden you see Scorpion going woo cartwheels in. It’s like that man had one move and they needed you to be special.

Matt (01:07:36):

Watch me watch. No Vic, this guy’s really good is because they get transported into this hell world of wooden planks and I think it’s probably the best individual fight sequence in the movie. Just these two actors are very, very impressive. And when you face one of the ninja guys with the mask, you can just get a legit martial artist or, and Johnny Lyn and Ashby said, the guy who plays Scorpion is his actual martial arts teacher. Yes,

Laci (01:07:58):

He’s good. And they do fun flips and they get up on top of things for reasons. And the

Matt (01:08:05):

New metal on the soundtrack is going nuts. But again, there’s something kind of unsatisfying about just watching video games, video game levels. But Johnny Cage beats him with a saw shield and then Scorpion turns into a skeleton. Oh, and then how does Johnny get out of this hell world? How this real did she, so I typed in, how does Johnny Cage and Google Auto Field get out of the weird layer?

Laci (01:08:29):

Yeah. Because he jumps into his hole on accident by doing a flying kick. So that was, but then you kill the guy and now he can’t make this little wormhole.

Matt (01:08:39):

The explanation I saw was, well, scorpion created this layer. So once he dies, it goes away. You just go back to the

Laci (01:08:46):

Forest. It didn’t. Okay, they’re all winning their fights appropriately. Then a very half-hearted fight with Princess Katana happens where this is when she decides to talk to him about how she’s going to help him.

Matt (01:09:03):

And this is a fight where it’s not to the deaf.

Laci (01:09:05):

Well, because, and that’s why the main guy gets upset because she’s not doing it right. What if you has to die? You’re not doing it right. And I don’t know, princess Kana for some reason has to participate in this. I don’t even know why she’s royalty and I guess she doesn’t have to participate in it. She’s just like, fuck you. And she walks off after she gives the fucking Luke King a riddle during the fight of, in your next fight, use the sauce of life or

Matt (01:09:33):

Whatever, use the element which brings life.

Laci (01:09:36):

It’s like what you staring at your tits right now? Sperm, right? Is that element egg? Is that on the chart? I choose egg. Right. Well, okay, so you’re supposed to remember that. And then during the actual fight, she’s just use the element for, it’s the bucket’s.

Matt (01:09:54):

That’s him remembering her saying,

Laci (01:09:57):

That’s the fucking fucking

Matt (01:09:57):

Bucket. We immediately, in my memory, his fight with Subzero is much later in the movie and it’s like a callback. No, it’s the next scene.

Laci (01:10:04):

She said, it’s the next fight

Matt (01:10:06):

To win your next fight. So it’s now him fighting against subzero. How’s he going to defeat subzero?

Laci (01:10:11):

Apparently what you can’t do if you can freeze things is deal with water.

Matt (01:10:14):

Yeah.

Laci (01:10:15):

Seems like that’s the only thing you need. But all right,

Matt (01:10:17):

Because kind of struggling against Subzero, but then he looks to his right and sees Katana and she nods at him in the voiceover. That’s awesome. Use the element which brings light, the element that brings light a life. Use the element which brings life, huh? The water. And there’s

Laci (01:10:35):

Bucket’s. The only other thing on the stage, big old bucket of water right there. Is it bucket?

Matt (01:10:38):

Does bucket bring life? I love the way he twirl this bucket around.

Laci (01:10:41):

I do. I would’ve just picked it up and gone. But he was like, yeah, he can’t help but use martial arts

Matt (01:10:48):

Well, so what happens is that the water en mass hurdles towards Sub-Zero then freezes and forms into the shape of a giant spear. Spear. And spears him kills him. Good

Laci (01:10:58):

Kills him with his own.

Matt (01:11:01):

So of course, now Luke hang is learning. He’s learning that you need to

Laci (01:11:06):

Work with others.

Matt (01:11:07):

Yes. There you go. That’s what you need,

Laci (01:11:09):

That you have to earn buckets to get off the island.

Matt (01:11:14):

Truly, you could have added two minutes to this movie and make the hero’s journey of Luke hanging specifically.

Laci (01:11:20):

Just more rewarding.

Matt (01:11:21):

Just have a little more depth to it.

Laci (01:11:23):

Yeah,

Matt (01:11:24):

I like that He starts off, he’s doing the classic refusal of the call and he’s just being an asshole. And then that kind of goes

Laci (01:11:32):

Away. It’s a renegade monk. He just shaves his head at the end. I am actual monks. Stop talking to

Matt (01:11:36):

Everyone. So Shang song, he’s a little unhappy with how well the heroes are doing. So he goes to Goro and says, it’s time. And we get a very long montage of Goro just dropping people onto rocks.

Laci (01:11:47):

Is that who was doing it? Yes. Because they cut to Art Lane and it’s like’s poorly edited. And I feel like gratified, whenever Johnny Cage’s move just punches him in the dick because every scene where Goro is in it all I can see it looks like he’s got his dick out because it’s just a weird belt that they have on him. And it’s in a place where it’s like, that’s right on top of his dick. It’s not in the belt spot. So it just looks like this golden dick sticking out of this crazy looking thing. So I’m like, okay, I wasn’t the only one distracted by this. Clearly Johnny Cage needed to call some attention to

Matt (01:12:25):

It. All of this is building up to our best friend in the world, art leading. He’s going up against Gloria.

Laci (01:12:30):

We haven’t seen him since the pier, and we hope he’s okay.

Matt (01:12:34):

All of the island is there and they’re all cheering their friend art on. And you hear Sonia say, use the kick kick

Laci (01:12:44):

B be B, B, BA, BA, BAB.

Matt (01:12:46):

But Goro very easily defeats art. And then Shung takes his soul and afterwards the heroes are talking to Raiden and he’s like, listen, I know it seems like you’ll never be able to win. You’ll never be able to beat Goro, but you totally can. You have everything you need. All you need is to not have fear or something. And Johnny Cage is like, okay, this means I need to challenge Goro because I’m afraid of Goro, therefore I must confront Goro. And then we have the scene with Johnny and Sonya on the beach in the sunset. She’s like, you can’t do it. He’s like, but I got to

Laci (01:13:19):

Because I can’t let them do that to you. And she’s like, I

Matt (01:13:23):

Can’t lose you. So Johnny goes up to Shung and he’s like, I want to challenge Goro. And Shung is like, I don’t know about that. He’s like, you got to let me,

Laci (01:13:32):

I really want to. I already said, it

Matt (01:13:34):

Says, well if you do, then here’s what I want an exchange. I then have the right to enter the tournament. I

Laci (01:13:41):

Call bullshit on this because it’s like, wait, I’m saying I want to fight your guy. I want to fight your big guy. Let me fight your big guy. You want to watch me fight him, right? He’s going to kill all of us anyway. I would like to go next. Okay, fine, I’ll let you die. But in exchange it’s like, wait, this is your tournament. You can just, you can fight whatever you want and you can pick the place. No one is stopping you from doing that.

Matt (01:14:04):

Yeah, we’d even been told her what are talking about as the previous winner. He has the rights to,

Laci (01:14:08):

We know you didn’t have to ask in exchange for Johnny offering to die next,

Matt (01:14:14):

They shake hands and then Raiden drops and he’s like, Johnny, no, but a deal is a deal. But then when Johnny and Shong walk away, Christopher Lamber winks at the camera and he’s like, it’s all going according to plan. Sorry, the fight with Goro, I love it and I like it too. I’ve seen this movie a million times. It only I’m 37 years old and now actually realized what’s actually going on here. And the script could have done a little better job making Johnny Cage more of a character. So you

Laci (01:14:47):

Can

Matt (01:14:47):

See, you kind of have to fill in the blanks in his head. He’s seen all these people go up against Goro and lose being martial artists. And Johnny Cage is like, everybody thinks I’m just a Hollywood phony, but I’m a real martial artist. I know how I’ll beat Goro by being a movie star because he goes in with his sunglasses,

Laci (01:15:07):

Goro

Matt (01:15:08):

Takes his sunglasses from him, crushes him

Laci (01:15:10):

Rude.

Matt (01:15:11):

They start the fight. Johnny says a cool movie star line. He’s like, let’s dance. And then immediately does a split down and punches Guro in his giant balls

Laci (01:15:18):

Dick and his puppet

Matt (01:15:21):

Dick. So it’s like, he’s like, no, I can’t beat him by being a badass martial artist. I have to use Hollywood magic, which means kick him in the dick. So he runs off to the edge

Laci (01:15:31):

Of Cliff. Hey, everyone’s going by the book. Everyone’s a trained martial artist and they’re doing above the belt stuff, not me, right in the dick.

Matt (01:15:39):

So he runs to the edge of the cliff and Goro chases him and Johnny says, those are $500 sunglasses, asshole. When I saw the word asshole as a kid, I was like, oh my God, what’s happening to me? That’s where we poop

Laci (01:15:50):

From.

Matt (01:15:51):

And he says it to him, he’s a goddamn movie star. Why wasn’t Lyden Ashby in every movie after this?

Laci (01:15:57):

They’ve really builds up this Goro fight for the whole movie. Like, God, this is going to be so hard. And then when I see he just runs to a edge of a rock thing and then hides, I’m like, oh my God. I would love it if he just runs straight off. So they almost do that. I mean it’s still a pretty easy victory, but I just wish he would just, he just

Matt (01:16:16):

Kicks him a little bit and

Laci (01:16:17):

Then go kicks a little. He hangs on,

Matt (01:16:19):

He’s dangling off the side and Johnny says, this is where you fall down.

Laci (01:16:23):

He could have just let the guy run all the way off just immediately and then went, good job falling down. And that’d been fine. That’d been a good old callback. But

Matt (01:16:31):

Satisfying. It is very impressive what they’re able to do with a puppet. Obviously this puppet can’t actually move that much. So how do you even have a fight sequence with him? You can’t. The CGI I Goro in 2021 looks fucking horrendous. So bad, badly designed, no weight whatsoever. This is a real object interacting with a real person. So Shang is like now Goro. Oh my God. So he gets mad and he kidnapped Sonya and whisks her away to out world. He’s like, I’m invoking my right, because you made a deal with me. I challenged Sonya Blade at the place of my choosing and I choose outward.

Laci (01:17:04):

Who put that outfit? Who dressed her, who took her clothes off and then put clothes on her?

Matt (01:17:08):

He did. What do you mean

Laci (01:17:09):

She was sexually assaulted in a children’s movie?

Matt (01:17:12):

He’s not a good guy.

Laci (01:17:13):

He’s not. Now they get to the piece of shit out world.

Matt (01:17:16):

Wait, hold on, you’re going too fast.

Laci (01:17:19):

Oh, it says out world. So

Matt (01:17:21):

I just thought Raiden is with Johnny Cajun Luke King, and he is like, there’s that portal. That portal will take you to our world, but I can’t follow you. I’m not allowed there or something. But guys, even though it seems like Johnny Cage is the one who just did the big significant character growth and beat the big bad Luke hang, you’re the chosen one. I have nothing more to teach you all that you need now Go go and said they jumped through the portal and it’s just like a Hollywood back lot of torches and statues, but statues are toppled over rather than being upright.

Laci (01:17:50):

That’s just a piece of shit area. Just a terrible outward world here in the badlands of it.

Matt (01:17:59):

It’s like an evolution. When they find the lab covered in all the alien growth in Orlando Jones is like, it looks like my apartment in college. Yeah.

Laci (01:18:08):

Okay. You’re saying something underwhelming and I dunno.

Matt (01:18:12):

And I think Johnny Cage. Yeah, Johnny Cage is like, this place sucks. All these, it’s gross and all these people want to beat me up. It’s like high school over.

Laci (01:18:21):

Okay, alright. Johnny Cage, calm down.

Matt (01:18:23):

So they move toward the tower, but they’re confronted by a reptile and reptile is the worst CGI creation in the movie, but then it inhabits a skeleton and turns a new human. And so the reptile v Luke Kang fight begins. I think it would be more interesting if Johnny Cage also participated.

Laci (01:18:40):

Yes.

Matt (01:18:41):

But instead he just gets left in the hall and they go have their fight just because narratively you’re building to Luke King versus Shung one-on-one. But Luke King beats reptile here and it’s like, I don’t know. It’d be cool if he had to tee up with Johnny Cage, meaning at the end it’s scary that he has to go up by himself. But Luke King, I mean the movie is building the video game builds except that Goro is the second to last boss. Reptiles like the third to last boss, then Goro, then Shung. But there’s another great fight with Robin Shu. And you can just have a legit fighter be the guy in the ninja suit. Luang defeats him with a bicycle kick.

Laci (01:19:21):

Bicycle kick

Matt (01:19:22):

Feet. That’s where two

Laci (01:19:23):

Feet

Matt (01:19:23):

Go in the air and you go like,

Laci (01:19:26):

That’s not real though, right? You can’t actually go in the air and kick someone that much.

Matt (01:19:30):

You’d

Laci (01:19:30):

Fall backward the first kick. That’s not how motion works

Matt (01:19:34):

Turn to go. Can you really do a bicycle kick?

Laci (01:19:37):

Did you make up the word for it? Did you make it up?

Matt (01:19:40):

I don’t think so.

Laci (01:19:41):

Okay. Okay. I see it. I see it. I see the vision.

Matt (01:19:48):

I didn’t make it up. So what happens next?

Laci (01:19:51):

It’s the big time baby. We see Sonia and she’s been put in a very dated outfit. She looks like Zena warrior princess and they teased her hair and he tied her up and her friends are going to come get her. Well, you see a whole bunch of people in robes and you can’t see their faces. It’s like, how would you smuggle my friends in here? This is perfect, but I

Matt (01:20:13):

Got to have my druid priests.

Laci (01:20:15):

Yeah. So I don’t know man.

Matt (01:20:20):

They run Luke hanging and Johnny Cage are making their way to the tower and they run into Katana. Oh, you seem to always be near us. And she’s like, yeah, yeah, let’s go. Go to the tower. Here’s the thing, I

Laci (01:20:30):

Don’t remember Katana.

Matt (01:20:31):

Yeah, she’s very forgettable. She explains, you know how it looks like shit right now? Well, it used to be

Laci (01:20:39):

Beautiful

Matt (01:20:40):

Earth realm will look like this if out world wins the tournament. So you can’t let that happen. Also, my dad used to be the rightful ruler of out world, but then the emperor, they keep talking about the emperor

Laci (01:20:49):

Emperor. They never show him, right? And at the end of the movie, he’s this big hologram in the sky and it’s like, I’ll bet that’s a fucking wizard of Oz. But he is this big, but he is this big and that’s just a big fucking projection of him.

Matt (01:21:02):

It is kind of Star Wars in that the first movie you’re like, well, Darth Vader, no one could be scarier than him. You’re like, no, Darth Vader works for the emperor.

Laci (01:21:10):

There’s a blob in the sky you haven’t seen. Oh,

Matt (01:21:14):

They get to the tower. Sonya is in her slave. Leia attire. The Druid priests come in, but three of them are the heroes. What

Laci (01:21:20):

My friends, my best friends. And Sonia says that, not Sonia. Katana says, you’ll have to face your worst fear, your worst enemy yourself. She says three things.

Matt (01:21:35):

You got to face the three challenges. Number one, druid priest,

Laci (01:21:39):

Spiky storms.

Matt (01:21:40):

Number two spikes. Number three, yourself,

Laci (01:21:43):

Which you’re like, it’s going to be his brother, his brother’s, his self.

Matt (01:21:46):

Number two,

Laci (01:21:47):

His worst fear. His worst fear being I killed is my fault and my brother died. No, it’s not. He was responsible for his mortality. And then you got it. That’s what happens. You finally figured it and that’s it fights off. He learned his lesson. Everybody

Matt (01:22:03):

Shang song sees them and he is tells his minions, he’s like, kill them, but Kaan iss like, no, no, no. There’s rules. I think.

Laci (01:22:09):

Why does he keep breaking them?

Matt (01:22:11):

He does things his own way. He’s sneaky. And Shang song says, fine, I challenge Johnny Cage. And then Luke hang steps in and says, no, you’re going to fight me.

Laci (01:22:19):

What are the rules?

Matt (01:22:20):

I am Luke Hank, descendant of Kung Lao. I challenge you to Mortal Kombat. Do you accept or yield?

Laci (01:22:27):

How does he know all the rules? All of a sudden,

Matt (01:22:30):

And it is a good fight. And Shank Zung has been built up all movie, just like the video game. It satisfies why you should be scared of him. And the fight, it tells a good story because in the fight, Luke Kang immediately shows Shank. He’s a better fighter than you thought I was.

Laci (01:22:46):

Shung is just not used to getting hit. So when he is hit, it bothers him much more than these fighters who are used to actual

Matt (01:22:53):

Combat. So he is like, okay, well I got to use Triggery. So he summons his warriors,

Laci (01:22:58):

20 guys, 20 guys, fuck it. He’s been sucking souls for years, but he just bringss like 20 guys.

Matt (01:23:03):

But Luke King beats all of them pretty easily.

Laci (01:23:05):

Yeah, they only come at ’em one at a time. It’s real nice.

Matt (01:23:07):

So Luke, Hank chases down Shong and Shong turns into his brother Chan and Chan is like, I forgive you for letting me die. See? And Lou’s like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said I let you die. I said, I feel some guilt, but you’re not my brother. After all, everyone’s responsible for themselves. The chaotic universe. Hobbesian, nasty, brutish, thuggish. Short. Then he turns back in, says Shung. He’s like, fucking your soul is mine. They start fighting some more. Give me, give

Laci (01:23:37):

Me, give me.

Matt (01:23:38):

And this is the stage in the fight when Neo realizes he can beat Agent Smith and now he just casually starts putting up one hand. It’s the stage when the hero realizes I’ve conquered the enemy

Laci (01:23:50):

And I’ve got magical powers. It seems like because he does little ooh at the end.

Matt (01:23:53):

That’s what he does. But first he says it’s over buddy surrender. Just go ahead. It’s okay.

Speaker 3 (01:23:59):

And

Matt (01:23:59):

Shong iss like I refuse. So Luang does his fireball and that’s cool. That’s the main thing Luang does in the video game. So you’re watching the movie thinking, when’s he going to do the fireball? And he does it.

Laci (01:24:09):

He’s the one. He’s the one with the fireball.

Matt (01:24:11):

And Shung falls down onto a

Laci (01:24:13):

Fireball in that shot.

Matt (01:24:15):

Yeah. Okay. And then all the souls come out of sh song’s body. Thank you Luca.

Laci (01:24:22):

And his brother goes, bye, I’ll be watching you.

Matt (01:24:26):

I’ll see you soon.

Laci (01:24:28):

Wait, how soon? I know. And then they all come walking out just in just looking kind of normal, just buddies hugging real. We did it and then the fucking gargoyle in the sky pops up and goes, what about me?

Matt (01:24:43):

They all reunited the temple of light in China for some reason. What? Yeah, because the next in raid is waiting for them there. You couldn’t have been waiting for them on the island, but this is where they are. It’s like you

Laci (01:24:54):

Guys, why didn’t Sony change her clothes? I mean, why didn’t persist Ana put on something normal then? Because

Matt (01:24:59):

She’s not of earth realm. She’s of out world. She doesn’t know what to dress in. And Sonia couldn’t have

Laci (01:25:03):

Helped her. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Matt (01:25:04):

And he puts his arms around. He is like, you guys are my best friends and they’re all very happy. And then immediately discard D Darkens and CGI. Emper. Who is that? The emperor. They don’t say Han of course

Laci (01:25:17):

Is an emperor and they’re not like, come on, we just wanted to have margaritas and chill. And they’re both just go to get in their fight stance.

Matt (01:25:25):

Pathetic fools. I’ve come for your souls.

Laci (01:25:27):

Well I’m going to fight you Cloud daddy.

Matt (01:25:30):

Raiden then says his catchphrase, I don’t think so. And his eyes do lightning and then they all strike Fighting Pose and that’s the end of the

Laci (01:25:36):

Movie. That’s the movie. I like that. It doesn’t go any further than that.

Matt (01:25:39):

Yes, this is the movie Orgasming on your Face.

Final Thoughts & Star Ratings

Laci (01:25:42):

Okay.

Matt (01:25:43):

Yeah. It knows what it’s you.

Laci (01:26:04):

You always tell me I don’t give low enough rating, so I was going to exercise that. Right.

Matt (01:26:08):

Stop using the mouse.

Laci (01:26:09):

I was trying to get rid of this thing.

Matt (01:26:12):

What are our final thoughts in star ratings for I Mortal Kombat in 1995? What did I do?

Laci (01:26:19):

Stop using the thing. You only use the mouse.

Matt (01:26:24):

Laci has a mouse and she keeps using it, but she’s not supposed to use it.

Laci (01:26:28):

I’m supposed to use my rat.

Matt (01:26:29):

It’s fine.

Laci (01:26:30):

Okay. So yeah, it’s just not for me. I get it. It’s fun. The fight sequences are just a bit too long. The characters are very hokey and I think if you didn’t grow up with it that it can’t have that little warm spot in your heart. You can’t forgive it of old. It’s little flaws. So I give it a two.

Matt (01:26:48):

That is too mean to this movie.

Laci (01:26:51):

Why can’t I just live my life over here?

Matt (01:26:55):

Fine. You can live your life over

Laci (01:26:56):

There. You also were saying I don’t go low enough on things.

Matt (01:26:59):

You’re only supposed to do that with your own movies. With my movies, you’re supposed to be generous. No, I think this movie’s a lot of fun. I feel like the first 30 minutes are incredible, impeccable, just cheesy fun. I think the final sequence is also a lot of fun and the fight sequence is in between are very solidly done.

Speaker 3 (01:27:18):

It

Matt (01:27:18):

Just, you can tell this movie was rushed, didn’t have a good script, and they just kind of tried to figure it out as they went. But left out the part where you are supposed to care. Still there’s so much fun about it. I’m teetered between a three and a three and a half. I think I will go with a three and a half because I’ve seen how

Laci (01:27:39):

Difficult you’re trying to make out for mine. I’ve

Matt (01:27:40):

Seen how having watched the Street Fighter movie and the remake of Mortal Kombat, this is a surprisingly difficult thing to do and this movie does about as good of a job as you can do. I think Anderson does a great job directing. I think the performances are all really good, except for Bridgette Wilson who’s fine, but would’ve

Laci (01:27:58):

Helped if I’d known they were all doing all their shit. I knew one of them was. I didn’t know all of them were.

Matt (01:28:03):

Lamb Bear is great. The guy who plays Chung, I forgot his name, I’m sorry. He is good, is my favorite performance in the movie. Robin Shoe is great. Lyndon Ashby is great. Good stuff all around. Also, the music, the score, the techno song. You can’t get better than this

Laci (01:28:17):

Except

Matt (01:28:18):

You can, you

Laci (01:28:18):

Never listen to Tactal music. So I don’t know what

Matt (01:28:20):

You’re talking No, no. I don’t want to listen to it, but when I hear it I think,

Laci (01:28:24):

Oh

Matt (01:28:24):

Hell yeah. So what’s up? What’s next? What are we doing

Laci (01:28:29):

Next? Yay, baby Boom. I love when it’s my movies. Yay. I love a Diane Keaton.

Matt (01:28:35):

What is this movie?

Laci (01:28:37):

It is a movie about a woman who leaves the rat race of the city because she gets a baby and finds another way to make a living in the country.

Matt (01:28:49):

Scintillating.

Laci (01:28:50):

It’s so good.

Matt (01:28:52):

This is a Charles Shire, Nancy Meyers joint. He directed it. She wrote it. Meyer. Yeah. So I look forward to this. Don’t know anything about this movie. I’m sure it’s good. It’s Please check out our Patreon Load-Bearing Beams collectors edition. We have a review of the first season of Severance Out. Now this episode releases the Moral Combat episode releases January 17th when the new season of Severance begins. You can prepare for that by listening to our episode,

Laci (01:29:20):

The Great Recap where we recap nothing but tell you how much it rocks.

Matt (01:29:24):

We recapped a lot. Also, the vibes were a lot more relaxed because we weren’t on camera. I think.

Laci (01:29:29):

Yeah. Were we relaxed?

Matt (01:29:32):

It has a slightly chiller

Laci (01:29:34):

Vibe. I was really tired. So maybe that’s the vibe.

Matt (01:29:37):

Yeah.

Laci (01:29:37):

Maybe

Matt (01:29:38):

Tell a friend about our podcast. Please. Please. We would appreciate it. Give us a review. Subscribe to us on YouTube at Load-Bearing Beams Pod. Follow me on letterbox at Matt Stokes nine. Follow Laci on Letterbox at Load-Bearing Laci and listen to my music by my band, Rural Route Nine.

Matt (01:29:54):

On Spotify, apple Music, or wherever you get your music. Our album is called The Joy of Averages, and we do the music for the show Load Bearing Beams, including the song you’re hearing right now.

Laci (01:30:02):

Okay. I love you. Goodbye.